Birdwatcher

A Poem By Kassady // 8/1/2016

Black breasted bird flies faster
Than the rose winged finch,
The latter not fit for fighting,
Both unaware of my curious watch,
My cataloging of colors kept secret.
Birds of a feather fly together
But I do not know how to fly that high
Or how to busy myself with the sky
When the urgency of lying keeps me in my coup,
A restless birdwatcher just waiting.

Comments

Lovely! These are going to

Lovely! These are going to have to be a little booklet before it's over!!!

Madeline | Tue, 08/02/2016

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

I like this a lot! Very cute.

I like this a lot! Very cute. Here are a couple of spots that could be strengthened:

"The little fighting none" --I read this over several times and wasn't sure what it meant. I could just be missing something, of course haha.

"But I know not how to fly that high" --I would change that to "But I do not know how..." However, that is an entirely personal choice. Personally, I am not a big fan of the antiquated sound that "know not" provides. But if that's what you're going for, I understand. :)

I really enjoyed this! What a fun poem. :)

Erin | Fri, 08/05/2016

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Erin- Thank you so much for

Erin- Thank you so much for your lovely comment and I really appreciate your critiques! I will try to keep the rythme and change the things you've mentioned, because I agree! I want my reader to not have to struggle with lines in order to get a clear image!
I'm personally a fan of "know not" for it seems to feel more "medieval/Renaissance"-ish to me, but if it's blunt and doesn't flow then I agree! It should be changed ;)
Thank you again for your comment!! Hope you're doing well!!!

Homey-
Awww, I know right? Thanks for reading!!

Kassady | Sat, 08/06/2016

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

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