Anxiety~ Street Music (RP 15)

A Poem By Kassady // 6/21/2014

Anxiety
Anxiety keeps my blood warm,
My feet ice cold.
Waiting in worried silence,
And nervously laughing,
At my pathetic behavior.
I shouldn't be this tight,
Every muscle tense with impatience,
Every breath restrained,
Against a constricted chest.

Too Far
The distance between us,
Land and sea,
Is emblematic of how I feel,
Stretched out,
Thinning,
Flattening,
So far from you,
Separated by miles and air,
Too far from you.

Every Fiber
It's funny to think,
That I've lived before without knowing,
This pathetic feeling of loneliness,
Not knowing how it feels to miss someone,
With every fiber of my body.

Guy Friend
You should be my friend,
But now I feel like you're just hiding,
Now I feel like I've offended you,
Without really knowing what I've done.
Why is it,
That I turn to you when I'm lonely,
When I need someone to talk to,
To argue with and to laugh at?
You've been there,
Whether you know it or not,
For when I've needed a friend the most,
For when I needed to talk,
About anything but my feelings!
Busy or not,
You've put up with me.
You've let me push you and pull you,
Taunt you and flaunt myself.
You've argued and laughed,
Even let me call you a smart ***.
I need to talk to you,
But I don't want you to be the one I turn to,
Just when I'm lonely,
I want you to be needed,
For more than my personal lonely heart comforter,
For more than my mental punching bag,
Just honest friendship.
I want to treat you like a person,
Think of you as a person,
Turn to you as a person,
Not as a tool I can use for my own benefit,
Not as my back up guy friend,
When my boyfriend is away.

Thursday
One doesn't realize ones feelings,
Towards a certain thing or someone,
Until that feeling is gone,
Or that someone is missing,
And I miss that feeling immensely.

Miss You
Your lips tease and haunt me,
Driving me to miss you more,
Driving me to insanity,
An insatiable desire for your touch,
For your eyes,
For your presence.
I can feel the ghost of you,
Right outside my reach.
I lunge forward to grab at wisps of memory,
Returning only with a chest full of loneliness.

Sweet Dreams
Now I lie,
Down so to dream,
Hoping wistfully,
For something a bit more...
Ordinary.

Fan
She stares off dreamily into space,
The empty room filled with his voice.
Beneath her lidded eyes he smiles,
His sparkling eyes laughing at her heart,
Not knowing her pain and her longing,
Not caring a hair about her sanity,
Which she constantly questions.
She snaps back into reality,
Guiltily laughing and shaking her head,
At her "stupid" daydreams,
While I just smile and see normality,
In her supposed insanity.

Street Music
Music drifts in through the open window,
The neighbor's music filling the street,
Lively horns and Accordions.
It makes me smile,
Each word incomprehensible,
Or at least to I,
The uncultured side of the street.

Comments

I really liked these,

I really liked these, especially that last one. :)

Erin | Sun, 06/22/2014

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Thanks :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment!!!

Kassady | Mon, 06/23/2014

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Comment time! Anxiety: Nice

Comment time!

Anxiety: Nice word choice here. It was really easy to imagine the feeling.

Too Far: I looooove "emblematic" here. Seriously. <3 <3 <3 I think maybe the "stretched out thinning flattening" could use some reworking. When different words come in succession like that, I find they loose some of their impact (unless you're using repetition) and they all kind of blur together until the intent is missed. That could just be me, though. A suggestion would be:

Stretched out,
So far from you,
Flattening,
Separated by miles and air,
Thinning,
Too far from you.

Or some other form of rearrangement.

I hope that's somewhat helpful!

Every Fiber: Ooh, I really like this. Especially these lines:

It's funny to think
That I've lived before without knowing,
This pathetic feeling of loneliness

My only critique would be the end. The traditional phrase is "every fiber of my being" so "every fiber of my body" has less luster for me, personally. I don't know if you meant "being" or "body", but just in case, wanted to add that. :)

Guy Friend: I love the topic and the message, but I thought this lacked a distinctive rhythm. Removal of some words and switching others so that they rhyme (not all, just a few here-and-there, which you already have some of) would help this tremendously. Here's an example of some tweaking which really needs further tweaking. Haha. Hope you don't mind:

You should be my friend,
I feel like you're hiding,
I feel like I've offended you,
Without knowing what I've done.
Why is it that I turn to
You when I'm lonely,
When I need someone to talk to,
To argue with and laugh at?
You've been there whether you know it or not,
When I've needed a friend the most,
When I needed to talk,
About anything but my feelings!
Busy or not,
You've put up with me.
You've let me push you and pull you,
Taunt you and
Flaunt myself.
You've argued and laughed,
Let me call you a smart ***.
I need to talk to you,
But I don't want you to be the one I turn to,
Just when I'm lonely,
I want you to be needed,
For more than my personal
Lonely heart comforter,
For more than my mental
punching bag,
Just honest friendship.
I want to treat you like a person,
Think of you as a person,
Turn to you as a person,
(could insert a line along the lines of: I'm well aware you're worth it
Not a tool I can use for my own benefit,
Not as my (trustworthy or other three-syllable word) back-up guy friend,
When my
Boyfriend
Is away.

Thursday: I like this. There was a bit of a disconnect for me, since it was a bit vague due to the use of the pronouns, but I liked it.

Miss You: I really love all of this. The feeling of longing comes across crystal clearly, and I just love all the images--the grasping at wisps line and the word insatiable. This was a lovely and flowy poem. Well done.

Sweet Dreams: ahahhaa. You need to write a fiction post on here with nothing but your dreams.

Fan: heh heh heh heh *cough*thiskindofsortofresonateswithmeabunch*cough*. ANYWAY...*clears throat* This was a nice good old poem. What was it about? *cough*

Actually, this was probably my favorite of the whole set. :P No joke. The rhythm was fantastic, the rhyming on target, and really the whole message was nice. I connected with the poem, I've read it several times, and basically it's REALLY GOOD SO THERE.

Street Music: LOVE. JUST LOVE. The last line in particular was fantastic.

Great job, Kass!! Sorry for long comment. Which you'll (probably???) like. Love ya! <3 <3 <3

Your DCS! :)

Madeline | Wed, 06/25/2014

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

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