Mend

A Poem By Emilee // 7/24/2012

I would greatly appreciate any comments/advice! Mend I stand so tall I look so strong I exude confidence My gait is long My clothes are pressed My jewelry is new I smile with warmth My rent is not due They look up to me He thinks I am brave They’re gaze is suffocating I won’t rest till my grave My heart is in pieces He is so silent Your cradle is empty My crying is violent They’re world spins Mine is at its end His is so torn I pretend to mend Your cradle will be filled I will actually be strong He will kiss my head They won’t be wrong I will never forget He won’t even try I will cling to his love My tears will be dry I whisper I love you She kisses your teddy He holds them both near I look on, steady.

Comments

This was...

This was a good poem with a couple of stanzas that really popped. For me, they were these two:

My heart is in pieces
He is so silent
Your cradle is empty
My crying is violent

And

I whisper I love you
She kisses your teddy
He holds them both near
I look on, steady.
----------

I'm not entirely sure what this is about, but I really like that. It has a certain mystery to it. You illustrated the weaknesses of someone pretending to be strong quite well.

They’re gaze is suffocating
They’re world spins

In these two lines "They're" should be "Their". Don't feel like you have to change it, though! I don't always do. :)

Good job! Keep posting.

-Homey :D

Madeline | Wed, 07/25/2012

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thank you!

I know that the They're should be their....I realized it, right after I submitted it...I was so upset!! I probably shouldn't write so late at night! It's about a woman who lost her baby, and also I really wanted to focus on the image we all try to put forward when we're in pain. I'm so glad you liked it!

Emilee | Wed, 07/25/2012

A poem begins as a lump in the thoat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness -Robert Frost
Emilee @ http://fantasticalpaperrealm.blogspot.com/

I really like practically

I really like practically everything in this piece! Well, except for that typo. ;) I just strongly dislike typos and grammatical errors and I try so hard not to have them in my writing. :)

The poem is like a mystery. But when you said what it is about, it just fits in perfectly!

Really hope to see more of your writing!

God Bless! :)

Lucy Anne | Thu, 07/26/2012

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ooh--

Ooh--now this makes perfect sense! Great job. :) What a sad topic to tackle, but you did it so well.

Madeline | Thu, 07/26/2012

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

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