For the next week to come,
And I write this more,
To hold myself accountable,
To shake off the laziness,
Clinging to my bones,
That comes with the changing of seasons,
The cold changing my mind,
Making my goals seem less inviting,
Somehow draining the inspiration out of me.
Wish there was someone,
To help keep me awake,
To call me in the morning,
Talk with me until the morning fog lifts,
Until I become human again.
I wish there were someway to ensure,
Waking up like this,
Every morning, but there really isn't.
I'm not sure how to take this,
This friendship that's blossomed through distance,
Not sure if I should be concerned,
With falling into a habit,
But your timing can be unpredictable,
So I guess I shouldn't worry.
Maybe instead I should be nervous,
At how close you were today,
To my heart,
Just missed the question by a hairs breadth,
And would I be comfortable?
Showing that kind of emotion,
Revealing that side of me,
When I know you think little of human feelings,
Like I would disregard the news,
With disdain and disgust,
Would you think less of me,
If I had told you that experience?
The instance where I lost control,
The memory bringing a pink to my cheeks,
Flickering of guilt but also pride,
At the way I jumped into romance then,
Without a thought.
You probably wouldn't find it to be a big deal,
Probably wouldn't impress or cause a reaction,
What if you thought less of me,
For being a slave to my emotions?
Maybe I should be concerned,
At how I want to please you,
Say witty things to impress you,
To seem smarter than I really am.
Why am I always combatting,
When I know you'll win?
It makes me smile,
The friendly back and forth,
You seem a lot smarter than you are,
Proving points with "facts".
I don't know,
Maybe I should be worried about how,
You kind of make me feel stupid,
Maybe this isn't healthy,
But goodness it's just so fun,
And maybe I need the balance,
To keep my head from inflating too much,
With all the compliments and love from everyone else.
Sometimes I just wish you could be nice,
Say something to build me up,
But I can just see you arguing,
Telling me I don't need that,
I don't need confirmation if I'm confident in myself.
Maybe I should be concerned,
That I'm not as confident as I thought,
And I'm just weak,
Strong in my way of seeing my weaknesses.
Kissing A Friend
Was it a dream,
Or was I awake?
Was it my subconscious,
Or my waking wishfulness?
Either way makes me uncomfortable,
Yet it would be comforting,
To know it was just a dream,
Hate to think,
That I might daydream of your lips on mine,
When our friendship has been my only accomplishment,
My only victory over my emotions,
Don't know which to think about,
Don't know what to do,
Don't know what to think,
All I know is I'm looking forward,
Yet glancing behind,
Smiling at my memories,
I hope this new year of life,
Will be full,
Will be new and exciting,
I hope there's love and laughter,
I hope it's good and interesting,
But most of all,
I hope there are dreams come true.
You never know,
How loved you really,
I'm blown away,
Heart crying sweetly,
For all the words,
I love you!
I am so blessed,