You know the feeling when you begin to see a person in a new light… they’ve always been there, but they’ve never been like this, never have their blue eyes glowed, never has that smile transfixed you, never has their voice sounded like this. It’s so new. So strange. So wonderful.
And you’re around this person constantly; you think about them so much and they wrap themselves around your heart and soul and become part of your very being. And you wonder, what would life be like – what would you be like without that person? And then they’re gone, and you realize that you are less – less caring, less shining, less you.
I knew he liked me, a lot. He knew I wasn't certain how I felt. I was worried that he liked me too much, but I tried not to think about it and to just take it one day at a time. I didn't really look inwards. I've always been nervous about what I'd find inside myself. Pretty scary place sometimes, my mind. So I didn't realize that I had started to laugh more, worry less, and stare in the distance like those romantics I had always made fun of.
I never noticed, until the night when he walked me to my dorm and I was speechless. I wanted to say something, and couldn't for the life of me figure out how to say it or even what it was. I stood there distractedly as he wished me a goodnight, while something was bursting inside my throat, begging to be let out. As he walked away, I didn't turn towards my room, as I usually did, but watched him walk down the driveway towards his own room. And it was when he turned around to look back that I realized that I had already fallen in love.
*Incidentally, he's only gone for the summer. This is not a tragedy in any way.*