Snow White and the Seven Birds From Outer Space: In which we meet the birds

Fiction By Aalen Fideli // 10/18/2012

o.o.c: I'm posting this first chapter to see if I get a good response. If you want more, comment.

"Good morning Daniel," a digital-sounding voice said.
"Good morning Eden." Daniel yawned.
"What can I do for you, sir?"
"Send Jars in, will you?"
"Right away, sir."
"Thank you."

Daniel Norris was eighteen years old. Both his parents had died leaving him an orphan. His parents' will left him the family fortune including the family mansion. The mansion was run by two of Daniel's inventions; Eden and Jars.

"Good morning, Master Norris." Jars was a four-wheeled, headless robot.
"Good morning, Jars. Do you have my clothes?"
"Right here, sir." Jars held out the perfectly folded clothing.
"Thank you, Jars. Is breakfast ready?"
"It's on the table."
"Good. After breakfast I'm going out with Roger and Amy."
"Very good, sir. Miss Michaels requests that you bring Snow White and the Seven."
"Ha ha, alright, Jars. As you were."
"Very good, sir"

Snow White and the Seven were birds. Or at least they looked like birds.
They were actually Daniel's neighbors. Well, Earth's neighbors.
They were aliens from a planet in the Alpha Centauri B system.
In nearly all respects they were birds, except for the fact that they were incongruous colors and they talked. And flew a spacecraft four lightyears to Earth.
Snow White, affectionately known as Captain Snow, was the leader of the band of alien birds.
There was Doc, green; Sneezy, orange; Grumpy, black; Happy, pink; Bashful, purple; Sleepy, blue and Dopey, yellow.
Daniel found the eight soon after they had landed in the city. Daniel was able to convince them not to try to destroy humanity on the condition that the birds be allowed to stay with him.
Since the aliens looked like a cross between a budgie and a barn owl they were disguised fairly well. Until they met Amy Michaels.

Amy was a bird enthusiast. Well, she was a nerd who liked researching birds.
She immediately recognized that the eight were not Earth birds.
After some consideration, the birds decided not to blow Amy up, Daniel decided to let Amy in on the whole thing and Amy soon became the birds' favorite person besides Daniel and Roger.

After finishing breakfast, Daniel went into his workshop.
"Eden, bring up the Taloinaus Project."
"Right away, sir."
The Taloinaus Project was the name of the spacecraft in which the birds came to earth. Now the spacecraft served as housing for the eight.
As the platform that held the spacecraft settled into place, Snow White opened the door.
<"What will be? Oh, Good morningtide, Daniel. How are you?">
"Um... Good morning, Snow. I'm fine... I am going out with Roger and Amy later and Amy wants you guys to come."
<"This is extremely okay. When this is going from taking birth?">
"Amy said they'd be here around eleven, so in fifteen minutes."
<"We will be wait for for the imminent arrivals of Amy and Roger.">
"Alright, Captain."
Daniel left the workshop laughing: The translator worked about as well as Google translate.

Comments

That's hilarious!

Yeah, google translate isn't really the best thing for translating. I like the Captain, and can't wait to meet the Seven. :)

Arya Animarus | Sat, 10/20/2012

Oh for the times when I felt invincible.

That. Is. AMAZING! Please,

That. Is. AMAZING! Please, please, PLEASE post more!

Flying Past Clouds | Sun, 10/21/2012

Wow. Thanks.

I was not expecting that kind of reaction. I will try to post more soon.

Aalen Fideli | Sun, 10/21/2012

Music I created
[updated]

Hehe, sounds like a funny

Hehe, sounds like a funny story coming on! I like the twist; have you seen Mirror, Mirror?

It's a twist on snow white and the dwarfs. It's quite good, my sister reckons it's weird, but what twist's aren't? :D

Maddi | Sun, 10/21/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

have not seen it.

This isn't quite planned out yet, but I promise it'll be completely off the wall.

Aalen Fideli | Mon, 10/22/2012

Music I created
[updated]

:)

Hilarious and SO creative; out of ordinary! I smiled when you said Since the aliens looked like a cross between a budgie and a barn owl they were disguised fairly well. Until they met Amy Michaels.

A critique:

There was Doc, a green bird; Sneezy, orange; Grumpy, black; Happy, pink; Bashful, purple; Sleepy, blue and Dopey, a yellow bird.

But try to be consistent. The descriptions must either be all "a green bird, a orange bird, a black bird..." or "green, orange, black..."

Great job! Post more!

Lucy Anne | Mon, 10/22/2012

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Review

You have a lot of narrative summary before the main story begins. Maybe you should think about where you want the story to start. If you want it to begin with interaction between Amy, Rodger, and the others, the earlier events will need to be worked in via backstory, with hints here and there instead of a bunch of background information.

Julie | Mon, 10/22/2012

Formerly Kestrel

Thanks for the input.

I was trying to have this as a sort of mental backstory, or flashback-style intro.
I'll try to fix that eventually.

Aalen Fideli | Tue, 10/23/2012

Music I created
[updated]

After some consideration, the

After some consideration, the birds decided not to blow Amy up,

LOL. I laughed out loud at that one. Very unique twist on Snow White. Like, VERY unique. And at the end I was like, "Oops! There's a few corrections to be made" until the Google Translate part. Which, yeah, doesn't work very well at times. Haha.

Good job!

Madeline | Thu, 10/25/2012

Thanks

I'm still not sure exactly how close this'll get to Snow White...

Aalen Fideli | Thu, 10/25/2012

Music I created
[updated]

Haha

I thought at first you were stealing the idea from a book I have, in which it twists all these famous stories in hilarious ways. The title was identical. But when I read it nothing could be further from the truth. :) Very good start. :)
Love your music by the way, Aalen...

Jordan | Thu, 11/22/2012

When you knock on your friend's door, turn around...

Thanks

I thought of the title after probably three different ideas. I'm still not sure about it.
And thanks for looking at the music!

Aalen Fideli | Thu, 11/22/2012

Music I created
[updated]

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