(A bit disorganized, but there's no way I could straighten out this train of though tonight.)
I'm leaving soon. I turned 18 this spring, and I'm leaving for the summer to live with my half-brother. I'm excited - but the thought of leaving is so strange. I also just got my license, which means I'm now driving myself to college, and Taekwon-Do, and everything else, which is also weird. Josephine's a cranky old creature that wobbles whenever you go faster than she thinks is acceptable and needs new shocks. I love her though, unreasonably so, considering she's a vehicle.
I can't wait to leave, in one way. Moving out is exciting. Packing makes me want to giggle, in the way that ends with a shriek because I'm so thrilled to be doing this.
But honestly? Thinking about it makes me want to cry sometimes. I don't cry easily - did you know that? I'm going to miss hanging out with my best friend and going to Taekwon-Do with my family. I'm going to miss the summer weekends at the campground. I'm going to miss watching dumb YouTube videos with Kevin.
I want to say I'm growing up. Maybe I am, a little. But do you know why I'm doing this? Because one day in April, I got so mad and so messed up that I decided I wanted to get away from it all. Real mature, Bridget. Of course, now that's not why; not very much anyway.
I'm leaving the day after finals. It feels too soon. It should be fun. I practically have a job already - long story - and Sean's going to teach me how to play football and basketball. Yeah, I'm 18, and I never learned how. Time to fix that. I'm going to teach him how to rollerblade. This summer's going to be awesome.
But sometimes I catch myself and wonder what the heck I'm doing (although I usually wonder that in stronger terms). I do a lot of weird, stupid things, but this is something new. Oh, yeah, I know that I'm plenty old enough. I'm just having weird moments.
I've learned how to move on, at least a little. Apparently accepting disappointment is something that happens when you grow up. Doing things that scare the crap outta you - maybe not so grown-up, but goodness knows if that will ever change.
Life is such a novelty to me still. All I can say is that I hope growing up doesn't mean losing that. I kind of like the butterfly feeling I get when I'm scared, and the jittery feeling when I've just discovered something new.
I think maybe I'll keep that.