On Getting Old
Since others also seem to be catching the omgimgettingolderialmosthavenochildhoodleftwhyamisoangstyidontknowwhatiwantanymore bug, I figured that I would toss in my two cents on the subject.
Ever since I was about twelve, I’ve known what I wanted to do with my life. You know what’s funny is that I don’t even remember what that was anymore.
I hit about fifteen and started changing my mind, getting more indecisive; however, I was still ME. I wasn’t angry/angsty/sappyteenromantic. I was the kind of girl that everybody loved but also kind of hated because I was so happy all of the time. The emotional rock when everyone else was going crazy. It appeared that I had no problems (which I really didn’t—and honestly, I still don’t. It just feels that way to me). My friends, most of which are older than me, always teased me about how when I turn sixteen, I was going to feel like the world hated me and get super angsty, etc. I didn’t believe it at all, but it was a fun joke.
Bam. I turned sixteen, and a few months later I was angsty and mad at the world, and for what? I shut myself off for a while. I was going to work, coming home, doing homework, and that was about it. I was so angry that nothing was happening for me, nothing was making me feel happy and passionate like I used to feel all the time. I missed the fulfillment that came with doing something that I actually cared about.
I stopped seeing my friends as much. Part of that is scheduling issues and part of that is me. I’m changing. I’m growing up and growing away from who I used to be. If they don’t like that, I understand. I miss my “glory years”, of course, but at the same time I’m looking forward to some changes.
The thing is that I don’t know what I want these changes to be. When something good happens, I’m not even excited. It’s this never-ending, immensely frustrating cycle of wanting so many things that I feel like I can never get.
I’ve been working on it for the past couple of months. I’m trying to get out of my “angry angsty teenager mode” so that I can actually enjoy my life. I’m 17—that’s only one more year until I’m considered an adult. I feel like I haven’t even LIVED the past few months. Life is passing me by, and it’s not going to slow down to let me catch up. Sure, I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, what my college major’s going to be, who I’m going to marry, or whether I’m going to a haunted house on Halloween; but you know what? I don’t care. It’s time for me to seize the day, ladies and gentlemen. I’m going back to Kohl’s to buy that shirt that made me look pretty. I’m going to cut my bangs like I’ve been wanting to for months. I’m going to finally start going to the gym again. I'm going to make an effort to actually see my friends, instead of waiting on them to come see me.
Heck, I might even try to learn to play the guitar on Youtube.
My point is that if we all start panicking about getting older, nothing good is going to come of it. We might as well enjoy being young because it’s not going to last much longer. Soon, our decisions are going to impact people in a real way. We’re going to be raising our kids and going to work every day, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. So let’s seize the day, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s go live our lives while we’ve still got them.