Flame, cool, sea, burn

Fiction By Erin // 11/17/2011

*A/N* Inspired by the song The Enemy by Mumford and Sons (my current favorite song ever) the link to it (everybody should listen!) is here: http://www.mumfordandsons.com//news/listen-to-the-enemy-for-wuthering-heights This particular storyish-type-thing is very muddled, unclear, and grammatically incorrect. It's basically a stream of emotions from a borderline- insane/dying man who is hallucinating about a mistake he made involving a woman he loved. I hope everyone is able to enjoy it!

 

He felt himself walk to the field. He felt himself watch over the village. He felt himself lay down in the hot gold grass, his eyes watering at the sun burning hard hot into his face but refusing to close his eyes. He felt himself want to go blind, or feel enough pain to put him out of it, or put her out of his head, at least.
As he watched that sun, instead of spots going across his vision he saw a red haired girl (her hair like flames) with sea eyes that could be so cooling that he wanted to jump into them but when he tried she disappeared, blending into the hot sunset like the rest of the landscape. He cried real tears and he felt the nothingness that had engulfed him and fell like he had fallen from her and her dependence.
He felt her hand on his shoulder then slapping him across the cheek hard hot. He felt his eyes open and saw her sea eyes glinting over him and the flame red stood out against the sky now dark and cool. His eyes still felt like they were burning, burning. She told him to close them as he felt agony but she stroked his face with cool hands and he felt it start to ebb. He asked why did she clutch onto him when he was already gone and she said because she trusted him and he said he was sorry that happened and she said she had to go and when she fell into the sky he still felt the cool mark of her hand on his cheek like an imprint to keep him living.

Comments

I like this

I like this, it has a very fevered feel to it. Also I love Mumford & Sons and The Enemy is beautiful.

Tamerah | Thu, 11/17/2011

Thank you! I was hoping it

Thank you! I was hoping it wouldn't be too muddled, but it was the only way I could think of to write from an insane and dying person's POV. Mumford and Sons has some of the most meaningful music I have ever heard :) It makes me feel like writing!

Erin | Fri, 11/18/2011

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Intriguing and emotional.

Intriguing and emotional.

Anna | Tue, 11/22/2011

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Thanks, Anna. I'm actually

Thanks, Anna. I'm actually considering expanding it into a full book/multiple-part-short-story. I think that (for me, anyway) it would have more emotional impact if the reader actually knew the character that was suffering. If anybody reads this comment, any thoughts?

Erin | Wed, 11/23/2011

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

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