Sneaking 102- How to: Get away with Halloween candy
Getting Away With Halloween Candy
Course 2: Sneaking, Guilt, Chocolate, Sweets, Chocolate, Hidingplaces, Chocolate.
("Test of stealy conscience" Edition)
Some time's we find ourselves at the bottom of our Halloween Candy store. Nothing left but the candy that you dislike that you just couldn't trade away. All around you others enjoy their candy. You can't help but wonder what you did wrong to deserve this cruel fate.
But don't give up hope yet!
In this course you will find the way to never run dry on snickers or milky-ways. If you have already taken the first course Sneaking 101- How to: sneak chocolate from under your siblings noses. You will now how to master this lesson without fail.
First step is to clear your mind!
Have you done so? You have!?...Already! Well...okay!
You know this is wrong! Deep down in your heart, you know that taking away the two year old's stash of sweets is wrong... yes! You will feel guilty, trust me! But before you stop this course... let me ask you.... Starburst's? Or happy kid? Milky-way full of nougat and caramel and chocolate that calls out your name? Or trusting siblings? Delicious chocolate eyeballs full of caramel that melt in your mouth sending sweet messages to your brain? Or Cleaner you? Dreamy homemade fudge pieces that sing their own glory, melting in your mouth, making your mouth water at the very thought? Or... oh what are we kidding! Candy is so much better then a non-guilty you!
Finding the goody bag:
Siblings find the oddest places for their candy! If of course its not in the cabinet where mom hid them for only once a day candy giving.
If its not in the cupboard where you already know where all the sweets are hidden, then they will probably be in the following:
In underwear drawer (beware!).
Inside their chest-of-drawers.
Behind big objects: Laundry baskets, desks, shelves drawers, boxes, hats, shoes.
(Rule to finding: Look under, behind and inside!)
Choosing their candy:
Don't take anything big! If they have a lot of one kind, go for them! If your sibling counts his/her stash... well beware their candy bags!
Also, pick the sibling who has the most! Or wont notice a difference in a small decrease of sweets, they'll only think its themselves!
Don't even dare touching the half eaten candies! They will remember them and wonder where they went!
When they notice:
Unlike with parents and chocolate, if siblings suspect you, they will hold a grudge for a long time!
If they ask you (especially if you have a history), don't tell them the truth, until they really know its you! Try worming your way out of there! It can be easy, practice makes perfect! Try it with little matters that don't mean much, like taking your sisters gum or something.
Practice run: I will ask you a question from a siblings point of view, you will answer.
"My twentieth snicker bar was missing... I wonder where it went, do you know?"
(your answer, should be something like:) “Have you looked around your bag? Maybe it fell out?"
"Yes, I have! But it wasn't anywhere!"
(you should say something like:) "Maybe some one mistook it for theirs, and put it in their bag... or ate it!"
"Maybe... Did you eat it?"
(Now start panicking! But chill! Your answer should worm your way out, for example:) "Why would I want to eat your candy!"
"Oh...let me think... Oh! I know! Because you steal candy all the time!"
(Now that, that card has failed skip to:) "I do not!"
(now you just go with the flow, hopefully by the time the argument is over, she/he won't remember what she/he was talking about) "Do not!"
"Do not! And Do not want to keep on arguing! So stop!"
Sibling looks cross about to go back to topic.
(This is where you intervene with a question! It could be about a liked movie, or book, or it could be a birthday! Anything that will distract her/him away from the candy! It usually works!) "What's your favorite character in Prince of Persia?"
Living with yourself:
This next step must be the most excruciating! So, hopefully these exercises will help you ease your conscience
Everyday you should:
Clear you mind and think of writing projects.
Eat some one elses candy, reminding yourself that, that person doesn't like so and so, or that they had too much of it anyway.
After eating your fourth Milky-way, lean back and before you can feel guilty, start writing on Apricot Pie.
Stay on Apricot Pie for over an hour, by this time, you should have forgotten about your guilt.
When your siblings start wailing about not having anymore candy, and you feel the guilt, go to your room, and write on Apricot Pie. write a poem on guilt, feel guilty for a few minutes, then get up and go pillage the cabinet.
By the time your a pro, guilt will have given up on you and moved away.
(Keep your eye out for Sneaking 103: When your at you're Grandparents House. And Sneaking 104: How to: Speak Sneak )
Given to you by: Kassady the Princess of Sneaks... okay okay! Duchess!
Approved by......: Uhhh.... how about...um... Bilbo Baggins?!
Read by:...Who are you?