The Érenyel: Part 2 (The Vale)

Fiction By James // 6/1/2009

Cool evenings and warm mornings followed upon each other. Rayôn and Qeyrah settled in the vale where Áronyeh had created and awoken them, and ruled over the land as their Creator had instructed them. The man and his wife watched the sun and the moon rise on one side of the land, and set on the other side. They named the place where it rose “East,” and the place where it set “West.” They named the North and the South as well. To the North, the land in the valley rose toward a ridge of high hills, and from the North the river flowed down, passing their dwelling and running south.
“Let us go up to those hills,” said Rayôn to his wife. “From there we may see all the valley.” So on Wednesday morning, he took Qeyrah’s hand, and they followed the river upstream, past the waterfall at the edge of their dwelling. Up they went, through field and under wood, until they came to the edge of the hills. There, a giant rock protruded south from the ridge, the height of five men and the breadth of fifty; the river came cascading down from it in a rushing torrent. And there were other waterfalls, and other rivers, which sprung from that rock: three fell and flowed to the east, and three more to the west: seven rivers in all. Rayôn and Qeyrah climbed to the top of the rock, and beheld a great pool there. In its center there rose a pinnacle of diamond, and out of the pinnacle a great fountain shot into the air. Its waters plunged down into the surrounding pool with a roar, and bows of colored light floated in the surrounding mist. This was the first source of the seven great rivers of old, which watered the great southland of the ancient world, the seven great rivers which are still remembered in the songs and lore of men.
The man and his wife lingered there a while, beholding the beauty of the place. “What shall we name it?” Qeyrah asked her husband. Rayôn thought and said, “Let us not name it yet, Qeyrah; we must climb the hills above and look over it all to see where the rivers go. Then, when we return this way, we will name it.” And so they continued climbing. At noon, they came to the top, and looked back to the South. They saw the great pool and the seven rivers, and the valley in which they lived; they also saw that there was not one valley, but seven: to the east were three, and to the west were three, and through each one flowed one of the seven rivers. They looked beyond the valleys as well, and saw that the rivers continued flowing across the land until the earth touched the sky.
“Áronyeh must love seven,” said Qeyrah, “For not only has he made all there is in seven days, but he has also made our home in seven parts: seven valleys, and seven rivers.”
The man and his wife then turned, and looked to the north. And there they beheld the land descending, farther down than the valleys to the South. At the bottom the land stretched out a little, and then met a vast expanse of water, which extended to the edge of the earth. They beheld the sea. Qeyrah gasped in astonishment, but Rayôn’s heart arose within him. “We must go see this thing – waters that have no end to them!” He and Qeyrah went down, and as the evening was approaching they came to the shore. They felt the sand under their feet and the breeze that flowed down from the hills out to the ocean. The water rolled its waves onto the beach; there were birds they had not seen before, and other creatures that scuttled across the sand and amidst the waves.
The sun set, and Rayôn and Qeyrah lay gazing at the heavens. The moon rose in the east; it had been a crescent when they had first beheld it, but it was now nearly full in shape. “One more day,” said Qeyrah. “Then it will be a full circle. And what after that?”
“After that, I think it will wane again,” said Rayôn.
“Why do you think that?” asked Qeyrah.
“I think that the moon does not have a light of its own,” said Rayôn. “The sun is a ball of light, and the moon is also a ball, but not of light. I think it is a ball of something like water, because it reflects the sun’s light, just as the waters in the sea reflect the lights of the heavens.” He pointed to the moonbeam in the ocean, and noted how the moon had moved farther away from the sun in the sky over the last few nights. Qeyrah listened in fascination as he described how the heavens must be working, from what they could see of it.
The man and his wife explored the shore and the sea for another day and night, and then returned to the valley. When they came again to the great fountain and the seven rivers, Rayôn said to Qeyrah, “What would you name this place?”
Qeyrah thought and said, “Shêvannah, for here the seven rivers find their source.”
“That is good,” said Rayôn. “I would name this place Shêvannah as well.” And hand in hand, Rayôn and Qeyrah went down the hill and followed the South River back to their home in the vale.

Comments

I woke up this morning, and

I woke up this morning, and I said to myself, "It's June now. James is gonna post more of The Erenyel soon... I hope today."
And then here I was, sitting bored out of my mind watching math problems I'd missed being worked out on a screen... and was naughtily checking AP and you've posted. :)

This part is so neat. :) It's interesting to think about, what it would be like to see these things for the first time, not having heard about them/seen them as you grew up and them being normal. Qeyrah and Rayon's fascination with the simple things is really thought-provoking in an odd way... and it brings us back to the order that God has placed in creation.
I love the thing about "7" too. I love numbers (though I dislike math, however that works), and finding patterns and connections with things.

-----
“The venerable dead are waiting in my library to entertain me and relieve me from the nonsense of surviving mortals.”
- Samuel Davies

Kyleigh | Mon, 06/01/2009

Glad you liked it!

I posted it as quickly as I could... about 11:15pm here in Oregon. I was in a hurry, because I had only 45 minutes before June, and perhaps even less if the internet went down for the night. I added the side content immediately afterward. I'm not really satisfied with this section yet, but I had no more time to work on it. Let me know if you can think of anyway I can improve it. *YAWN* It's now 11:31pm, and time for me to go to bed. (Ahem! And time for you to focus on those math problems you've missed.)
<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"Moderation is fine, if it's not carried to extremes." -- Thomas Sowell

James | Mon, 06/01/2009

<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

I actually thought you'd

I actually thought you'd already posted in May, so was just waiting for June... April and May just kinda meshed together with the busyness of school, recitals, orchestra...
I DID go and finish math, and half of them weren't wrong, they were just wrong in the answer key but on the CD where they were worked out, I was right... Technically I could put up a fight and say I'm done, 'cuz the last chapter in my pre-calculus book is calculus, so it's no longer pre-calculus... :P Oh well. No math next year...

Anyways - I can't really think of any way you could improve it - it's so good! It does seem a bit like "It happened." If you know what I mean... as in there could be more conversation and action instead of just "They did this."
I know I have a lot of trouble with that sort of thing, and it may just be the way you're wanting this to be, but that's just my 2 fils.
And now I need to be a good girl and get off of the computer to practice oboe...

-----
“The venerable dead are waiting in my library to entertain me and relieve me from the nonsense of surviving mortals.”
- Samuel Davies

Kyleigh | Mon, 06/01/2009

Yipee!

I was naughtily checking during 8th hour...and YES! But I had to work and I have finals, so my full comments will have to wait..
---
The Word is alive/and it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless/and afraid...

~"The Word is Alive' by Casting Crowns

May my words be a light that guides others to the True Light and Word.

Julie | Mon, 06/01/2009

Formerly Kestrel

This is so good. I agree

This is so good. I agree with Kyleigh; It could use a bit more dialog but other than that it's great. This bit is really good. The whole "seven" thing is a wonderful idea. How far are you going to go with this? I mean are you just doing Genesis or......?

"Here are the beauties which pierce like swords or burn like cold iron." C.S.Lewis

airlia | Tue, 06/02/2009

"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God such men lived."
General George S. Patton

It's starting very slow and

It's starting very slow and peaceful, which I like...too many authors nowadays think they literally have to start with a car blowing up...or a sword clashing, I guess would be more appropriate...
I wouldn't change a thing. I really like this as it is.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

Heather | Tue, 06/02/2009

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

No more until September?

No more until September? What a sad prospect. Though I guess I'm not one to talk...
I wouldn't change this, either. Like Kyleigh said, their fascination with everything is wonderful.
*************************************************
"In retrospect, I question the inclusion of a self-destruct button." ~Ferb (Phineas and Ferb)

Anna | Tue, 06/02/2009

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

I can picture them climbing

I can picture them climbing hills and seeing all the wonders of the world. I love what they named the place. Does it have a meaning?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I've never seen a purple cow,
I never hope to see one.
But I can tell you anyhow;
I'd rather see than be one.

Sarah | Tue, 06/02/2009

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

Starting pace

Well, the opening part of a story gives an example of the story's flavor...so slow is good here.
I give this story
Seven
Seven
Seven
Seven
Seven
Seven
Seven

There, seven sevens, the number of perfection--

---
The Word is alive/and it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless/and afraid...

~"The Word is Alive' by Casting Crowns

May my words be a light that guides others to the True Light and Word.

Julie | Tue, 06/02/2009

Formerly Kestrel

Thanks y'all

Kyleigh: Yes, it's a bit like "it happened;" I'm struggling a bit, because I'm trying to make it read as if it were written by someone (namely Érenyel) in a different time, place, and culture (and world!). I didn't want his style to seem to much like how we're used to reading novels. At the same time though, I felt like I was cutting Rayôn short when he was talking about the moon. But then again, his explanation of his theory for why the moon goes through phases could become long and awkward. Whatever the case, I do think more dialogue would be good.
Arlia: I'm going to go quite far with it. Technically, I'm not "doing Genesis," though it seems a lot like it. It's a completely different world with a completely different history, but the beginning of its history is at first very much the same as ours.
Heather: Yes, I agree; things tend to move to quickly in our modern culture. But the "bang" has to happen eventually. I'm still foggy on its details, though...
Anna: No, you're not one to talk. (You usually do anyway, though...)
Sarah: Yes, it does have a meaning. Nothing to profound. In most cases, you can get an idea of the meaning by the context, even if you don't know the language. For example, Shêvannah means "Seven-source" (Shêv = seven, Annáh = source). Also, Qeyrah is the feminine version of Qeyer, meaning "completion" or "that which completes."
Kestrel: Why, thank you.

<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"Moderation is fine, if it's not carried to extremes." -- Thomas Sowell

James | Fri, 06/05/2009

<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

This is true...

I'd actually forgotten this part was being written down, and not actually happening. In that case, it is more like "It happened." :P I think the part with the moon is perfect right now. :) I love it.
This is incredible the way it is...

That makes sense now... "shev" as seven... seven is "seba'a" (as well as you can transliterate Arabic... it's hard) in Arabic.
*sigh* I'm longing to graduate, because once I do I'll have time to put another language on top of French and Arabic... I wanted to take Hebrew this year through Potter's School but it's going to have to wait because of all of the other schoolwork I have and because I don't want to lose French and Arabic.
*sigh*

-----
“The venerable dead are waiting in my library to entertain me and relieve me from the nonsense of surviving mortals.”
- Samuel Davies

Kyleigh | Sat, 06/06/2009

This story is so good!! I'm

This story is so good!! I'm sad that it will be a while before the next section is posted. Keep up the amazing work!! :)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If I disappear, and you cannot find me, please don't worry.
Just be sure to check all the wardrobes.

Clare Marie | Sun, 06/07/2009

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]

Well thanks. I am getting

Well thanks. I am getting around to posting DitH soon, you do realize.
*************************************************
"In retrospect, I question the inclusion of a self-destruct button." ~Ferb (Phineas and Ferb)

Anna | Mon, 06/08/2009

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

You promised to write me an

You promised to write me an epic poem, James.

Anna | Tue, 08/25/2009

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Oh, yes...

So I did.  Hmmm.  I guess I'd better start working on that...

James | Wed, 08/26/2009

<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle

Oh my

James, you're still alive! I don't believe it. And does that mean the Erenyel will move out of the valley sometime?

Julie | Wed, 08/26/2009

Formerly Kestrel