Knitting Needles Are Not For Knitting

An Essay By Clare Marie // 11/5/2008

It started with a simple question....

“Do you knit?” My friend Anne was over for the day and we had been talking pleasantly about books and movies on the floor of my bedroom, when she espied my long-neglected bag of knitting. She of course asked the inevitable.

“Occasionally,” I answered, sighing a little while trying to recall the last time I had actually completed a knitting project. Anne then rummaged through the bag and drew out my largest pair of needles, made of fat, grey plastic.

“Ooo,” she gasped and excitedly began fiddling with the needles, probably imagining swords in her hands and orcs waiting to be killed. I amusedly watched her for a minute or two and was struck with a thought.

“Here, do you want to see the rest of my needles?” She was all enthusiasm and I drew out my needle case. Unzipping it, I opened the flaps to reveal a glorious rainbow of metallic pink, grey, blue and green needles. Her happiness knew no bounds and she pulled out various needles which struck her fancy. I dumped the rest of them on the carpet, and thus it began: a full two hours or more of mindless fun using knitting needles.

First, as we were listening to music [I don’t remember what exactly; something fun with a good rhythm], we each grabbed two needles and began to beat out the time, on other needles, on the bedside table, the balls of yarn, the carpet, books pulled off the shelf.

We tired of that soon enough, and Anne began another form of amusement. Laying two needles of the same size a few inches apart on the floor, she set another needle on top and let it go, watching it roll off the tapered ends of the bottom needles. I joined her, and we experimented with different colors, sizes and numbers of needles.

“Oh, pretty” we would exclaim, and “that’s so cool” and a drawn out “sweeeeeeeeet”. As the saying goes, simple people take pleasure in simple things.

Soon Anne got another brilliant idea, propped up some balls of yarn, and began to throw a knitting needle at a ball, trying to get the needle to stick in the yarn like a dart in a target. I did the same for a little while, but soon tired of it [becoming discouraged because my needles never stuck in the yarn correctly]. So I picked up another two needles and started banging them together or something idiotic.

Anne again poked through my knitting supplies, and found a small packet of plastic rings. She asked me what they were for.

“No idea. They came with one of my knitting kits, and I haven’t found out yet what they’re used for.” She opened the bag and slipped them onto a knitting needle.

I was delighted and I grabbed the needle, shaking it like a maraca.

“We should start our own Knitting Needle band,” I joked. We shared a chuckle.

Then I made a wondrous discovery.

I found that if you hit the needle with the rings just so, the rings go shooting up the needle, spinning vigorously and falling back down with a clatter.

“Look, look!” I shouted, extremely pleased. Anne was enthralled, of course; she tried it herself.

“This should be like a kids’ toy, or something,” she said after repeatedly spanking the needle in glee. Unfortunately she missed her mark and whacked her hand, crumbling over in pain, but laughing. Perhaps the kids’ toy idea wasn’t that hot.

She again rapped her knuckles two or three more times, and hurriedly gave the needle and rings back to me. We sat bedazzled as I struck the two metallic instruments together again and again and the grey rings jumped and leaped like a troop of Dufflepuds.

About this time, we changed CDs to “The Return of the King”. Something of Tolkien’s ingenuity must have rubbed off on us, because we found our means of greatest entertainment. Eureka!

If one smacks a knitting needle lying on the floor hard enough, with another needle, the former will hop into the air, somehow the result of the extreme force. This itself was enough to amuse. But then we began to hit the needle as fast as we could, and found that it made the needle “dance” in the air. It looked as if it were floating.

Naturally, a diversion like this is not without its dangers, which we realized [rather painfully, maybe]. So we wrapped pillowcases over our heads, to protect against any needles which have been struck the wrong way, and thus go flying through the air [likely to whap an innocent head].

We laughed until we were breathless, rolling on the floor, puffing like the Big Bad Wolf. It was comical. One had to be there to fully appreciate the hilarity of the situation. Imagine, if you can, two teenage girls sprawled on the floor of a tiny bedroom, listening to “The Return of the King”, and intently thumping knitting needles; with pillowcases draped over their heads.

I heard someone come up the stairs.

“Someone’s coming!” I hissed. We both paused for a second.

“Quick, keep going!” breathed Anne, and we went back to our hammering, giggling like schoolgirls. We were desperately hoping somebody would peek in the door and see us at our mind-boggling work.

Sadly the door remained closed.

We eventually ran out of breath, so we took off our protective gear and set aside the knitting needles. Just as we got up and stretched, the door opened with a knock, and my brother stared at us quizzically.

“Dinner’s ready,” he said blandly. I nodded and he turned to leave. A thought struck him and he looked at us again.

“What the heck were you guys doing up here?”

Anne and I looked at each other; and laughed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
PS. Anne also discovered a way to make a "person" out of: a ball of yarn for a body, pieces of blue yarn for hair, and needles for eyes, nose and mouth; he looked something like Elvis, actually. Sadly, he ended up getting knocked over and destroyed....
Hopefully he will be satisfied with just being mentioned here.
We couldn't pay for the funeral.

Comments

LOL.

Isn't it great to be with a wacky friend and a bunch of poky, dangerous little things? :D
(Now, you know what's really hard? Actually knitting with the needles. :D)
**********
"Weddings? I love weddings! Drinks all around!" -Jack Sparrow

Anna | Wed, 11/05/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

that was so..

that was so funny, crazy, or whatever it was it made me laugh!! (well, it is'nt that crazy, becouse we can do some whacky things, though nothing is on the top of my head...) :D

luv,
Bernadette

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"my brother, my captain, my king," Boromir.

Bernadette | Thu, 11/06/2008

:D

I'm glad you guys enjoyed it! I have never laughed so hard in my life as I did when we were banging the needles on the floor; so I had to share. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Thu, 11/06/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

I really enjoyed this!

This was sooo funny!!!! It made me laugh!!!!

Elizabeth | Thu, 11/06/2008

************

The Holy Spirit is the quiet guest of our soul." -St. Augustine

Terrifically Funny

Loved it! Thanks for reminding me of silly moments with good friends.

Rachel

Anonymous | Thu, 11/06/2008

I love sharp things! When I

I love sharp things! When I go by a knife case in the store, I always say "sharp things!" and then in a quiet voice that sounds like I'm planning evil deeds "sharp things...heh heh."

With friends (as said in the essay) I can do some damage things, and influence other people to do the same. You know, like stabbing things with knives.

You have the CD to Return of the King?! You lucky person.

Last question: have you ever stabbed a tin Chinese Checkers board with a knife?

"....So we're all men of our word, really, except Elizabeth who is in fact a woman." Captain Jack Sparrow

The Brit | Fri, 11/07/2008

Elizabeth and Rachel: So

Elizabeth and Rachel: So happy you liked it!! :)

Hannah: Yeah, I love my LOTR CDs!! I don't know what I would do without them. They have provided many hours of amusement.
Oh yes, sharp things have a something about them that's very intriguing...
Although I have never stabbed a tin Chinese Checkers board with a knife. Sounds like fun. :D I have chopped other things up with knives, and my brother has unsuccessfully tried to sharpen a pencil with a knife. And I have broken my back trying to chop down a huge weed [practically a tree] with a totally useless hatchet...
Is it just me, or does this conversation have a slightly morbid aura?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Sat, 11/08/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

Once I cut a slug in half

Once I cut a slug in half with a hatchet...it was really fun, it's guts went squirting all over the place.
Have you ever been shooting? I went shooting yesterday, and I was very pleased with my wonderful aim.
I love Arizona, because you can see for miles and miles. We saw the San Fransico Peaks (is that how it's spelled?) which are fifty+ miles away from where we were. It was beautiful. I could also see the reddish-brown rocks of Sadona.
But back to dangerous things. I was throughing darts with my sister today (I kept hitting the wall).

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."-Captain Jack Sparrow

The Brit | Sat, 11/08/2008

My cousin and I DID cut down

My cousin and I DID cut down a tree with a hatchet... it was FUN!!!
**********
"Weddings? I love weddings! Drinks all around!" -Jack Sparrow

Anna | Sun, 11/09/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

....

Chopping things done is always a reliable form of entertainment.

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."-Captain Jack Sparrow

The Brit | Sun, 11/09/2008

I've never been

I've never been shooting.
But I have done archery numerous times, and that is REALLY FUN!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Sun, 11/09/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

I only done like, five

I only done like, five minutes of archery and it was really fun. I want do more, but I don't know if we have the bows anymore. I should ask my dad if we do, and if so, then maybe we can try it again. Does your dad go hunting?

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."-Captain Jack Sparrow

The Brit | Sun, 11/09/2008

Nope. Actually, the reason

Nope. Actually, the reason I started archery was because I was Legolas one year for Halloween, and my dad brought home a bow and arrows for me.
Then I started to have fun. :D

My good friend and her brother also have bows [which are much better than mine]; and because I used to go there often we do archery together sometimes. Now she isn't homeschooled anymore, so we don't get much of a chance to see each other... :(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Mon, 11/10/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

I love archery, but I can

I love archery, but I can only do it for a week at summer camp, which means that whenever I start to improve I lose it over the next year.
**********
"Weddings? I love weddings! Drinks all around!" -Jack Sparrow

Anna | Mon, 11/10/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

I ahve never been to any

I ahve never been to any camp, so I don't know what it's like. There is a christian camp, like, six hours from here, in Calaforna. It's a great camp (I actually did go with my sister and mom for a mother daughter retreat) And it has a lot of things there. I want to go with some other kids, but I don't have very many in my church, and my other friends are all in Texes (and also one two hours south).

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."-Captain Jack Sparrow

The Brit | Mon, 11/10/2008

have you ever tried using

have you ever tried using knitting needle for *drum roll* KNITTING??
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Abstract, random thoughts flit through my mind,
manisfesting themselves in meaningless doodles.............................

Sarah | Mon, 11/10/2008

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

:D

LOL
Yup, I've tried a few times, and wonder of wonders, I actually finished the projects once or twice! I need someone to actually TEACH ME, because the books I try to follow turn my head in circles and I get too annoyed.
These books of course insist that learning knitting is a piece of cake.

Maybe I'm too dense, I dunno. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Tue, 11/11/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

no, it really is simple.

no, it really is simple. Once you know the basic knit stich, and of course, how to cast on and off, you can churn out scarfs by the dozens!
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Abstract, random thoughts flit through my mind,
manisfesting themselves in meaningless doodles.............................

Sarah | Tue, 11/11/2008

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

Yeah, and the purl stitch,

Yeah, and the purl stitch, and yarn overs, and carry overs.... :) Haha, I have an expert to help me if I get into any trouble.
Although she tells me I am the first person ever to stump her with a problem in my knitting....
**********
"Weddings? I love weddings! Drinks all around!" -Jack Sparrow

Anna | Wed, 11/12/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

What kills me is trying to

What kills me is trying to change colors in knitting. I have actually made a project where the colors changed, but it looks like...blah. Very non-professional!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Wed, 11/12/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

Really? I find that very

Really? I find that very easy. Perhaps I just have a better teacher, though. :)
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Abstract, random thoughts flit through my mind,
manisfesting themselves in meaningless doodles.............................

Sarah | Wed, 11/12/2008

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

Don't you just tie one skein

Don't you just tie one skein of yarn to the other skein to change color???
**********
"Weddings? I love weddings! Drinks all around!" -Jack Sparrow

Anna | Thu, 11/13/2008

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Yeah... But something always

Yeah...

But something always comes out wrong whenever I try to change colors.

Don't ask.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Thu, 11/13/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

Knitting is interesting. I

Knitting is interesting. I used to be really into it. Now I don't have time! :0( The first project I ever made, I tried changing colors. Didn't work so well.
Have you guys ever made one of the braided rugs like they did in pioneer times?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
But he didn't live happily ever after because he was a fairy-tale non-conformist
~Duncan MR

Heather | Tue, 11/18/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

No, I wish I could! The

No, I wish I could! The closest I've gotten to a genuine, homemade rug is a hooked rug. Those are always fun to do, but it's not very original because you just follow the pattern and that's that. It's quite easy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Thu, 11/20/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

HAHA...oh wow.

This was just too awesome. I loved, loved loved it! It sort of reminds me of the yarn fight a friend and I had once. :P

-Ellie (from the AP message board)

Anonymous | Thu, 11/20/2008

Thanks!!

Thanks!!

Yarn fight?
Wow, that sounds fun. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
-Vizzini

Clare Marie | Thu, 11/20/2008

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

yes, quite. We were rather

yes, quite. We were rather hyper, and it was at 2 am. :D

-Ellie

Anonymous | Sat, 11/22/2008

My brother did one really

My brother did one really funny and dangerous thing at his college dorm.
Two guys grab matteresses, run straight into each other with theses matteresses and topple over and like, squish each other and keep tackling each other.
They called it "Mattress Wars".

Emily-Smileygirl (not verified) | Sat, 11/29/2008

GREAT JOB!! I loved it!

Nice Job! Great writing and amazing story. :p

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie Marie
BFF To Katie Sara

kayteesonlinejournal.blogspot.com

KatieMarie | Sat, 12/27/2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Because After All, A Person's a Person, no matter how small." -Dr.Seuss

"It's twisted, messed up. And the more I think abouti t, it's crazy, but so what?" -Carrie Underwood

And they lived happily

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