Christmas Tree~Status Update (41)
My face matches the lights,
The smell of fresh fir tree filling the room,
The room is lit by smiles and twinkle lights.
Red ribbon streaming down,
Angel watching from above,
With so delicate a face.
Excitement from head to toe,
Gravity seems to have taken a break,
As I bounce about merrily,
Joyfully humming a jolly tune,
And enjoying the feeling of Christmas.
Bouts of Loneliness
Don't know if it's,
All of a sudden,
Or creeps in,
Either way these bouts of loneliness,
Got me groveling,
Aching for company.
But what can I do when family makes it worse,
When small talk with friends just bores me,
And I feel helplessly stuck,
Not wanting anyone,
But wanting someone to keep me company.
Maybe it's a strangers company I desire?
Or maybe my best friends?
Possibly someone in between,
Maybe I'm just tired and needing sleep.
I just wish I could be content,
I know I am blessed!
Truly I do,
I just can't get over,
This yearning for someone's company,
Outside of family,
And outside of everyday friends.
Why does it have to be this cycle?
Winter came last year with sorrow,
Spring regeneration and hope,
Summer excitement and love,
Fall brought endings along with friendship,
Now that winter has come again,
Instead of moving on,
I feel like my emotions traveled back in time,
Completely out of control,
Thoughts following the same path as before,
You, the main pinnacle of my mental attention.
Fighting as hard as I can,
To beat myself at the game,
Your name, your face, your being,
Had got my brain fizzing hopelessly.
Kicking and screaming,
If I'm drawn back down the rabbit hole,
It won't be without a fight,
I'll hold onto logic and self-respect as long,
As humanly, emotionally, possible.
I think I get the point,
As the same key words pop up,
Yet again in the forefront of my mind.
First I was the one to give the advice,
Though I never had any intention in following it,
But now that's it's everywhere,
I don't know what to do,
All I know is what's through is through,
And no matter how much truth I spill,
How many secrets and feelings for you I share,
It's not going to matter,
It never did,
And never will.
I don't know what it is,
That sets my teeth on edge,
All day long I've felt like a hermit,
Not wanting any social interaction.
Other human beings are so tiring,
My head aching from the noise,
The chaos that is the people I live with.
Peace and quiet,
Ha! Sounds like a miracle,
Impossible in what continues to be craziness.
I am so grateful,
For each and everyone under this roof,
But sometimes I just wish,
They could be quiet.
Sometimes I wonder,
If it is I you write of,
But then again,
You have so much drama in your life,
How could it be, darling?
I'm no longer in your life,
If I ever really was more than five percent,
How should I know who you write of?
How am I to know what lovers you might be stringing,
Or might have you strung.
How does it feel for a change,
You're in my shoes,
Like I was somewhat in yours,
While you pine,
I look back at my past summer,
His devotion and my whimsical heart,
Free as a bird,
As noncommittal as you were.
I guess we all have our turn at being the pawn,
At being the player,
At being played,
Or with the deciding hand,
We all end up getting a turn at playing the game,
This game we all call romance,
Or maybe it's infatuation.