life moves too quickly for my liking

A Poem By Erin // 5/12/2015

it presses in my chest like
a pallet of bricks

time is too tangible

it feels like November was yesterday but
fast-forward six months and

This is the last time
I will see your electric laugh
or
hold your callused hands

at least for a while, anyway

and I don’t know what I will do
when you’re gone

the weight presses more urgently
crushing my ribs and

straining my lungs
until my breathing is labored

who will I be?
without our
words with friends battles

and
your stupid challenges

making me go on dates
with other boys
to hang out with you

because
you knew there was something
between me and him

and you were right
no matter how much
I hated admitting that

I get annoyed when my
phone goes off at 2am
but
I still reply

because it’s you and soon
you won’t be around to harass me
at these outrageous hours

part of me hates your enigmatic charisma
for making me so reliant
on our mutual love of sushi and

you

but the other part regrets nothing
because if I hadn’t
let you in
to my unstable bubble
I wouldn't have known this

wonderful ridiculous smart brave
person
and that I would have regretted

I want to cling to you
as long as you will hold me

I want you to be safe

I know that after a while
you won’t be

I accept that
but I’m not okay with any of it

I will never be completely okay
with any of this

but for now we will
eat some good steak and

I will tell you to write me and
I’ll try not to cry when you hug me
for the last time
and my lungs finally cave in.

Comments

WHEW

Really impacting and lingered in my brain. Raw, open, almost painful to read. Thank you for making yourself vulnerable through your poetry!
I absolute gave a yelp of joy at "see your electric laugh" -- loved that. :D To "see" a laugh.
And one of the greatest parts for me was "for making me so reliant / on our mutual love of sushi" -- because you started that sentence off so seriously and ended it with something shockingly unexpected. Really effective, though - because obviously there's more to the sushi than we know. Like time spent together eating it. But I relished the shock, too.
"I will never be completely okay / with any of this," was so honest and reminded me that it's okay to not be okay. Thank you for this!

Sarah Bethany | Sat, 05/16/2015

Thank you so much! Your

Thank you so much! Your comments are always so encouraging. I'm glad that the part about "seeing" his laugh came off well. It was something I liked but I wasn't sure if it would be too jarring. Again, thank you!

Erin | Sat, 05/16/2015

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Wow, this was beautiful. The

Wow, this was beautiful. The continuity of the pressure until your lungs finally gave really made this piece. There are so many little bits and instances I adore from this. It's equal parts tranquil, bittersweet, and urgent.

part of me hates your enigmatic charisma
for making me so reliant
on our mutual love of sushi and

you

There's something about that part in particular that I really love, that gives us insight into who this person is. It's like that you entirely cements the person you've crafted with your words. I get from just that one word that this person is confident, and outgoing, and proud of themselves--and that you love them for that. (correct me if I'm super wrong, haha!) But I really think that moment is crucial in this piece.

Your beginning here is so strong as well: it presses in my chest like/
a pallet of bricks
. I can't stress that enough. First of all: pallet of bricks--a slight tweaking from the norm (a pile of bricks, a wall of bricks, etc...), and it really paid off.

Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us, Erin. Sorry I didn't comment sooner! This is definitely a treasure! <3 Stay strong, and I hope the absolute best for your friend.

Madeline | Mon, 05/18/2015

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thank you so much! I love

Thank you so much! I love getting comments from you. I'm glad that who I have in mind seems to be coming through how I had hoped he would, because you described him very well. lol. Thank you again.

Erin | Mon, 05/18/2015

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Ahh!

This is so painfully written, and all the descriptions about lungs caving in and all that I really identify with and I'm glad you opened up so well to post this.
"part of me hates your enigmatic charisma"
I LOVE that. I KNOW that. And this:
"it feels like November was yesterday but
fast-forward six months and"
ARh!! And what Homey was saying about that single "you"...
I could go on and on. This is written amazingly, and you are brilliant at describing your own feelings. Well done, Erin.

Maddi | Sun, 05/24/2015

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you so much! I'm glad

Thank you so much! I'm glad you could identify with this.

Erin | Mon, 05/25/2015

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

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