Spritz

A Poem By Madeline // 11/26/2016

We used to
Back when the hairs
On our necks stood up
At the touch
Of each other's hands

We used to think we owned this.

So watch me spritz
A new skin
Of perfume
And watch me whiff
Away
Amidst its vapors

At this stage
Waterlogged and drenched,
With pious, half-heart promises
We cannot navigate
This blitz

And it's this point
The rippling edge
The ice beneath our toes so thin
It's
That whim
The threat to shift
That holds us
In hands so stagnant

And the way we
Used to fashion
Picket fences
In our heads
Peonies
Child-rearing
Suburban fantasies--
Faraway
Islands
On surmountable seas--
It's all long-dead

And what's left
The sorry offerings
Are trickled-down
Allegories
On the effect
Of forgetting
To act outside
Your dreams.

And that was all we came to be.

That perfume
was linen
with a hint
so rosy
Woodsy
Deep
It clung
It cloyed
'til I could
Taste it
On my teeth.

Comments

Augh augh augh augh AUGH. I

Augh augh augh augh AUGH. I just died a little with the beauty in this. You threw me up into the air like a golden whizzing Snitch. I can't believe you wrote this in such a short period, too -- what natural grace and talent you have. It also hit me hard because I'm going through similar things right now, but I had that simultaneously comforting feeling of being understood.

THESE LINES!

"Taste it / On my teeth." AUGH. (I don't know why that's my chosen exclamation for this poem. At first I typed "ugh" and realized that would sound like disgust, but "ah" wasn't right, either. It was kind of a moaned exclamation, so I made up my own phonetics.) And calling the scent woodsy.
And throwing "blitz" in there, so long after "spritz" but enough to make the connection and it made my head buzz with word-excitement.
"Pious, half-heart promises" stuck out to me, too, and seemed a perfect summary -- especially the word "pious".
And I FELT the lack of surety here, the tenuous thread -- "And it's this point / The rippling edge / The ice beneath our toes so thin"
The ending is so sharp and poignant. And this paragraph, I have to quote in entirety:

"And the way we
Used to fashion
Picket fences
In our heads
Peonies
Child-rearing
Suburban fantasies--
Faraway
Islands
On surmountable seas--
It's all long-dead"

Faraway / islands -- yes. I feel and understand that all. And I also realized, with a slower reading (I mostly focus on the beauty of your words first), how unique but accurate you are at rhythm. Like in that stanza.
Peonies, child-rearing!

Sarah Bethany | Sun, 11/27/2016

Augh, THANK YOU! You've made

Augh, THANK YOU! You've made my day--sent my spirits soaring! And I totally understand 'augh', haha. Thank you for taking the time to point to specific moments and for the feedback. It's soul-feeding, it truly is! <3 Oh, and as for Gilmore Girls (in regards to your other comment), it MUST be a sign! I wholeheartedly agree! Just get past the first couple of episodes and I guarantee you'll be hooked. And to make it even more special, they just released a revival last Friday with almost all of the cast, after ten years of being off the air! It's truly an incredible show.

Thank you for this comment, so, so much! I often find myself going back to your comments on old posts when I'm in need of writing inspiration. They're always so constructive, and so encouraging!

Madeline | Sun, 11/27/2016

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Okay, I'm watching the first

Okay, I'm watching the first episode right now -- "Boys - don't - like - funny - girls." Hahahaha

And I'm so glad I could give you fuel like that <3

EDIT: Wait, no, there's more! "I'll make cookies. Protestants love oatmeal." I'm slain hahaha. This is a jewel of a show.

Sarah Bethany | Sun, 11/27/2016

Sarah, yay!!!! And I

Sarah, yay!!!! And I know--you're in for a treat! The dialogue is incredibly witty, and you'll fall in love with their quirky town and its characters. There's nothing like watching it for the first time! Keep me updated on what you think, aggghhh!!!

Madeline | Sun, 11/27/2016

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

THIS!

Good grief, this hit home with me on SO MANY different levels. This is beautiful. Thank you.

Damaris Ann | Mon, 11/28/2016

"It is the small temptations which undermine integrity unless we watch and pray and never think them too trivial to be resisted."
-Luisa May Alcott

Oh, Damaris!! Thank you for

Oh, Damaris!! Thank you for saying that. It means so much! <3

Madeline | Mon, 11/28/2016

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

I love this! Hope your first

I love this!
Hope your first semester of college has gone well. :)

Erin | Mon, 11/28/2016

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Erinnnnn! Helloooo! Thank you

Erinnnnn! Helloooo! Thank you so much, and yes, it really has! I've been meaning to message you to say hello and ask how things have been!

Madeline | Tue, 11/29/2016

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

I love this!!!! Wish I had

I love this!!!! Wish I had more to say but I thoroughly enjoyed it. The wording is fabulous. Amazing as always!

Kassady | Sat, 12/31/2016

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Navigation

User login

Please read this before creating a new account.