I Wish

A Poem By Aredhel Írissë // 11/27/2013

Oh, what sweet music you bring,
When the bow crosses o’er your string.
I wish I could play you;
Just like others do.

I wish, I wish.

Your sound brings such joy,
Your music, so sweet!
I wish I could play you,
If I could, I'd play you.

I wish, I wish.

Your lovely sound,
Makes me not want quit
Learning to play you.
How can they do it?

I wish, I wish.

Oh what joy to me you bring,
When a song you angelically sing,
I wish I could play you, I do!
Dear Violin, I want to learn you!

I wish, I wish.

Someday I'll learn to play you,
Just like others do.
You'll sing to me,
So beautifully.

I hope, I hope.

Comments

Beautiful! The rhyme scheme

Beautiful!
The rhyme scheme is very good and beautifully steady, even though it does falter once or twice. (The stanza that begins "If only you had better strings" seems to break from the pattern of the previous stanzas)
I also love the placement of the "I wish, I wish" which is then replaced by "I hope, I hope." This really brings a sense of deeper meaning to the poem as the previous stanzas had all been somewhat helpless and hopeless. You were simply wishing for something impossible to happen. And then, at the very end, you change to a more hopeful desire to learn.

Overall, this is a very good first poem. :)
Keep writing. You'll get better with practice. :)

Elizabeth Anne | Sat, 11/30/2013

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

Beautiful! The rhyme scheme

Beautiful!
The rhyme scheme is very good and beautifully steady, even though it does falter once or twice. (The stanza that begins "If only you had better strings" seems to break from the pattern of the previous stanzas)
I also love the placement of the "I wish, I wish" which is then replaced by "I hope, I hope." This really brings a sense of deeper meaning to the poem as the previous stanzas had all been somewhat helpless and hopeless. You were simply wishing for something impossible to happen. And then, at the very end, you change to a more hopeful desire to learn.

Overall, this is a very good first poem. :)
Keep writing. You'll get better with practice. :)

Elizabeth Anne | Sat, 11/30/2013

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

Thank you!

I've been wanting to change different little things in the poem, actually, but right now I don't know how I would change them :)

Aredhel Írissë | Sat, 11/30/2013

Well done!

I have to say this is a lot better than what I wrote at your age. :) I like the first stanza the best; and like what Elizabeth said, at the end when you expressed the desire to learn.

Maddi | Sun, 12/01/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you, Maddi!

I'm glad that you liked it :)

Aredhel Írissë | Sun, 12/01/2013

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