It's a Bittersweet Thing

A Poem By Erin // 8/9/2013

1. When He’s Happy
The kind of smile you want to keep around
Crinkling eyes invite you in
Envelope you in understanding
Silent laughter, it makes the room glow

2. Too Much
You look so tired
Why can’t you just sleep
Tell them to figure it out
You don’t have to hold their hand
Go, darling, take a rest
It’s going to be okay.

3. It’s a Bittersweet Thing
Gone are the days of bliss and simplicity
No complications gone awry
Freedom to say what I want, wake up when I want
My schedule was my own, not anybody else’s business
I’m growing up, and it’s bittersweet.

4. Done
Here we are, standing on opposite sides
This is our battle field
The coffee table our neutral ground
We’ve become generals
Commanding our invisible troops
With the madness that has ensued
I wish that you had been the one that got away.

Comments

Nice :)

Well, I really related to It's a Bittersweet Thing. I spent, like, my entire childhood wishing I was "older". Now I'm older, it pretty much sucks. Not all of it. So like you said, growing up is bittersweet.

"Done" is quite good too. "The coffee table our neutral ground" :D

And the others were good too. I guess because they were shorter, and not as much meaningful words in them, I had to read them twice to get that deep sort of feel.
Oh, and Too Much was great and really relate-able. Just re-read my comment and figured that I must be tired myself. :) Nice job!

Maddi | Sat, 08/10/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you so much! *presents

Thank you so much! *presents digital cookie

Erin | Sat, 08/10/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Coincidence, perhaps... But

Coincidence, perhaps...

But the last line in Done of course reminded me of The Civil Wars' new song. I actually posted it on my blog. Have you heard it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgJQmn9gtmI

I can't quit listening to this song!! Ahh!

Anyway, the line in the song is: I wish you were the one, wish you were the one that got away

If that's a coincidence and you've never heard the song before, that is SO COOL and you must listen to the song at once! And if it was unconsciously, that's cool, too. :) Although I know it's a pretty general saying, but still...

And now down to the critique. I was so excited when I saw a new post from you, and I want you to keep posting because I know anything from you will be awesome! haha. These were good poems.

I do feel the need to say that I didn't feel a connect to any of these, though. Maddi seemed to, so that's awesome--everyone's different, so it's a true measure of talent when you're able to evoke emotion from more than one person, which you have done.

So my real problem with this set of poems is, despite reading them several times, something's just not connecting. I don't know. These didn't feel genuine--almost like something's being held back in each of them.

As I said before, I'm probably the odd one out here. :) I don't know if this is very helpful, but....haha

Please keep posting! And let me know whatcha think of the song. :D It's so, so good. (I think). haha.

Thank you!
-Homey

Madeline | Sat, 08/10/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Teehee, I was wondering if

Teehee, I was wondering if anyone would catch me ripping off The Civil Wars ^_^ love love love that song. I appreciate your critiques, and I feel the same way. *cookie for you too*

Erin | Sat, 08/10/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Whoo! Yay! And you were NOT

Whoo! Yay! And you were NOT ripping them off! hahahaha Like I said, it's a common term. :) But I'm so glad you know them as well! The couple songs of theirs I know are lovely. :) I need to do more research, though...

Madeline | Sat, 08/10/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

They are incredible. It's a

They are incredible. It's a shame that they split up

Erin | Sat, 08/10/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Yes! But did you know about

Yes! But did you know about the new album that came out August 6? (I'm guessing yes, since that's what TOTGA came from).

Madeline | Sat, 08/10/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Yes!!!! It was a happy

Yes!!!! It was a happy surprise :D

Erin | Sat, 08/10/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I really liked that

I really liked that first one:
When He’s Happy
The kind of smile you want to keep around
Crinkling eyes invite you in
Envelope you in understanding
Silent laughter, it makes the room glow

It makes me think of Leinad. He doesn't smile a whole lot, but when he does, it's an amazing smile...

Gina I. | Sat, 12/14/2013

insert something inspiring

Oh!

Oh! How come I didn't see this??? *pouty face*
I want more honestly... I felt like... You know how you go to an ice cream shop and you can get itty bitty samples, small, but just big enough for you to taste the amazing and rich flavor... That's how I felt! I didn't want a sample from a little plastic spoon, I wanted the whole carton!
Please keep posting!
Ditto to Maddi! Love that line "neutral ground" adore!!! *digital high five*

Kassady | Sun, 12/15/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Thanks, y'all! :)

Thanks, y'all! :)

Erin | Sun, 12/15/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Interesting

I'm been keeping this up in a tab for a few weeks, until I have time to read it, and it's rather good. Keep playing with them, try switching a few words around for fun.

Julie | Sun, 12/29/2013

Formerly Kestrel

Thanks! I appreciate the

Thanks! I appreciate the comment. I haven't messed with them since I first wrote them, but I might go back and do what you suggested :)

Erin | Sun, 12/29/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

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