Fall Poems - Fourth Installment

A Poem By Madeline // 10/14/2014

Brown Rice

Waist-deep in brown-rice flour
I feel sort of proud of myself
For creating such delicious things
To wake up to the email
In my inbox is a notification
From my kinder-music teacher
Who says she hopes I pursue
A literary career
She likes my writing style
And I'm kind of anxious for Saturday
Both excited and nervous
All the same
But the weekend is beckoning me with
Cozy fall fingers and I
Can't wait to get there
In a couple of days

Nobody Else

That makes me shake my head,
You know
And then I scurry back to double-check myself
Just in case
Just in case
I could have elicited
The same response
But I tell myself as I'm
Clicking through
Making sure that I don't appear
As anything less than an
Imperfect best
An assurance comes over me that I don't
Have anybody to impress
That I don't have to please
Anybody but myself
And neither
Do you

So Pretty

He's so pretty
Sometimes
It kills me
Figuratively
He just looks so happy
Sometimes
In a picture
And I find a smile
Stretching wide
That is mine
It's a kneejerk reaction
An instinct
A response
That I can't slow down
Or stop
But I don't think
That it's wrong
And anyway,
Besides
It's not the same weight
That I used to allow it
To be

Dreading

Stubborn,
By nature
Sometimes I think I handle things
More maturely but
I dunno
I'm a biased
Person
Which by default
Makes me as
At fault

Open Windows

Such a nice admission
Takes me by surprise
I would have never guessed
Not once
The guy we see walk by
With groceries loading down his tread
(He abandoned driving a couple years back
Said he's healthier this way)
Sometimes stops and listens
To the piano as it plays
He asked of her today
Who does that?
And she said
Me
He said it's so refreshing
A nice change from the mundane
Rap people blast
From their car windows
He likes to hear it
He likes my music
And that makes me braver,
Somehow
More willing to play
With open windows
And sing
But I sing!
I said
Horrified
He liked it all the same

Grandeur

When I was younger I was
Romance-repressed
First kisses made me squirm
I felt uncomfortable
Writing them
Even in books that
Necessitated such a sweeping
Display of affection
When I was fourteen I was
Romance-obsessed
Every book had to have it
Testing boundaries
Each plot founding
On the fact that the two
Protagonists were in love
I myself thought
That I possibly was
When I was sixteen I was
Romance-distressed
He'd never love me back!
But at times I let myself go there
Pretending that he could
The short-haired girl in the mirror said
That he definitely should
If we, you know, met
Which would take some strings to pull
That weren't even dangling
In front of me
Yet
And now, at seventeen
I am romanced out
No, never had a boyfriend but
I'm just fine anyhow
I even was sort of surprised to realize
That my books don't center around
A girl finding her love
Nor do my poems; no, not as often
I'm not throwing in the towel
Oh, no
But
I have feminism now
And a confidence adapted
From the fact that I do not
Need validation or their eyes
And I am not so caught
Up
In the whole notion of it all
The flowers and the hearts
The kisses and the lingering hands
It's nice and all
But
Romance
Repressed
Obsessed
Distressed
Meet your new best friend
She's
Unimpressed
And I like this new version of
Me
Much better

Toss and Turn

Reverse insomniac
I could lie awake in my dreams for hours
Mulling over this and that
Picking apart the minute details
Pardoning the acute absence of fact
But every time I slip into that
Starry-eyed, unearthly place
Plotting everything I'll do
Right on down to whom my heart will meet
It doesn't seem so insurmountable
Not nearly the impressive feat
And so I stand at the bottom in wait
Biding my time til the moment I wake

Chance Meeting

Oh, I don't know
It's not that big of an
Issue for me
It's not something I'm grasping at
Trying to claim
I'm much more excited about Halloween
At this point than the chance
We'll run into one another again
That's fine and all, I mean
But it's not nearly what I want right now
Even though it used to be

I'll Admit

I said the other day
That I feel okay
About it now
I'm relieved
I truly am
I just deleted
You from my contacts
If I'm being true
Because I was keeping them
In case you ever
Wrote again
And I was poised for
Responding
But now I'm not waiting for your
Name to pop up
And now I'm not itching
To write you
To tell you something small
And now I don't lean over the screen
Because you don't know I have an iPhone
And now my heart doesn't beat so hard
Erratically
Because
I'm waiting and hoping that there's nothing wrong
That it didn't go
Absolutely wrong
Between us
But it did
And when you said what you said
Back to June
Communicated to
Me
My stomach dropped and I felt
The most unwanted feeling
But, you know, that was when I
Started to pick the pieces up
Started to finally be able to move on
Because I knew you didn't want to
And no matter what she says I know
We would've made good friends although
I can't help feeling like you ran
At the first sign of a conflict
And I can't help allowing you the benefit
Of the doubt in saying that
Yes, I kind of started it
Though it wasn't my intent
Just know
Just know that much at least
Just know that much at least for me
If there's any part of you that misses laughing
Like I do but it's not enough
To send me reeling into a stupor
To make it so incredibly hard to think
I miss you, yes I do
But not nearly like before
It's smaller and more bearable
Since writing this before
Would have reduced me to fumbling pieces
Maybe even tears
But don't be confused
My intention is clear
I've moved on
And within
The year

Where We Are

Ha
Laughing
Fistfuls of popcorn
Singing along
Unable to control our giggles
When it lights right up behind us
With the flashlights of a dozen phones
(and even a couple of lighters)
And I feel like we're the least crazy about them
In the entire room
But it's still fun to pretend we are
It's fun sitting here with you

Comments

THESE ARE INCREDIBLE!!!! I

THESE ARE INCREDIBLE!!!! I loved them all so much, I think definitely one of your beats so far! The whole feeling of all of them put together was so nice, so free and independent, very strong!

Brown Rice was cute, simple and story-ish! It was a good entry poem ;)

I absolutely adored Nobody Else! I read it like three times. I love the way you expresses this, it flowed so nicely and portrayed your feelings in such a way was concise but not blunt. Very well done! Loved it! I also think it's a very relatable poem.

So Pretty made me smile and nod my head. I know who this is about, but it made me think of all the So Pretty's that make me feel that way, and I just kept nodding along. I really liked this one! Very clean. The ending was great, felt almost like a victory.

Dreading was to the point and I liked that, of course not in a blunt way but in your natural and very artistic way of making it read smoothly and poetically while making sense.

Open Windows is a really nice story! I remember you telling me about the guy that walks all the time, and that's so nice that he commented on your playing. I loved the ending most of all though "But I sing" haha, very nice! My his was enjoyable to read.

Grandeur I think is my favorite of the whole set!! OMG! Love!!! So far in all of these poems I've noticed how personal they are, and I love the way you've opened up in your poetry, it's so nice (not saying that non-personal poems aren't) and this one out of all of them impressed me the most! To recognize this in yourself and say "this is me now" is extremely brave and really impressive! Your wording and this sense of "I'm stronger now than I ever was" is invigorating! I loved it, and I loved reading it! Even though you talked about your past self, you did it in a way that was more mocking than really finding fault, it was more like you saying "I've progressed" and not "oh I was so stupid then". I cannot give this poem enough praise! Love it!!!

Toss and Turn made me smile slyly when first reading. I think we have the same brain, seriously! Thought it was funny that we both have Tossing and Turning poems in our new sets. But I absolutely ADORE yours!!! Your wording and imagery is so vivid!!! So in love with this poem, and I love the change... Of enjoying dreams! So love!

Chance Meeting was sweet and strong! Love! And I'm super excited about Halloween!

I'll Admit was a bit more sober, and I think in the beginning kind of threw off your strong vibe of poetry but by the end it turned out to be a different kind of strong and it was very relatable and very, very well done!

Where We Are brought back wonderful memories! Loved, loved this experience, and this poem captures it well!

Kassady | Tue, 10/14/2014

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

THESE ARE SO GOOD. Open

THESE ARE SO GOOD. Open Windows is just wonderful and relatable.
I also strongly identified with I'll Admit. I need to do that too.
Great job!!

Erin | Tue, 10/14/2014

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Aww, Kassady! You had me

Aww, Kassady! You had me smiling so big reading your comment! We DO have the same brain, sometimes. DCS! ;)

Erin--Thanks! Yeah, it took me a while before I was ready to do it. :P It had to feel fully resolved. And when it did, I was like, whoo. Big relief.

Madeline | Tue, 10/14/2014

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

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