Dance with History

Fiction By Allyson D. // 4/2/2020

Currently published on kindle. Thanks!
https://www.amazon.com/Dance-History-science-fiction-short-story-ebook/d...

Comments

I like this! It was

I like this! It was intriguing and exciting! Your writing is beautiful; there were so many lovely descriptions. I also liked the title and the short comments that made the future world seem so commonplace, like, "An annoying drone buzzed around him with a ridiculous advertisement about new deals in space travel." It made me smile :).

I noticed just a couple small things you might want to change. First, near the beginning it says, "the World Education Society headed his warning"--I think it should be "heeded". Also, later you say, "Fitzgerald hissed into her ear". I think a different word then "hissed" might be better, given that he's speaking pleasant words to her (also, you use "hissed" fairly often). You also say, "nodded towards the other dancers who already began"; I think it should be "had already begun". And, "My time, as you put, is a mistake"--it needs an "it".

Again, well done!

Grace J. | Tue, 04/21/2020

“You are doing something great with your life—when you are doing all the small things with His great love.” - Ann Voskamp

Hey Grace! Thanks for

Hey Grace!
Thanks for catching the errors. I'll get those fixed. Glad you enjoyed it!

Allyson D. | Wed, 04/22/2020

Jill L. Boone

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

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