Snippets

Fiction By Erin // 10/24/2013

1. First Dates
I’ll never forget the first time he ran his hand through my hair. I was engulfed in the way he looked at me: like I was a treasure, like I meant something. I’ll remember the chilly autumn air and the shudder in my bones when his chapped lips met mine. I’ll remember how embarrassed I was when I pulled away from him in surprise. “Nonono, I didn’t mean to, do it again!” I recall crying, shoving my hands in my pockets. I remember how he laughed at me and after a period of begging, he kissed me again with his chapped lips and I didn’t pull away.

2. Only Sometimes
She loved him for the way he walked with a bounce in his step, a certain energy and swagger that only he could obtain. She loved him for his smile could light up her day (his eyes crinkled at the corners and lit with this little boy mischievousness and she loved it). She loved him for he put himself into everything, even if it broke him. She loved him for his good days and his bad ones, she wished that she could heal him, she wished that she could always be the reason for his smile. But she wasn’t always. Only sometimes.

3. Signals
I wish that you would send me a sign, whether it be a note or a motion or an aerial display or a smoke signal or actually spoken from your mouth. I need something to go on, here.

Comments

I love number 2!!

It's so perfect...aww! SO cute. :D
Um...I'm tempted to think number 3 isn't fiction...but then again, what about number 2?? Tell me!

Maddi | Thu, 10/24/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

These are beautiful! :) I

These are beautiful! :)
I like the first and second the best.

I think the non-fiction one is probably #2 , simply because it is the only one not written in first person- indicating an attempt (whether purposeful or not) to distance it from yourself so that people wouldn't guess right away.
Then again... maybe I'm wayyyyy off... :) I tend to read too much meaning into things... :)

Elizabeth Anne | Thu, 10/24/2013

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

Maddi: Thank you! I'm glad

Maddi: Thank you! I'm glad you liked them!
Elizabeth Anne: I'm glad you enjoyed them!!!
As for which one is real.......it's a secret ;-) I'll leave it to the imagination!

Erin | Fri, 10/25/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I'm with these girls! I mean,

I'm with these girls! I mean, awesome for you if #1 was real. :D Methinks #2. Well, actually, I thought it was #3 until they said #2, which perhaps made more sense since it was less vague. BUT THESE ARE AWESOME. And I remember your fiction days, too! *stares back into the void of past Apricot Pie writing* And now I gotta go post a Thank-you to James and clog up the homepage. *sigh* AGAIN! Anyone care to clog it up with me and annoy everyone? (Although I think seeing my name is more likely to get a rise out of them more than anyone else's). And also, I have no idea who this 'everyone' is.

Madeline | Fri, 10/25/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thank you!!! Again, it's a

Thank you!!! Again, it's a secret and if enough people guess correctly, I might eventually reveal it. :)

Erin | Fri, 10/25/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

A few critiques real quick:

A few critiques real quick: On the first one, I think you added in a comma which really didn't belong, or make sense. "Nonono, I didn’t mean to, do it again!” the second comma doesn't make sense to me.
In the second She loved him for his smile could light up her day I'm guessing a word is just missing like "which could" or something like that... And maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it doesn't make sense to me.
And that's it for the critiques!

I LOVE SNIPPETS!!!! Thank you for posting these, they are always enjoyable!!! And I think (from reading past poetry which seems to have the same pattern over and over again) that the non-fiction is #3
Thank's for posting!!! WANT MORE!

Kassady | Sun, 10/27/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Thanks! As for the comma:

Thanks!
As for the comma: removing it would change the context of my sentence. She was telling him to kiss her again, not saying that she didn't mean to do it again. I probably didn't make that clear enough :). Yeah, that sentence seemed funky to me.
Anyway, thank you!

Erin | Sun, 10/27/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

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