The End~ Being Yours (26)
It slowly crawls upon me,
Like the tide coming in,
Sorrow envelopes my heart,
As tears start to spring to my eyes,
The end has come and it's over,
Friendship lingering in the far distance.
Things we have said cannot be unsaid,
And shouldn't be by any means.
The wave of loneliness will pass,
The heart ache and fake smiles disappear,
My heart will mend,
Probably faster than fair,
And I'll find someone new,
After I've fallen in love with myself again.
Is it wrong,
This smile on my face?
Shouldn't I be crying,
Or shouldn't I feel remorse?
Shouldn't I feel lonely,
Is there something wrong in my head?
I've shared so much,
Maybe not all my heart,
But I've given you half.
All I feel after so long of caring,
Is a huge relief,
Weights off my chest,
Though I'm anxious to see,
If when it all sinks in,
I'll be a wreck.
Waiting for the Punch
I keep waiting for the punch,
But my gut stays loose,
Maybe it's just the quiet before the storm,
But this could possibly be,
The easiest break-up ever.
You know what it is?
I've broken up with you so many times,
Alone planning it in my head.
I've cried and I've wept,
Dreading the day,
When I have to break your heart.
Thing is I've already broken my heart,
So I've already healed half way,
And now all I have to do,
Is get over the memory of,
The pain on your sweet face.
I'm sorry I couldn't stop you,
From making unrealistic daydreams,
Ingraining me in your future,
And making you believe you could hold me.
I should have seen the signs,
Stopped you from the root,
Stopped you before it grew,
Into something painful to take out.
I guess you were being serious,
When you said you wouldn't let me go,
Thought it was just romantic,
And not your way of control.
So completely different,
There is no way our futures intertwine.
Now the past is just a memory,
Because it was never meant to last,
Despite the dream you had,
Of me being your forever.
I hope you find her,
The girl you wanted me to be,
I hope she loves you,
The way I wanted to,
I hope you love her,
More than you said you loved me.
I hope she challenges you,
Cares for you,
Laughs with you,
Smiles at you,
Tells you how amazing you are.
I hope you are as good to her,
As you were good to me.
I hope she's the best,
The best for you,
And I hope she feels the same,
When you tell her you love her.
Dreams of you linger,
Right outside my reach,
Can't remember anything that happens,
All I know is I've got a new ghost,
You're destined to haunt me,
From now on.
My hands shook,
I stared at you as you stared at me,
And then I couldn't meet your eyes.
My heart kept sinking deeper into my chest,
As the tension in the air,
And the pain in your eyes,
Whispered the beginning of the end.
I mustered my courage,
Feeling the words sit on my tongue,
Everything in me trembling,
But you opened your mouth first,
Relieving me of the responsibility.
"We need to talk about us,"
I paused and nodded,
Uttering my agreement in a jumble,
And then waited for you to continue.
The silence rumbled on,
And I opened my mouth only to close it.
You confessed inability to start,
Not sure where,
Not sure how.
"Maybe you could start in the middle,"
I said and smiled at you kindly,
Not sure where to start either.
There is no easy way out,
Despite your attempts,
"I don't know,"
"I don't know."
I was clueless as to how to aid you,
Thankfully you didn't need help.
"Do you see a future with me?"
The question hit me hard,
Squirming I shook my head slowly,
"No," I practically whispered
Doing my best to hide my discomfort,
Behind my regular fake smile.
As if I were a babe,
Just having learned to speak my mind,
I rambled freely,
Tongue stumbling with the speed of words spilling,
Expressing my plans for the future,
And explaining why I am incapable,
Indeed, repulsed, of planning family life.
My future sits like a daydream of early dawn,
Beautiful, free, and untouched by mans hand.
The fact that you set out
To create your family now at seventeen,
Confuses me beyond measure,
Unsure how to take the fact,
That you'd want to be with me forever.
Escaped my lips frequently,
Despite my resolve to not apologize,
But I played with your heart,
But manipulated you all the same.
I couldn't stop laughing at your last thing to say,
Couldn't stop smiling at you,
Hoping you'd smile too,
Because "I do care about you, a lot,"
And I never wanted to hurt you,
Never wanted to see your pained face,
Never wanted to break apart your dreams,
Never wanted to play with you,
Only to break your heart in the end.
My hands stopped shaking,
You forced a smile,
I felt relieved,
And we said goodnight one last time,
I cherish every moment,
Every second I spent with you.
Every smile that lit your face,
Every awkward silence,
That you sat staring while I blushed.
Every kiss that made my heart sing,
Every little detail of our day.
The ups the downs,
The breathless conversations,
The loud silly ones too.
The times I was wrong,
The times you were less right,
The instances of craziness.
Running here and there,
Your face in the palm of my hand.
When you tickled my feet,
When you swept me off of them too.
That moment you tried to be cool,
The time you were my hero,
And every single time you called me "beautiful."
Even when you called me crazy,
Every thing you teased me for,
Even when you scared me,
Every word and action of stupidity.
Your every apology,
Your every frown,
Your every defense,
Your every sigh,
Your every tension filled silence.
The minutes we spent driving in your car,
The countless country songs,
The stupid videos you shared.
When you held my hand,
When you held me tight,
When you led me.
Every hair on your face,
Every line on your hands,
Every moment you made me giggle,
Every romantic thing you said,
When you never wanted to let me go.
When we argued and bickered,
Over stupid silly stuff,
When the color of the paint was blue.
When you left your sunglasses at my house,
And my kryptonite was your kiss.
When your cards made me laugh,
Win and fake the hiccups.
Everything we did,
Everything we didn't,
I'm just glad I can say,
I've shared a bit of my life with you,
And I had fun being yours.