Modern Tips For Princes

Fiction By Heather // 2/5/2009

Modern Tips For Princes
How to Sweep Your Love Off Her Feet Without Being Cliché
By Flora, Fairy Assistant to Happy Endings

Hello, all! I'm back with more advice for novice fairies and clueless royalty!

I’ve recently received a lot of emails and letters from princes seeking new ways to get a princess to fall in love with them. What these poor boys don’t realize is that time has changed and princesses have changed along with them. The day of the white horse and long black locks is gone—hopefully forever! So, as I answer a few of these questions, I hope that it will help a few of you modern dragon-slayers to win your fair lady!

Letter #1—Dear Flora, I’m in love with one of the most beautiful princesses in the land. In order to impress her, I bought one of the most impressive white horses I could find. This horse stands sixteen hands high and is pure white with a silver star on his forehead. I thought for sure she’d fall for me then—but she just turned up her nose and stalked off to join another prince for a ride in his new horseless carriage. So I’m left with no love, an enormous horse that burns through hay, and a broken heart. What should I do?
Prince Horse-Lover

Answer #1—Dear Horse-Lover, I find it interesting that you describe the horse more than you do the princess you’re in love with. Maybe you should start telling your princess that she’s beautiful instead of describing this wonderful horse!
As for the horse, sell him. Horseless carriages, otherwise known as automobiles, cars, trucks, vehicles, etc, are all the rage! Princesses love to be seen zipping around in one of those hot new sports models. I’d suggest Googling a few websites and seeing what you find in cute cars (yes, girls call cars cute!). Whatever you do, buy the latest, most decked out model you can find. Don’t be cheap! Here are some suggestions to get you started:
Mazda Miatas; girls love these little cars, especially the convertibles. This is a mid-expensive car but should still be easily in your allowance range.
Ford Mustangs; for some reason many girls are drawn to this car. Its classy, one of America’s oldest sports cars (if you’re into American cars) and is a lower end car. But you can dress it up by getting a Mustang GT, or if you really want to impress a girl, buy a Shelby GT, which is of the “muscle” car type.
Mini Coopers; you must admit, these cars are SO cute! Not many people are big fans of these cars, but if your girl happens to like Mini Coopers, she will most likely be a die-hard Mini Cooper fan. There’s really no in between on these cars. They’re more expensive but definitely worth it if your girl likes them.
Ferraris; this is a cool car. They’re Italian made, for one. They’re fast and sleek, two other reasons. The price tag may also impress your girl—these cars can be so expensive it may even take a couple of weeks for saving your pocket allowance!
Pick the car carefully. Good luck! And remember, no matter what cool car you buy, you may not end up catching this girl simply because she doesn’t want to be caught by you. True Love still plays a factor!
Flora

Letter #2—Dear Flora, my hair used to be short, curly, and RED. But as I’ve read the fairy tales, all princes seem to have “long, glossy black locks”—that are STRAIGHT! So I’ve grown my hair out and flat-ironed it every day, but still no princess will even look at me! What did I do wrong?!?
Prince Curly

Answer #2—Dear Curly, why did you change your hair? Silly goose! What do they teach princes these days?
I can’t answer for ALL the fairy-tale princes, but from personal experience, not all of them had long black locks. In fact, even though no one will admit it, the prince that Snow White ended up marrying was the dwarf prince, and he had a horribly kinky red beard and hair.
Girls these days like the “natural” look. According to polls we’ve conducted, yes, girls like the long, shaggy look, but only for guys with naturally straight hair, and NEVER so long that it hits the shoulders. With curly hair, girls generally like short.
So, go short, stay natural—and remember, True Love will happen some day! Don’t rush it!
Flora

Letter #3—Dear Flora, I found a really cool suit of armor in a junk shop, so I bought it and wore it to my first date. The girl just laughed at me, then told me to take it off because I looked silly! I thought girls LIKED it when guys wore armor!
Prince Clunky

Answer #3—Dear Clunky, the junk shop was your first mistake. Don’t be cheap!
As for armor, some girls like it. But, if I’m guessing correctly, you were probably wearing one of those silly tin suits from the 13th century. That’s not the way to go! Very few people in the 13th century even liked those suits. I’d suggest finding some lighter stuff, maybe a breastplate, vambraces, and greaves. And a sword, of course. The sword is an absolutely necessary piece of equipment. Without it, the armor looks incomplete.
Also, it depends on the atmosphere. Remember, modern times do not demand armor everywhere you go, although if you have a few political enemies, a flak vest underneath your shirt might be a wise choice. Anyway, I’d suggest only wearing armor if you’re not going somewhere public, or if you’re going to a medieval feast or festival (though heaven knows why anyone would want to resurrect that messy time). Don’t wear it if you’re just going to a pizza parlor, burger joint, or other casual restaurant. In fact, ask your girl where she’d prefer you to wear it. In fact, maybe even include her in shopping for some. Girls like to shop!
I doubt this will come between you two, even if she did call you silly. If this is True Love (and it better be if you’re going on a date!) then this will eventually become an incident you can laugh at and tell your children and grandchildren.
Flora

Letter #4—Dear Flora, I have so many pairs of tunics and tights in my closet, I don’t have enough room for more clothes! But every girl I’ve ever spoken to says that I look like something from the medieval ages—well, their words precisely are “the Dark Ages”—anyway, I was wondering, is that bad? Because I like the clothing from that time period. Well, I like modern clothing too, but it just seems so much more romantic to me to be wearing the same outfits my forefathers wore when they went courting. What should I do?
Prince Tightly

Answer #4—Dear Tightly, ditch the tights. Men in tights hasn’t been popular since Robin Hood bit the dust. Clear out your closet and start with a new wardrobe. Jeans and t-shirts, a few polo shirts, maybe some khakis, a button down shirt or two, maybe even a nice suit (no obnoxious ties).
And don’t you dare buy any of those “skinny-leg” jeans either—those are almost as bad as tights!
Flora

And that’s all for today! I hope I gave you some insight, and that you enjoyed this segment of the “Ask Flora Advice Column”! Next week, we’ll be looking at another mixed up legend. Keep those questions coming, kids!

~Flora is a retired Fairy Godmother who is a Fairy Assistant of Happy Endings, and currently writes the Council of Fairy Godparents Newsletter and the “Ask Flora: Advice From A Veteran Fairy Godmother” articles in the Fairy Times. She often refutes misunderstandings such as the article above. Flora lives happily at home in her hollow mushroom with her pet snail, Flambeau.

Comments

Lol, this is really funny! I

Lol, this is really funny! I unfortunately don't have any ideas.....

"Remember when 'you play like a girl' use to be an insult?"
-Mia Hamn, American Olympic soccer star.

"Being cool is not acting cool."
-Anonymous

Erin | Thu, 02/05/2009

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Ohmygosh, this is

Ohmygosh, this is hilarious!! I love it!

Just an idea: how about a letter from a modern-day "Rapunzel", asking suggestions for a hair product that will make her hair grow long and be strong enough for her prince to climb it; her hair USED to be quite long, but a failed attempt at climbing it has made it rather short.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Elves and Dragons! Cabbages and potatoes are better for me and you. Don't go getting mixed up in the business of your betters, or you'll land in trouble too big for you." — Hamfast Gamgee (the Gaffer)

Clare Marie | Thu, 02/05/2009

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

oh, lol. Hillarious! Here's

oh, lol. Hillarious! Here's a good one! A princess looking for a good sleeping potion to put herself to sleep for a hundred years!

Sarah | Thu, 02/05/2009

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

Good Grief...

I'm glad I'm not a prince.
Trying to impress girls with expensive cars, kinky hair and whatever clothing the polls dictate -- that would make life way to complicated! I'll just work on getting my desk clean...

James | Fri, 02/06/2009

<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

Dear Flora

Dear Flora,
I am a fairy seeking work. They rejected me at the Society of Fairy Godmothers because my wand is black and white striped and my theme song is a little hardcore. What should I do?
-The Winged Personalizer
*************************************************
He who is near to his Captain is sure to be a target for the archers.
-Amy Carmichael

Anna | Fri, 02/06/2009

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Lol, that was great!!! Now

Lol, that was great!!! Now that I got my computer fixed I can get your great tips.

OK, I love your advice to "Prince Horse Lover"...You know what? That's exactly how I got my princess! She loves me just for my car! Great advice!!! FYI...It's a red Jeep Grand Cherokee with a 5.2 Liter V8...4X4...gold trim...leather interior. Oh, and my princess is pretty cute, too.

Lol...can't wait to read more.
LY
JT

Anonymous | Sat, 02/07/2009

Clare, Sarah, and Anna: LOL!

Clare, Sarah, and Anna: LOL! Thank you girls for your suggestions, I'll address these definitely in upcoming articles!! :0)
James: yes, the common folk often have an easier life. :0)
JT: I have it on good authority that your girl loves you for more than your car! :0D
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The leprechauns made me do it!!

Heather | Sun, 02/08/2009

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And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

Dear Flora, As a prince, I

Dear Flora, As a prince, I am expected to kiss the occasional sleeping beauty or snow white. However, I feel alot of pressure from all these expectations, and I've never kissed a girl before! I'm so nervous that I would try to kiss the sleeping beauty, and the kiss would be so bad she wouldn't wake up and would have to wait for the next prince to come around! What should I do?! - Prince never kissed before

(ps - very cute Heather! :)

Christa | Sun, 02/08/2009

hehe, here's another

hehe, here's another one.

Dear Flora,

I am a young princess that has no suitors. In all the stories the princess has millions! How is one supposed to catch a man in this day and age?
~Puzzled Princess

Sarah | Sun, 02/08/2009

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

Here's another

Here's another one!
Dear Flora,
my name is Cindy. There is this ball coming up, and my fairy god-mother bought shoes that are TWO SIZES too small!! Help!!!
(Ha Ha! Great story Heather! ROTFL(Rolling on the floor laughing!))

Juliette | Tue, 02/24/2009

hahahahahahaha

hahahahahahaha

Sarah Bethany | Tue, 04/07/2009

Prince Curly

Funny! I liked Prince Curly the best...I used to know a guy with red, short, curly hair...and all the girls adored it!

little woman | Fri, 11/19/2010

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

A little more advice: as for

A little more advice: as for cars, a few girls tend to go for old-but-powerful models.  Take an old, fast car, put a 440 engine in it, and I'm already half in love.  :-)

Bridget | Sat, 11/20/2010

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

I am difinitly a black age girl!

I'd love it if men actuelly wore tunics and tites! LOL. But Flora is right, the shagy haired rough look is what I like. Like Arogon in Lord of the Rings! LOL and I'd love a white horse more then a car. And I'd enjoy it terribly if some one dressed in amor for me. But a sword is a must! LOL.

I'm actuelly in a Midieval re-actment, but we're exing out the plaugue and that kind of stuf! I actuelly have a chimese (underdress) made, it was fun to make too! The groups call SCA (Society of Creative Anachronism) Its really fun!

but "To Each, Their Own"

 

Write on,

  

Kassady | Tue, 11/23/2010

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

LOL, Kassady! I would've

LOL, Kassady! I would've loved it to be in a medieval renactment society. I keep telling my husband we have to go to a renaissance festival someday. :0)

Heather | Tue, 11/23/2010

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

Oh! cool!

You should look up SCA (Society of Creative Anachronism) its a world wide midieval renactment society. http://www.sca.org/ I hope the llink works for you!

They have tournaments, and battles, even the woman are aloud to do rapier fighting! And I'm guessing everywhere there's dancing! I love the dancing, its old midieval folk dancing (kind of like the Pride and Prejudice dancing, which is always fun, if your into dancing), its a lot of fun!

 

Write on!

Kassady 

Kassady | Thu, 11/25/2010

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!