Sheepish Skirting Syndrome~ Winter Weight (38)
Sheepish Skirting Syndrome
Sometimes I wanna be,
That girl again,
I wanna see if it might work out,
Maybe this time.
Some nights it's hard to fight,
Hard to revert to other thoughts,
To ones that wouldn't compromise my heart.
Some how I must not have learned,
Which seems ridiculous considering,
The pain I've gone through to learn,
How to guard my heart.
Is it so impossible,
To hold the key that protects my mind?
Is it unfair to ask of myself,
To just keep calm and be happy?
Maybe it's the fact,
That this time you've begun,
Maybe it's the fact,
That I've never had good self-restrain,
When it comes to what might be love.
Something keeps breaking,
In the self-control department,
Something keeps defeating my attempts at friendship,
And maybe it's you?
Maybe talking to you is a bad idea,
Bad luck, bad for me.
All I know is I just can't,
Cannot do this again,
This twisted sheepish skirting around,
The guessing, the daydreaming,
The useless pathetic pining away,
For someone who is just lonely,
Who keeps talking because he has no one else,
No one else to talk to.
I have lots of friends,
Who I can turn to when in need,
So I don't need him to fuel my romanticism,
I'm just fine with random strangers.
Maybe it's okay to go without writing,
A pathetic poem per week,
Maybe it's okay to write of sunshine,
I wonder if I can go a week,
Without thinking of something melancholy?
Wonder if I can go a week without,
Thinking of someone,
Of possible romances.
Maybe instead I should focus on my future,
What I'm gonna do,
What I'm gonna be,
But why should I?
When it doesn't make me happy.
Then again, they tell me,
Life isn't rainbows and butterflies,
It's full of hard decisions,
I'll have to make them someday.
Another's Elf Ears
The love of my life,
Will be jealous,
But not possessively so.
"Hey baby come to me"
"Hey baby look at me,"
But do they really know what they want?
I'm so mixed,
If they are happy then I have no place,
To hold judgment against them,
I just have issues believing,
That anyone can be truly happy,
Feel truly beautiful in that position,
Giving away so much outside,
Is the inside even tended to?
It's ridiculous but,
When I saw that they were all gone,
My eyes started to sting,
As I realized I couldn't see your face,
Sometimes I'm still worried,
That you'll hurt yourself,
-and not accidentally.
Sometimes I'm worried you'll go over the edge,
And no one will be able to help you.
Sometimes I'm worried despite this mask of friendship,
That old habits will sink back in,
They'll take over and you'll be my weakness,
It's not the warmth of summer for me,
The heat wave,
That makes other people go crazy,
And fall in a tizzy,
The chill seeping in my bones,
Cooping me up inside,
Pathetic and lonely,
Just clawing at the bit,
Missing the warmth of a someone's hand,
The heat from a kiss.
This cold will make me go crazy,
Turn every friend into a possibility,
My imagination will go wild,
Little gestures of kindness,
Interpreted as flirtation,
Little comments of expression,
Translated into desperate attempts to tell me,
That they are madly in love with me.
I wish I could smack myself,
Slap sense into me.
I don't need any company,
I just need to be happy with myself,
Find confidence in myself,
And try not to fuss about gaining winter weight,
Get over it girl!