How it Ends

A Poem By Erin // 6/27/2013

1. On the Edge
I find myself running more and more
Constantly in fear that I won’t run fast enough
I’m having those dreams where I run to a cliff
And I can’t stop before I step off the edge.

2. Variables
Dare you to keep me in your head
Even if you’re too afraid to try
Variables are thrown in left and right
In our lives we may just have to let it go
Nearly close enough, but just a finger’s breadth out of reach

3. How It Ends
Butterflies sting, twist, knot, salt in my throat, you in my eyes.
A gentle loss is crashing into me like the shore of a windy lake
At the end of the road we can meet like old friends
Share a few blissful passive smiles
But after we leave, we’ll know who was in the wrong

4. The Waltz
We danced, once
Do you remember?
I was keenly aware
Of your hand on my waist
Our right palms fit together
Like pieces to a puzzle
You led me, swaying side to side
Heat radiated from your heart
Found its way to my cheeks
I kept my head down
Hoping that you wouldn’t notice
Every time I looked up
I met your eyes, full of happiness
And knew that it was because of her
On your wedding day
Not because you were dancing with me.

5. Blue Polyester
The color blue met ebony and faded into violet cutting red across polyester dreams turquoise is my favorite but you met me with a sapphire, it’s our birthstone and it’s on my third left finger, don’t let the moment end, the color pink floods the sky cotton candy bliss and smiles

Comments

Critiques first, then! Haha.

Critiques first, then! Haha. :)

1. I feel like run/running was used too much. I like the idea of the poem, but I feel like that needs to be taken care of (the overuse of run) and then maybe have some more depth added to it.

And that's about it, really.

Number three was my favorite!! I love the last two lines. Wonderful job. :)

I guess my only other critique here would be that I feel like I've read these poems before. Not that you've posted them before, but just that I've read the same thing, same idea, same meaning too many times. It's really hard to differentiate poems when they all have the same general mood to them.

So that's my only other complaint! Which really even isn't a complaint, or a fault of yours. :)

Anyway, thank you for posting!! I always am really glad when I see your stuff pop up on the homepage!

-Homey :)

Madeline | Thu, 06/27/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

I totally agree, thank you so

I totally agree, thank you so much! These were written in the same time period as all the other ones, I'm actually starting to put more variation into my writing. I've been stuck in a rut, lately ;) Thank you for the critiques!
P.S. I LOVE your quote!

Erin | Thu, 06/27/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I have problems today

I just managed to similtaneously forget to login and to leave out part of what I wanted to say. So there will be an anonymous comment coming through at some point really similar to this one, and that would be me. But I thought I'd say it again anyway so that I can put in the critique part. So, sorry about that. But anyway, to the point.

I loved number 4. I've been in enough similar situations, and you did a lovely job of describing it. I especially liked

I was keenly aware
Of your hand on my waist

and
I kept my head down
Hoping that you wouldn’t notice

And for the critiques: I agree with what Homey said. Does that count? Also, I felt like 5 was a little disconnected. I think it was supposed to be a little hazy, but I felt like it was hard to follow. That could just be me, though. :)

little woman | Thu, 06/27/2013

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

Lol, I just almost forgot to

Lol, I just almost forgot to log back in, too! Thank you for the critiques :) I definitely agree with both of you about the first one (I honestly don't know how I didn't notice that-redundancy and repeated word usage is one of my pet peeves!!!!!) number 5 was kind of a freewriting exercise, it wasn't meant to make a whole lot of sense. I can see how it would be hard to follow-it's like a giant run on sentence, lol :)
Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!

Erin | Thu, 06/27/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

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