Rhyming lines

A Poem By Emilee // 8/21/2012

I would love any comments/advice!!
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Rhyming Lines

My mind is filled
With rhyming lines
The rhythm beats
Always just off time

The pen dances
Across paper white
The word’s cliché
The sentence’s trite

I cannot keep back
These jumbled words
My heart would die
So they soar like birds

My emotions show
I don’t go into hiding
When I have a pen
It’s how I do my crying

You see words
On a page that’s white
With rhyming lines
The sentence’s so trite

But you judge me
Not those soiled pages
Because that’s me
When not kept in cages

Comments

:)

Wonderful job!

Lucy Anne | Wed, 08/22/2012

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sorry for not getting to this sooner!

It's very nice; I'm sure if when you said: Across paper white
and then said later in a different line: On a page that's white.

I'm not sure if you meant that as a repeating thing in a poem; but its just one of my pet hates when in a peice of writing someone mentions the same word twice; depends how they do it;... I don't think I'm making any sense.

Anyway, I loved the last verse; great job! :D

Maddi | Mon, 08/27/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

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