Matter Over Mind

A Poem By Madeline // 12/17/2013

His hair was dark he was standing in front of her
Presenting the most divine
Gift in dollar-store tissue paper
His heart

Her hair was light she was standing slightly to the left
Heeled foot poised to run if
The offering was too much too soon
It was

He tried to chase her really he did
Through the night, in their cars, in their minds
He tried to make her see his reason
He couldn't

She tried to outrun him really she tried
But he was too fast so when he held her back
She closed her eyes and pretended not to hear
She didn't

What doesn't make sense is the fact that they
Had joined wrists and were both pulling away
From each other, from the things that days
Brought along with rejoicing and reprieve

Their knees knocked together
Their heads fell in shame
She tried and she tried and she tried
But they were locked

Bones in bones and eyes against eyes
They could look at nothing but each other
No matter how hard they tried

Comments

This was sweet. There were

This was sweet. There were some awkward transitions that could have been cleaned up a bit. Love those last three lines! :)

Erin | Tue, 12/17/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

:)

I love that sort of thing. xD "Not really sure what this means, but here it is..."

Beautiful wording!!!

Favorites:
He tried to make her see his reason
and the way that this
He tried to chase her really he did
works with this
She tried to outrun him really she tried

Anyway, great job! And I just have to say, this is a grow-on-you type of poem...the more I read it, the more I like it! :)

little woman | Wed, 12/18/2013

The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
-G. K. Chesterton

I like the style of this!

I like the style of this!

Sarah Bethany | Wed, 12/18/2013

Thank you girls!

Thank you girls!

Madeline | Wed, 12/18/2013

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Ditto to everyone!

I like the flow of this poem (story-ish thing) even though it's almost like a broken type of flow, if you know what I mean.

"Through the night, in their cars, in their minds"

'In their minds' adds a creepy element to it. Not really, but...anyway.

I really liked the last three stanzas. It reminds me of this song by Brooke Fraser called "Who are we fooling?"

I like how, when you were writing this, you didn't exactly know what it meant. But everyone else, (or, at least me) got something out of it. What it means to the writer may mean something totally different to reader, (in some works, not all) and I like that. It's different.

Maddi | Wed, 12/18/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Love it!

I don't get how the title matches the poem, but *shrugs* hey who cares?
I thought it was brilliant! Definitely a little broken at times with the rhythm, wish I could help to point it out... I liked the story... it was... fascinating! I felt bad for the guy, honestly! With her running away... and him giving her his heart... it was like "What's wrong with you girl?" Haha! But I get it, and I understand of course :P
Very well done :D

Kassady | Sun, 12/22/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

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