I just wasted approximately one and a half minutes of your life

Fiction By Erin // 6/29/2013

People are like birds. Sometimes the men are the peacocks with the big plumage and all of the little mousy female peacocks are coming up and drooling over them. Sometimes they’re like those awkward little birds that make a special dance for their favorite lady, and she heartlessly turns them down if she disapproves.
I guess that they could also be like preying mantises. I’ve seen girl after girl eat her boyfriend’s head.
I have a hard time understanding people. I always have. It’s not for a lack of trying, I guess. I’ve tried that whole preying mantis thing, and that was the last boyfriend I had. In 5th grade. He asked me to marry him and I thought that was going too far. So, I smacked him and ran away. I think that’s a human equivalent of head-eating.
Now, I’ve moved on to being an awkward peacock. He walks around, smiling with dimples and smelling like cologne (never underestimate the power of cologne. I always thought that those ads were filthy lies, but I was wrong), while I hopelessly stalk his facebook page and watch him from behind fake trees that the principal put in the hallways to “spruce things up”.
Then, in French class, I stare at the messy, blonde back of his head and write love poetry in my notebook, where I make things sound like they’re way more intense than they actually are, because I doubt that he knows that I even exist.
Admittedly, I don’t attract much attention. I’m short, I have mousy brown hair, thick framed glasses that I bought because I thought I would look ironic, and I virtually never speak because I virtually have no friends, except for Tessa, who is my equivalent to a best friend, since she’s the only one who knows about my undying obsession with Rodney (it’s a lame name, I know, but he can’t help it). Honestly, I don’t really know why she hangs out with me, because I think she has other friends and she has a boyfriend who’s in a band that kind of sucks. But somehow, we end up eating and walking to class side by side. She even comes over to my house sometimes, where my parents are so excited that I’m socializing that they practically pelt her with love.
Tessa, unlike me, is a far more noticeable. She’s not as beautiful as some of the girls who are on the cheerleading team, but she looks good considering that she doesn’t coat herself in makeup and wear a push up bra with a v neck shirt that’s way too tight. She has soft brown eyes and dirty-blondish hair that falls down to her waist, and tan skin that makes me kind of jealous because I just burn.
Tessa does a good job of not judging too harshly when he comes walking down the hallway and I dive for cover (usually a plant, but I have resorted to stuffing myself in a locker and using her as a human shield. All nonchalantly, nobody notices). After he finishes passing, I usually come back out with my heart racing.
“Why can’t you just talk to him?” Tessa asks.
“Because he’s perfect,” I reply. Tessa rolls her eyes.
“Not even close, girl,” she say. “Nobody’s perfect until they can play the harmonica, the guitar, and the tambourine at the same time.”
“You’re ridiculous,” I say. Tessa has this firm belief that nobody is as perfect as her boyfriend, who can play three instruments at the same time (the tambourine is between his feet, in case you were wondering).
“I’m not the one hiding in lockers just because a boy is walking within three feet of me.”
“Hush.”
You’re probably curious as to why I’m telling you all of the unnecessary information. The answer is because I felt like writing, and I don’t have a plan for where this is going to go. So, basically, I just wasted approximately one and a half minutes of your life.

Comments

:)

This is very interesting. I could see a story form around this, but I don't know if you'll go anywhere with it.

Susannah | Sun, 06/30/2013

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

Thanks! I thought so, too,

Thanks! I thought so, too, but nothing else was really coming to me. I haven't written any actual fiction with an actual storyline in forever, so I'm working on it!!!! Thanks for commenting :)

Erin | Sun, 06/30/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Yeah, I could definitely see

Yeah, I could definitely see this becoming a good story! Keep writing!

P.S. If you haven't already, read my story 'What Nothing Can Describe.'

P.P.S. I think that was a little more than one and a half minutes that you wasted! JK

Susannah | Sun, 06/30/2013

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

Hello, here's my prestigous and amateur opinion

Well, I thought the dialouge was very well done. And I feel like if you wanted to, you could stick an ending on this and make it a complete short story.

I liked what you wrote about Tessa looking good "considering that she doesn’t coat herself in makeup and wear a push up bra with a v neck shirt that’s way too tight."

Also, the analogy about birds at the beginning, and the cologne part. How is it so overwhelming when a guy smells good? And why does it suddenly make them that much more attractive? And do guys even notice if girls have perfume on? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Anyway, good job! I liked that although this didn't exactly cover a new theme, it still felt fresh, and not like a remake of something. You should write fiction more often. Although I do love your poetry. So don't stop that. :)

little woman | Tue, 07/02/2013

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

Thank you so much!!!! I

Thank you so much!!!! I appreciate it :). I used to only write fiction, so I'm trying to get back into it. I would die of happiness if I could write a legitimate novel. Thanks for commenting :D

Erin | Tue, 07/02/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I love this! Sorry it took me

I love this! Sorry it took me so long to get around to read it.

I just loved the whole fact that there wasn't a point. And I mean that in the best way. This was void of dramatic happenings and big, startling revelations. It was just a girl writing about her liking this guy, and her friend who she's a little bit jealous of, and yeah. It was perfect. Because stories like this--EVERY girl can relate to them, I think, in some respect.

Especially with the facebook stalking. Heh.

Keep this going! I don't know how'd you build upon this--I mean, to be honest, I really like it the way it is. It's mindless, really lovely reading. (Again. I mean that in the best way. Like, you don't have to overthink things. You don't have to wonder about her emotions and I'm not even really concerned with what Rodney thinks about her. I just love the simplicity in this; it makes it so strong).

All right. I'll be done, now. :D This is seriously great, Erin! PLEASE KEEP POSTING!!!!

P.S. Arrrgh this comment sounds mean! Please be aware that this is the exact opposite! I could not find another word for mindless that worked and got my point across...point being that this was just wonderful in the mere fact of its simplicity.

P.P.S. I'll shut up, now.

Madeline | Wed, 07/03/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thank you so much!!!! You

Thank you so much!!!! You didn't sound mean at all! You got the point exactly (the point that there is no point, lol). I appreciate your comment, I'm glad that you liked it so much! All of you people are so motivating. :D

Erin | Wed, 07/03/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

*praying mantises

Did you know that in nature, female praying mantises do not usually eat their mates' heads while/after mating? As for critique, it was an interesting read but a lot of your sentences seem a bit run-on-ish.

a | Thu, 07/04/2013

Thanks :) definitely lots of

Thanks :) definitely lots of run-ons. It was supposed to read as though she was rambling, but it probably seemed overkill, lol. Thanks for commenting!!! *Edit--whoa, I thought preying mantises did!!! MY CHILDHOOD WAS A LIE.

Erin | Thu, 07/04/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Ditto to Homey!

Very well done! I'd have to agree with Homey! The simplicity is fab and I always love your writing... How can you make it flow so easily? I have a hard time believing that your actually having a hard time writing... You are wonderful! <-- I'm sure you hear this all the time though... so...
Me: *squeals* YOU ARE SO AWESOME!
You: *pushes up stylish sunglasses disinterestedly* Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don't know.

:P

Kassady | Thu, 07/04/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Awww, thank you! I appreciate

Awww, thank you! I appreciate it!!!!

Erin | Thu, 07/04/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

42.7 seconds.

Sorry, speed-reader here. This is a decent story. Though, as Leinad pointed out, it is run-onish. And it is, in fact, Praying Mantises. That don't usually eat each other...
Anyway, well good job.

Aalen Fideli | Thu, 07/04/2013

Music I created
[updated]

Lol, thank you :). I didn't

Lol, thank you :). I didn't time myself reading it, but I imagine it is less than one and a half minutes for me, too! Especially since I'm the one that wrote it ;). Thanks for commenting!

Erin | Thu, 07/04/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I googled praying

I googled praying mantises!!!! Cannibalism during mating DOES happen in captivity, probably because they are being observed. They aren't sure if it happens in the wild. So everybody's right!!!!!

Erin | Thu, 07/04/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Thank goodness about the

Thank goodness about the praying mantises....because otherwise that would have changed absolutely everything in the whole world.

Madeline | Fri, 07/05/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

:D

I actually really liked this. It was short, and just nice to read. I don't mind having wasted a minute. I agree with Homey, this was a like a mindless rambling...not in a mean way, lol! And ditto to little woman, I liked this part:
"... she looks good considering that she doesn't coat herself in makeup and wear a push up bra with a v neck shirt that’s way too tight."
Oh, and this made me laugh: "Nobody’s perfect until they can play the harmonica, the guitar, and the tambourine at the same time."
It was good that you added a bit of humour to this; made it more realistic. I might even quote that line. :D

Edit: Praying mantises, gee, I didn't even take that into account...until I read everybody else's comments!

Maddi | Fri, 08/02/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you!!

Thank you!!

Erin | Sat, 08/03/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

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