Three Stages of "So Cold"

A Poem By Anna // 7/30/2012

10/4/08 version

There is a chill
In the air
Tonight
Oh so soft and subtle
But oh so
Cold

It creeps
Up your sleeves
Winds around your chest
And numbs your heart.
It freezes the sky,
Frosts
The already-chilly stars,
And blows your hair
Gently
Around your almost-frozen face.

But so stealthily it comes,
Like a moth it slowly flutters,
That you don’t see
How it is quietly killing,
Or how it stopped
Your heart.
And you ask—
When did I grow
So cold?

It was not in the
Air
Was not in the
Clouds or snow.
Was it in the sorrow?
Was it in the pain?
Was that what locked your heart?
They think
You never knew how to love
But you can’t fool me—
I knew you before
I knew you, laughing,
Heart unbroken
Careless, free.
Have you forgotten
What life was like then?
The way you have changed hurts so much
Hurts me, hurts you
Sometimes I wonder—
Does a shattered heart know how to beat?
Can a kiss teach it?
I’m sorry
I was too late.
Goodbye
I’m closing my heart
Its shards
To you
As you have closed yours
To me.
One by one, you are being left
Alone…
Farewell, my love
Until you remember
We will not meet again.
You are
so
cold.

5/8/12 version

There is a chill in the air tonight
Freezes the sky and frosts the lens
Of the telescope through which we watched the stars
Oh so soft and subtle
But oh so
Cold.

It numbs the tracks on your cheeks,
Feathers through your hair and up your sleeves,
And when it winds between your ribs,
I suppose it will find the cavity
Holding your
Heart.

If only it didn’t creep so,
Like the fragile flutter of a moth.
Then you could see the quiet heartbeat-killer.
Instead you ask the snow,
When did I grow so
Cold?

They say you never knew how to love,
But you don’t fool me, little traitor.
I knew your heart when you belonged,
Unlocked unbroken unlost
Have you forgotten what life
Was like then?

Let’s tell the truth—you were hurt so you
Changed and you still hurt and you hurt me.
Shattered hearts beat, but they bleed.
I’m sorry that I was late and that, one by one,
You will be left
Alone…

Goodnight; I shall not see the morning.
I’m closing my heart shards to you
As you have closed yours to me, alskling.
Remember, remember, remember. But for now
You are too
Cold.

6/5/12 version

...became a fanfiction about brothers instead of lovers with much more hope in the ending. I'm proud of it. Please tell me what you think here and/or there.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8187609/1/You_Grow_So_Cold

Comments

OMG!!!

OH MY GOODNESS! SOOOOO FABULOUS!!!! Best poem, ever!

Kassady | Wed, 08/08/2012

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Thanks so much for the

Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm glad it excited you. Which version is your favorite?

Anna | Sat, 08/11/2012

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Love this. Sorry I've been so

Love this. Sorry I've been so late on commenting.... :D <3

Maddi | Sun, 08/12/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Ooh...

First One: Loved that one! I think it had the edge for me, versus the second, because it was slightly more bitter. You could tell the person telling the story was more remorseful/angrier about it. I really liked that one. And the way it ended. So, the first is probably my favorite!

I really liked the fanfic one, too, though. I like how you made that one rhyme.

Awesome job, Anna!

Edit: Wanted to add great imagery with the moth metaphor.

Madeline | Mon, 08/13/2012

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Maddi: Don't be sorry. I'm so

Maddi: Don't be sorry. I'm so glad you like it. :)
HomeschoolGirl: That's so interesting. I think the first one had the best rhythm, but I don't like it as much because it's not as... concise, maybe? But I can see what you're saying about the tone.
Thanks. :)

Anna | Sun, 08/19/2012

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

I liked-

I liked all of them!

Kassady | Mon, 08/20/2012

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Thank you. :)

Thank you. :)

Anna | Wed, 08/22/2012

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

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