God saw it was good...

An Essay By Jenny // 9/21/2007

It has been years since my guitar was put to use. I have fiddled with it, and I use it fairly regularly in my own quiet times, but I have not had the chance to play for others in a very long time. All of sudden that changed. I went to a prayer/worship meeting a few weeks ago (had a wonderful time) and enjoyed the worship even though the only music available was from a cd. Well, somehow in the course of the following week my husband mentioned to someone from the group that I used to lead worship with my guitar. The response was immediate, and I played for the first time last Monday night. I felt that it was choppy and "all wrong" since I didn't even have all the music for the songs we were going to sing, and I only ran through the ones I had once - about 15 minutes before we began. :) As a musician, and someone who has always loved worship, I didn't feel like it went well - but I was thankful for the opportunity to be of use to God in this small way... I was shocked when I was repeatedly thanked that night, and through emails since - apparently they haven't had any musical background for their worship in about 15 years! They were extremely grateful, and seemed to really enjoy it.

It is strange how sometimes when we don't think we are doing well we can actually be answering someone's prayer. Sometimes little things mean a lot - and some things have lasting consequences that we don't realize at the time. Looking back on my life, the times that stand out as the most memorable are often the ones that I "took for granted" while they were happening. Some memories are so strong I find myself lost in them - reliving them to chase away loneliness or find encouragement when times are hard. There are some nights, when life has been particularly difficult, that I spend the entire night reliving moments from my childhood or teenage years. I am so thankful my youth was spent wisely, and that it has given me memories to draw strength from when I need it - it is wonderful to know that I have been happy before, so I am capable of it, and it is something I can have again. While my adult life has been more than "bumpy" - I am able to look back on things God has done in my life, and people who have loved me, and I know that life is good - hard at times, but good. But life doesn't have to be easy to be good - every life has struggles in one way or another - that is part of being alive. Life's goodness has nothing to do with how my life is going or what I am doing, it springs from the very fact that being alive is good - being on this spinning orb, circling the sun as the seasons change - existence itself is a wonderful thing. To be able to know the "good" that we have, and to share it all with others - this is the privilege of being human. We are all connected in our very "living-ness" - our "being alive" - we all breathe, eat, grow --- and it is good.

The gift of memory and the mind is a wonderful thing - to be able to look back over the past and see the "goodness" we have known - this is the gift that allows us to make sense of it all, and to look for that meaning in the first place. Where would we be if we could never learn from our mistakes, or remember how we did the right thing? I am glad that even small things can be memorable... even the small things I have to give others in this life can be meaningful - even when I don't "feel" like what I do matters. So I will go on playing my guitar for this small prayer group, and I will be open to learning all God may want to teach me there -- perhaps I will be more regularly reminded how good it is to be alive.