Doofenshmirtz on Teenagers: A Musing for Phineas and Ferb Fans

An Essay By Anna // 9/17/2009


Note: It’s more fun if you read it out loud in his voice.

Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz on the subject of teenagers:

The problem with teenagers is that they never talk to their parents. My daughter Vanessa will not even look at me when she talks. I made an Eye-ContactInator Ray but then it… misfired… and it was like awkward. And even then all Vanessa said was, "You’re staring at me… it’s weird. Give me three guesses. Perry. The." And I [lied], "Why no. No it wasn’t." So she rolled her eyes and I was back to the drawing board.

So I built a giant ray to wreak my revenge on teenagers! No wait… I’m so used to saying "I built a ray" that it just slipped out. Actually I did not build a giant ray to wreak my revenge on teenagers!

Instead I glued a while bunch of the monsters to lawn chairs on my roof and was going to make THEM ask questions and see how annoying it is not to be answered! …But I accidentally had kidnapped a bunch of blonde girls and couldn’t shut them up. I was almost happy when Perry the Platypus… But anyway. I figured blonde girls were the exception.

So another problem with teenagers is their mumbling! If an adult doesn’t listen up he might miss both words the teenager says! I could have built a Speak-UpInator Ray, but I thought, What’s the fun in that acronym? SUIR? What does that even mean? So instead I invented the ETWPSIR…TWMRON-BT! (EvilTwelveWordPerSentenceInatorRay… ToWreakMyRevengeOnNon-BlondeTeenagers!) As you probably gathered from the name, the ETWPSIR (etc.) makes the teenager it’s fired at use twelve words in each sentence.

I tested it out on Vanessa, but all that came out was a long string of what she says anyway:

"How’s it going, whatever, so busted, heck no, duh, puh-lease."

And I was like, "That was only ten words!" (What, does she have a ten-word vocabulary or something??!!)

And she rolled her eyes twice. Yeah, Perry the Platypus was smiling too, right before I crushed him! No, I didn’t actually beat him… To be quite honest, he destroyed my ETWPSIR…TWMRON-BT!… and got away… again… yeah. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

This has been Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz on the subject of teenagers. If you read it all out loud in his voice, I’d like a tape please! J



L. O. L.!!!!
Actually, my brother does an amazing Doofenshmirtz impression. I must tape it sometime... hehehe.
Phineas and Ferb rocks!!!! Hilarious essay thing!!! ;D

Hannah W. | Thu, 09/17/2009

Haha! I love the ETWPSIR

Haha! I love the ETWPSIR TWMRON-BT. I tried to read it aloud in his voice, and usually I'm good at weird voices, but it was pretty horrible! Lol, funny ranting- essay!

Erin | Thu, 09/17/2009

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Wow, Anna! I admit, having

Wow, Anna! I admit, having never seen Phineas and Ferb, this was still hilarious! And so true at the same time. LOL--I LOVED the "blonde girl" thing. My sis is a blonde, and her best friend is a blonde (true blonde, not just hair-color blonde), and seriously, they are NEVER quiet! :0) But I love 'em anyway.

And my brother mutters. All the time. Ever since he was old enough to talk, he's muttered (and he's blond). :0P His best friend got him a sign that said, "When in doubt...mumble."

The ten word vocabulary thing was great too!

So yes, I relate somewhat and loved it, even though I have no idea who this character is!

(and if you find spelling mistakes, I'm typing this without glasses or contacts so please forgive...)

Heather | Thu, 09/17/2009

And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

Umm, what was that?

None of that made any sense.  Probably because I do not know of Phineas and Ferb.  Good thing; if I did, it would probably scramble my brain.  It has scrambled yours, I'm quite sure of that.

When's the next chapter of Darkness in the Heights coming out?

---The Grouch

James | Fri, 09/18/2009

"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

Hannah W.: My cousin got me

Hannah W.: My cousin got me into the show, and I admit I wasn't expecting to like it, but I did! Be sure to send that recording!

Erin: It was fun to rant and write, too. :D

Heather: Well, I'm sure it makes more sense if you watch the show, but I'm glad you thought it was funny. I read it to my sister (a blonde) and she laughed too, not seeming to realize I was indirectly poking fun at her. :) heehee.

James: If you don't know what the heck Phineas and Ferb is, why did you read it, and persist in reading it if you didn't like it? Right in the title it says "for Phineas and Ferb fans." You are a very silly man.

My sister (the blonde one) said you are a meanie-poo (her exact term) for saying Phineas and Ferb has scrambled my brain. I can't honestly say my brain isn't somewhat scrambled, but don't blame the poor cartoon. I already traipsed around the house singing silly songs before I watched it. (And, in my defense, it's witty for a cartoon- even my mom likes it!)

Well, O Smiley One (that's what I call a certain Grouch I know), The next chapter of DitH won't be able to come out until I finish it. (Or, believe me, you would have seen it long before Doofenshmirtz on Teenagers.) The reason it's not finished is the fault of King Bronden, who knows what he's supposed to do but won't do it because he says I haven't given him a good enough motive. So now I have to find one. Excuse me...

Anna | Fri, 09/18/2009

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Oh, dear...

Anna, please except my appologies on behalf of my alter-ego.  Somehow he got on my account the other night.  His brain is much more easily scrambled than mine (by a factor of about 7.283) , and he is very prone to complain.  I'm afraid he is a bit silly (and has a rather short attention-span as well). I've always (up till now) been able to prevent my various alter-egos from outwitting me and getting on my computer when my back was turned.  At least he did have the decency to sign his statement with his own name, even though he entered it when I was logged on.  But all the same, I underestimated his ability to sneak around me.  He must have received some tips from my brother Nat.  Next thing you know, The Grouch is going to hack into my paypal account and reak havoc...

As for darkness in the heights, I have been waiting patiently all this time, and I assure you that you can take as much time as you need without causing me any anxiety, regardless of how impatient The Grouch is.

James | Sat, 09/19/2009

"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

:) Tell the Grouch he doesn't


Tell the Grouch he doesn't scare me. I forgive you/him... And I finished the next chapter. I'll be posting it this week sometime.

Anna | Mon, 09/21/2009

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Okay I read this years back

Okay I read this years back and I wanted to say this is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Thank you so much for the laughs!
PS Doofenshmirtz is the best character

Madalyn Clare | Thu, 10/20/2016

"To live is to love with the passion of a thousand stars. To love is to live despite the pain of a thousand scars. Anything in between is a passing shadow." ~Michael Joseph Murano