Ice Flurry

A Poem By AmandaMR // 1/9/2018

Glittering glass shards,
Ice daggers frozen hard,
Savagely darting at dark in attack;
Flash through existence,
Strike all resistance,
Shining, they shiver and shatter the black.
Silver ice swirling,
Flung through space hurling
And twisting in crystalline needle-like form;
Half flake, half flurry,
Desperate in hurry
To battle the stillness and conjure a storm.
Flecks of sharp mirror
Cracked, yet still clearer
Than water, fly frantically with no respite;
Not snow, but ice flakes
The night's soundless cold breaks
To fill deaf'ning silence with slivers of light;
"Til shattered and broken,
Vestigial token
Of winter's force now to eternity sent,
As dancing ephemeral,
Khione's apparel
Fades into softness, its fury full spent.

Comments

Welcome!

Welcome to ApricotPie!!
I love this, very much. Your word-choice is superb, and I really can't pick a favorite line. I look forward to seeing more posts from you!

Damaris Ann | Tue, 01/09/2018

God uses the milestones as stepping stones to bring us closer to Him. We may not see it in the moment, but we can always look back and see the memorials of His love in the crumbles of our stumbling blocks.

Welcome!

This is great, Amanda! I love the way the imagery of this poem wraps around the consistent meter and aabccb rhyme scheme. I have to echo Damaris, it's very hard to pick a part I like best. I would have to pick an entire six-line section, and there are only 4 of them, and I like them all!

Maybe I could just pick the first half of the last stanza, as I have a lot of fun saying it out loud:

Til shattered and broken,
Vestigial token
Of winter's force now to eternity sent...

Thanks for posting, keep it coming! :)

James | Tue, 01/09/2018

<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

Welcome

I think there are couple reasons I got a nice, satisfied feeling when I finished this poem. It comes to a nice soft landing, which is a natural end of the dramatic arc, and that difference between the storm through most of it and the snow-covered calm in the last four lines is very much felt because of the kinds of words used.

First there are sharp and hard words like flecks, cracked, flake, sharp, glittering, shattered, breaks, and then at the end, words like: ephemeral, fades and softness -- the only K in the last four lines is in Khione. (I never use the mythological pantheons for similes, though it's an old convention.) 'Cracked mirror' reminds me of Andersen's Snow-Queen.

I like the atmosphere with the alliterations especially the words that share several sounds like silver and swirling and darting and dark.

Speaking of shared sounds I liked the way tw-IS-ting goes into cr-IS-taline and crystal-EEN goes into NEE-dle -- very thin and pointy.

But I think the main word-craft reason I felt satisfied was because of the repetitive dactylic rhythm and the rhyme pattern; even when I didn't consciously know this poem was couplets followed by ABBA (CDDC, EFFE etc.) over and over, it feels right when it comes to the last rhyme.

Caleb | Wed, 01/10/2018

And he was just wondering, for he was a severe critic of his own work, whether that last line couldn't be polished up a bit...
~P.G. Wodehouse

This is an absolutely

This is an absolutely beautiful piece. I love your word choice and how you made me feel the ice as it fell from the sky. I can't pick which line is my favorite. The whole thing seems appropriately hurried, excitement and anticipation filling in between the lines. Welcome to ApricotPie!

Libby | Wed, 01/10/2018

“The gospel alone is the power of God unto salvation.
Therefore, suffer, yes. Be misunderstood, yes. Be shamed, yes. But do not be ashamed. For the joy set before you, take up your cross, follow Jesus, be shamed and despise the shame!" -- John Piper

Wowowowowowow

This is talent, Amanda! Welcome to AP! I hope you enjoy your stay ;)
I am fascinated by your words and your rhythm; definitely not usual, and all the same very enjoyable! I love me a bit of winter inspired poetry and this is something very different and refreshing.
I agree with Caleb: first thing I thought when I saw "flecks of sharp mirror" was 'The Ice Queen'.
I sincerely hope to see more of your work very soon! Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Madalyn Clare | Wed, 01/10/2018

"To live is to love with the passion of a thousand stars. To love is to live despite the pain of a thousand scars. Anything in between is a passing shadow." ~Michael Joseph Murano

:D

I realize I'm a bit late to the commenting party, but I am so glad you've joined ApricotPie, Amanda!!!
Everyone, this girl is my bestest friend in all the world, and she's amazing at word craft even though she says she's not a writer. I am so excited that she's going to be sharing her work here, because she has written some incredible stuff!

Mary | Wed, 01/10/2018

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Brother: Your character should drive a motorcycle.
Me: He can't. He's in the wilderness.
Brother: Then make it a four-wheel-drive motorcycle!

Thank you!

Thank you so much, Damaris! I'm really excited to join this site and get to read all your works and correspond with everyone on it. :)

AmandaMR | Thu, 01/11/2018

"Come, travel with me in dreams far, far beyond the range of the possible and the known." ~Charles Baudelaire

Thank you!

Thank you, Madalyn! I actually had just finished reading a version of The Snow Queen, so that was a bit of inspiration; I'm glad it came through. :)

AmandaMR | Thu, 01/11/2018

"Come, travel with me in dreams far, far beyond the range of the possible and the known." ~Charles Baudelaire

Thank you!

Thanks, Caleb! I basically wrote this while out in it, and I think that was what helped me be able to come up with some phrases that felt sort of like they were on the spot. And I love Greek mythology, so it just had to have a reference to Khione in there. :)

AmandaMR | Thu, 01/11/2018

"Come, travel with me in dreams far, far beyond the range of the possible and the known." ~Charles Baudelaire

Thank you!

Thank you, James! I generally wind up saying whatever I'm writing out loud a lot as I work on it; if it isn't fun to say, or doesn't flow, it doesn't feel right. And thanks for the welcome; I'm still figuring out how this all works, so I hope I'm not posting a bunch of vague replies that don't actually make it to their intended recipients!

AmandaMR | Thu, 01/11/2018

"Come, travel with me in dreams far, far beyond the range of the possible and the known." ~Charles Baudelaire

Thank you!

Thanks so much, Libby! Winter and fire are two of my favorite things to write poetry about, so they're the topics that usually sort of work out. :)

AmandaMR | Thu, 01/11/2018

"Come, travel with me in dreams far, far beyond the range of the possible and the known." ~Charles Baudelaire

Heyo

Thanks for the introduction, Mary, I'll do my best to live up to your (extravagant) expectations. :D For real, though, I'm excited to be on here with all you guys. :)

AmandaMR | Thu, 01/11/2018

"Come, travel with me in dreams far, far beyond the range of the possible and the known." ~Charles Baudelaire

I echo all that others have

I echo all that others have said - especially on the word usage. You are a master of words. :) Welcome. :)

Hannah D. | Fri, 01/12/2018

"Reason itself is a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." - G. K. Chesterton

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