Intersection

Fiction By Erin // 11/27/2013

DISCLAIMER: Contains mature thematic content (i.e. mentions drunk driving, one strong word edited with asterisks)

Jack and I went to the road where the car had hit her. I could taste the shattered glass, the hot, squealing rubber. We looked both ways and we sprinted to the median where I had seen her body lying on the cold pavement, her limbs outstretched like broken bird wings. I could see it all clearly but it was still fuzzy, flashes and images as if I were trying to recall a dream. Jack laid down the flowers and he set up the cross for her, for the God I didn’t believe in anymore. I hoped I was wrong. I hoped if I was wrong that she got into heaven, because she made her fair share of mistakes but she was wonderful, she was beautiful. Jack grabbed me and just started screaming into my shoulder. I could barely hold him up as his knees buckled beneath him and I knew that he loved her every bit as much as I had, as I still did. I could feel his love in every trembling breath. I wished this wasn’t real, I wished this was just a bad dream, we just held each other and shook and felt the pain and wondered why that beautiful girl had to die that way. I saw her long dark hair, her usually red lips drained of blood that leaked from her skull, her long limbs disfigured and I dug my fingers into Jack’s hoodie. I didn’t want to remember her this way. I didn’t want to remember her as a victim of a car crash, hit by some drunk who didn’t know his a** from a steering wheel, some drunk who killed her, who killed Alison.

Comments

:) Nice sketch.

I liked this. The imagery was awesome, especially this bit:

"I saw her long dark hair, her usually red lips drained of blood that leaked from her skull, her long limbs disfigured and I dug my fingers into Jack’s hoodie."

Well, I guess all of it was good, but that bit just stood out to me.
One thing: "... we sprinted to the median..."
"sprinting" didn't seem to fit in. Maybe they jogged, or dragged their feet, or something other than sprinting. Sprinting, to me, would be like in an emergency or something. I don't know! Your story! Do want you want! !

Maddi | Wed, 11/27/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you! I agree about the

Thank you! I agree about the sprinting thing-I'll make sure to fix that :)

Erin | Wed, 11/27/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Saaaaaaaad. :( The 'now I

Saaaaaaaad. :( The 'now I don't believe in God anymore' is a common theme nowadays, but I understand your use of it. Gotta watch the road, people! Safe driving and all, haha. :D Thanks for posting!

And ehh...maybe a bit of drama but not enough to affect posting. :D

Madeline | Wed, 11/27/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Yeah, it's a pretty cliche

Yeah, it's a pretty cliche theme haha. I thought about not even including it, but decided I would throw it in there lol.

Erin | Wed, 11/27/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I like how you put alot of

I like how you put alot of emotion in just a few words. The structure of last sentence I really liked.

Lucy Anne | Wed, 11/27/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Glad you posted :)

I'm glad you posted this!

I thought this was very well-written, there were parts where I could just feel the emotion pouring through.

Especially:
Jack grabbed me and just started screaming into my shoulder.
and
we just held each other and shook and felt the pain and wondered why that beautiful girl had to die that way

Great job :)

little woman | Wed, 11/27/2013

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

Thanks to both of you!

Thanks to both of you!

Erin | Wed, 11/27/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Erin, you've gotten so much

Erin, you've gotten so much better as a writer. You managed to put hate and helplessness and agony into a single sentence, without any overkill. Whether or not you turn this into a story, I think you painted this wonderfully.

Bridget | Sun, 12/01/2013

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

Thank you so much!!

Thank you so much!!

Erin | Sun, 12/01/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Speechless...

Wow! Ditto to Bridgett and Lucy Anne... WOW! Just wow, Erin! I'm speechless... I could feel the emotions so much that my heart ached! Goodness! This is good!

Kassady | Tue, 12/03/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Erin | Tue, 12/03/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Really...

"one strong word edited with asterisks"

Honestly, what's the point? When everyone read "a**", they read ass. When it comes to posting strong offensive words by placing asterisks in for letters it was originally done to keep from being kicked off game servers and the like. It doesn't actually hide or soften any inappropriate or destructive content. You might as well have just said "ass".

But in this case, let's just write in a way that brings honor and uplifts those around in the Apricotpie community. Because in the end the words we say, or in this case write, to others will echo in eternity with an awesome spiritual impact on others...or covered by God's Grace.

My argument is whether we agree with others' choices on words that are okay or not, why write in a way that shows you could care less. I believe we should follow and honor what James has challenged us with in love, by writing words that ultimately bring love and life to others' lives. Whether you're a believer or not, I'm sure you can agree that love and respect are important in our lives. So let's live lives of honor, even in our writing.

James 3:3-12 has always been a huge reminder to me when I struggle with my word and whenever I have questions of what word I say in my life bring life to others and build them up. Those are the good words and good things to speak in our worlds.

I appreciate everyone here for being willing to share a part of their lives with me through their words. This is just meant to be a friendly challenge and some food for thought.

Nathanael | Fri, 12/13/2013

We are waiting for the long-promised invasion.
So are the fishes. ~ Winston Churchill

I apologize if I offended

I apologize if I offended you, and I will certainly avoid doing that in the future (I don't usually anyway, I just couldn't figure out a way to format that sentence the way I wanted to without it) but I say that if you don't like a particular way of writing, don't comment only on the usage of a particular word and not even mention anything about any other elements of the piece. I am open to criticism and other people's opinions--in fact, I welcome them--however, I feel that it is unnecessary to use a comment on somebody's story to preach your beliefs. You can say that you don't like the usage of that word, but part of critiquing people's writing is including what other likes/dislikes you had, and this was solely a rant. If you want to share your opinion, please feel free create an essay or comment on the Letter from the Editor post.
Sorry if I come across as irritated, I just don't think that condemning other writers for their word usage is an appropriate way to express your opinion.
Thank you.

Erin | Fri, 12/13/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

But....

But technically we censor our writing for younger audiences, so you'd hope that the younger reader doesn't know what a** is... But you blantantly saying ass in your comment isnt helpful, in fact it's just as bad! So, I feel like you are calling the kettle black! Seriously? "You should not write ass" dude, you're writing ass just by saying not to write it! I mean c'mon! At least you could give her an alternative! Like all asterics!
Erin, this was wonderful, maybe next time, to please the peanut gallery you should write the whole cuss word with asterics! Like "***" :)
I know you can stick up for yourself, sorry, just kind of got defensive of ya!
Write on!

Kassady | Fri, 12/13/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Context

Kassady

I was using the word in a logical conversation speaking to how it should not be used. I was not throwing it into quality writing just as some cool slang term that is deemed so by culture. There is a difference. Also as I had directed my original comment, what is the heart behind the matter? Are we just trying to censor useless cuss words from little kids because it's not okay for them to hear or say them when young, but all of the sudden it becomes "cool" and alright to say such things when maybe a little older, like for you high schoolers?

And not to pick on the whole asterisks thing again. Full asterisks is the exact same thing. I mean, if we are all going to be honest, swearing is swearing whether a 10-year-old can decipher it or not. We can't hide the fact that we are using destructive words or language (well we can try). One either compromises to use the word in their writing or they spend more time thinking of how to word something that will at least use language to leave a sweet taste in their readers' mouths.

If there was anyone who took offense to me using said word as well, in my comment, please accept my apology, as maybe I wasn't thinking of you. I am sorry.

Nathanael | Fri, 12/13/2013

We are waiting for the long-promised invasion.
So are the fishes. ~ Winston Churchill

Let's show grace so others don't have to.

Erin,

I thank you for your apology. But I, myself, am not offended by said word. I was simply a little concerned that writers aren't checking themselves. By that I mean that as writers on a community writing blog we need to always double check our motives. Are we writing with others in mind, or are we just using whatever communicates how we feel at the moment. Are we concerned more with the unity of this site and how others may be affected? Or do we care more about our individual way of doing things.

Also I wasn't trying to push my beliefs on your writing more than I was just simply pointing out that we should care about others more on this site than we should care about our own ways of doing things...or beliefs as you put it. So why risk offending anyone, when in love, you could write something in a more quality way. Haha if anything I guess I'm saying, let's be the bigger man and love people and show them grace in our writing so they don't have to love us and show grace to us in their reading of our writing. Does that make sense?

And you know what, you are totally right. I was only thinking about the issue at hand and hadn't even taken the time to address your writing, itself. I will say that enjoy short descriptive pictures painted like this. I am an avid instagramer and I have a few solid peeps that I follow who write like this. And I'm not even kidding, writing like this makes me feel like I was there with them taking the photo, whether a feeling of remorse or of joy comes from it...it hits me. And you know what, not many people take the time to try to communicate little flashes like that. Far from dull. Thank you for the experience.

Nathanael | Fri, 12/13/2013

We are waiting for the long-promised invasion.
So are the fishes. ~ Winston Churchill

I appreciate you taking the

I appreciate you taking the time to explain yourself :). I also appreciate that you took the time to analyze the rest of the story. Thank you!

Erin | Fri, 12/13/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

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