A Fairytale Spoof

Fiction By Anna // 12/15/2008

Once upon a time, there was a princess.
I don’t remember her name, exactly, but it was something regal and beautiful and befitting a lovely maiden. Probably it was Cecilia or Relia or something that ends in a.
This princess had hair of sunshine, a face that seemed carved from ivory, eyes green as the sea, and features so delicate and lovely they almost looked plastic. Her smile was dazzling. She was tall, graceful, well-mannered, virtuous, smart, and wore gorgeous dresses (usually of gold and green; they matched her hair and eyes the best).
Princess Cecilia Relia Amoretta Delphina the Second (I looked her up on Google to find her name) had a prince. They were to be married that night. His name was Prince Quinn Albert Edwin the Fifth (he was unfortunate enough to have only two middle names). He had perfectly styled chestnut brown locks, eyes bluer than the sky, and features that made all his female subjects swoon in the streets. He had a pristine white smile. He also was tall, strong, well-mannered, virtuous, smart, and wore rich clothing.
I was going to say that Cecilia and Quinn were madly in love, but that would be a lie. Cecilia declared- just two hours before the wedding, no less- that she could never love him.
(Cue "Dun dun DUN!")
Why was that? How could she not love Quinn? He had perfect hair! He had stunningly blue eyes! He was so handsome that wherever he went he left a trail of unconscious ladies! He had a pristine white smile! He was tall, strong, well-mannered, virtuous, smart, and wore rich clothing!
Quinn went to ask Cecilia why she would not love him. He said, "Why do you not love me? I have perfect hair, stunningly blue eyes, a pristine white smile, and I am so handsome that wherever I go I leave a trail of unconscious ladies. I am tall, strong, well-mannered, virtuous, smart, and I wear rich clothing."
Cecilia- her green eyes especially beautiful because her lace-and-silk wedding dress was embroidered with green- sighed. (Cue mournful violin music.) Her sigh made the very birds want to cry. "Quinn, you do have perfect hair, stunningly blue eyes, a pristine white smile (etc. etc.), but there is one thing you have that I can never love."
"What is it?" asked the Prince. "Is it that I leave unconscious ladies in the streets because of my mere good-looking-ness? Is it because I only have two middle names?"
"No," said Cecilia. "It is not that you are good-looking and make all my female friends and subjects faint when you walk by or that you are sadly lacking in middle names. It is because… because…" She buried her face in her lovely white hands and began to cry. Her tears were lovely, and so sorrowful that now even the rocks were weeping with her.
"What is it?" asked Prince Quinn.
(Cue tense music.)
"It’s because… you… wear… tights!"
(Raging music.)
Quinn stood up indignantly, flicking his perfect brown hair out of his face. "What’s wrong with my lucky tights?!" he roared.
"They’re… they’re pink," sobbed Princess Cecilia. "Pink is so unmanly!"
"How dare you say I’m unmanly?" stormed the Prince. "I have perfect hair, stunningly blue eyes, a pristine white smile, and I am so handsome that wherever I go I leave a trail of unconscious ladies! I am tall, strong, well-mannered, virtuous, smart, and I wear rich clothing!"
"And tights!" cried Cecilia.
Princess Cecilia Relia Amoretta Delphina the Second and Prince Quinn Albert Edwin the Fifth didn’t get married after all.

The End

Comments

Tights!

All I have to say is: Thank you for making my day.

No, that's not all I have to say. That was brilliant. :D I love fairy tale spoofs to begin with (I'm writing a few of my own - I don't care how overdone they are) and yours was so much fun. It truly made me laugh out loud. :D

“Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” - G.K. Chesterton

Delaney | Mon, 12/15/2008

“Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” - G.K. Chesterton

This was great.

As Delaney said, I love fairy tale spoofs. Actually, my whole family does!
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If you are offended by the truth-- that's how you know you don't have it! -Brad Stein

Keri | Mon, 12/15/2008

LOL LOL LOL, Oh,that was too

LOL LOL LOL, Oh,that was too good!

I am Nate-Dude | Mon, 12/15/2008

Nate-Dude

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so over-blown and melodramatic that's it hysterically funny. I loved it!

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The leprechauns made me do it!!

Heather | Mon, 12/15/2008

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And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

OH MY GOSH, this was darn

OH MY GOSH, this was darn hilarious. AWESOME.
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"I've got a jar of dirt!" -Jack Sparrow

Clare Marie | Mon, 12/15/2008

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"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

I know it! In every

I know it! In every Fairytale the princess has a name that ends with a. Couldn't they end it with x or some exciting letter.

On tights....yeah, wow. Tights are the creation of an evil conspiring clothing designer trying to cut off the circulation to the legs of poor unsuspecting princes. Poor guys....

"I beleive, that the gods feast on chocolate and cheese." me

The Brit | Tue, 12/16/2008

haha! THat was great! I love

haha! THat was great! I love it. :)
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"You're pirates! Hang the code, and hang the rules! They're more like guidelines anyway"
-Elizabeth Swan//Pirates of the Caribbean//Curse of the Black Pearl

Sarah | Tue, 12/16/2008

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

Thanks!

Thanks! :D
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"The world will likely end tomorrow - unless postponed for rain." -Tamerah (on her blog)

Anna | Tue, 12/16/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

yup!

O my goodness that was so funny< my favorite part was

(dun dun DUH!!!!!)

...that! i love it! if u made it into a play it would be so good!!!!

"Dancers are the Athletes of God"-Albert Einstein

"If dance were easy, they would call it footbal!"

Tori | Wed, 12/17/2008

“Oh Ronnie! I can’t believe you’re a prefect! That’s everyone in the family!” said Mrs. Weasley.
“What are Fred and I, next-door neighbors?”
–George Weasley

Lol!!!! + 1,000,000!!!!

THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!! OMG, I laughed out loud!!!

"Every recording studio needs a rubber chicken." -Joe Jonas

"My red hair gives me superpowers!"-some person's t-shirt

Erin | Thu, 12/18/2008

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

That was funny. That would

That was funny. That would be my response to a prince. "You wear tights!"
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"We could gather nuts!"-Squirrel from Prince Caspian
"Yes, and throw them at the Talmerians!"-Reepicheep from Prince Caspian

Emily-Smileygirl (not verified) | Fri, 12/19/2008

HeHe

Oh I LOVED this story! It made me laugh:)Just to think of that poor man being afflicted with the scourge of TIGHTS!!! I can't imagine the shame, the despair, the....well you get the picture:)
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"Pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors!"--Klaus Baudelaire

Ariel | Mon, 12/22/2008

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"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

Thanks

Thanks again!
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So as soon as the door of 27 closed on Mr. and Mrs. Darling there was a commotion in the firmament, and the smallest of all the stars in the Milky Way screamed out:
"Now, Peter!"
-J.M. Barrie

Anna | Tue, 12/23/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Oh, boy.

Hilarious to the extreme. I quite enjoyed it...
...except for the part about the princess' face almost looking like plastic. That was kind of gross.

James | Wed, 12/31/2008

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"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

*shrugs* I was comparing her

*shrugs* I was comparing her to a Barbie inside my head.
Thanks. :)
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Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can do it well. -Bruce Hays

Anna | Wed, 12/31/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

That was Fun

That was really funny!!!

Anonymous | Fri, 01/09/2009

Hahahahahahahahahaha......!

I'll probably wake up tonight still laughing!
I loved it!!!! Awsome:):):):)

Hannah | Sun, 01/11/2009

I am shocked...

... at myself.  It seems that I read this before and never mentioned how absolutely hysterical I found it.  For some reason it was really funny when the prince mentioned that he left a trail of unconscious ladies wherever he went... multiple times.

Bridget | Wed, 06/01/2011

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

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