Sunrise Kisses--A Daydream

Fiction By Kassady // 1/25/2015

Street lamps shine on to the narrow street, made narrower by the cars parked by the curb on either side of the street. The lush green leaves of the trees that frame the road cast a magical kind of darkness, not exactly blocking out the light of the houses or lamps, but blocking out all kind of starlight or moonlight. Houses of all sizes with their porch lights shining against the approaching twilight, sit perfectly across from each other and next to each other. There is little to no movement, businessmen with early schedules or individuals coming back from night shifts, with their headlights on, might disrupt the peace of early hours, but rarely.
Quietly turning onto the slumbering street, he maneuvers the silver truck smoothly around the potholes and parked cars. Headlights abruptly turning off, the truck slows and turns quietly into the driveway of the only house on the block with a lit window.
Within the house, she was trying to keep her eyes open long enough to put mascara on, hair still in a disarray of tossing and turning against the pillow. Still warm, pajama pants and t-shirt lay thrown to the floor. Rejected blouses lay strewn, spilling out of the top drawer of the chest against the wall. The bedside lamp was hardly enough light for her to see her face clearly in the mirror, but it was sufficient enough to make her squint in pain, having overslept, defying the alarm going off on her phone set for 4:00am.
Buzzing excitedly, her phone vibrates against the wood of the make-up table, screen lighting up with news. Biting her lip, she picks the vibrating phone up, taking only a second to see the one word text displayed on the screen, and stuffing it into the back pocket of her favorite pair of jeans. Pulling on a green and flowery fabric headband to push back her dark fly away hair, she doesn’t care much that it doesn’t exactly match her Hershey’s logo brown t-shirt.
Turning off the lamp hurriedly, she quietly leaves the warmth of her bedroom and steps into the hallway. With a few steps to her right, she pops her head into her parent’s room, their door opened a crack.
“Mommy? Mommy?” she calls in a high, but hushed voice with no response. She lightly knocks on the door, with the result of her father jolting awake, getting ready to get out of bed, instinctually ready for emergencies. “Hey, Laurence is here. I’m going to be out for a while, just thought you’d like to know,” she whispers giving a small wave.
He blinks for a minute, trying to process her words. He nods quickly and then grunts, raising his hand in farewell. “Kay…” he gives another grunt, relaxing back, “sounds good.”
She smiles and steps back into the hallway, quickly tiptoeing into the bathroom; a few minutes later, she lightly rushes down the stairs. In the entryway grabbing her blue hoodie and slipping on her flipflops, she disarms the security system and then rearms it, rushing out the door to beat the countdown, locking the bottom lock from the inside on her way out.
The air is crisp and cold, the silver truck sitting patiently for her in the driveway seems to smoke, the corners of the windows fogging up, but not enough to hide the smiling face he has within the warmth of the car. He jumps out of the driver’s seat, his brown worn work boots thudding against the concrete, and he strides forward to meet her skipping body. His hands catch her goose bump covered arms, warmth from his palms making her shiver in excitement.
She smiles and his heart quickens in response, “Hi,” she whispers, eyes sparkling.
“Hi,” he breathes, breath coming out like a chuckle. Shaking away his daze he let go of her arms, one hand sliding down to hold her hand, guiding her to the passenger’s side and opening the door for her. With her heart in her throat she climbs into the tall truck, letting go of his hand and instantly wanting the warmth and comfort of his touch back. She watches him with a swelling chest as he walks around the front of the truck to open the driver’s side door and climb up into his seat.
With a quick exchange of excited looks, they smile at each other and then he puts the truck into reverse, backing out onto the quiet dark street.
“I’m so excited,” she says, raising her hands to the car vents that blew out heat to warm her chilled fingers.
“I am too!” he exclaims, volume awkwardly too loud for the enclosed space and the dark morning feeling.
She giggles, quickly stretching over the middle console to kiss his cheek as he stops briefly at a stop sign. His cheek moves beneath her lips into a grin, the car jerking forward.
He makes a face, “Sorry.”
She giggles again and sits back, “No that was my fault.”
He opens his mouth to argue but she reaches forward and turns the stereo on, making him quickly change his sentence into one he had planned for the occasion of his Black Keys cd blasting out of the speakers . “How about you play your music?”
She shrugs, “I don’t mind your music.”
“Yeah, but I make you listen to it all the time,” he reaches forward and pushes the input button. He grabs the converter, keeping his eyes on the radio, and glancing to find the cord to pass to her.
She tries not to smile as she hooks up her phone to the stereo and starts to play her mix of alternative folk and indie rock.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” she asks to be polite.
He glances from the road to smile at her, “Are you kidding? I love your music.”
Blushing unreasonably, she grins at him, “I’m really glad we’re doing this.”
“I can’t believe you agreed to it, it’s such a weird date request,” he laughs, shaking his head.
“I think it’s awesome,” she pauses to think, “Creative and romantic, which of course is like a girls dream date.”
He shrugs, “I do confess, it’s not exactly the first time I’ve done this.” Her eyes widen slightly, despite her attempts to hide it. He glances at her face and quickly elaborates, “I mean, this is the first time I’ve done this with someone other than my dad.”
“Oh” she chuckles, tension in her chest instantly released. “Well I’m glad you could share this with me.”
He glances at her to see her genuine and meaningful look, “It’s not exactly mine to share, and I’m sure lots of people wake up for this.”
She shrugs, “Yeah, but I know it’s a kind of tradition that you had with your dad… it’s just special, and…” she stops to bite her lip and she smiles to shake off the seriousness that settles on her mind and tongue. “Yeah.”
Car full of banjo music, the faint sound of the engine, the warm air coming through the vents and the smell of his cologne, they sit and look out the windshield. Outside the sky is inky blue, the buildings and business’s beginning to arouse, 24hr fast food restaurants bright with lights. The street lamps shine onto the road and onto the cars which hurry on their way to beat the clock. For so early in the morning the girl is surprised to see how busy the roads are, while the older boy expertly drives through the early morning traffic.
“So, where exactly are we going?” she asks, watching as the stores and restaurants pass her window.
“It’s about an hour’s drive from your house.”
“You told me that already,” she says rolling her eyes playfully, “But where exactly is it?”
“I can’t tell you that,” he grins, glancing over at her with a gleam in his eye, “It would totally ruin the whole early morning car trip to a mysterious place trip.”
She laughs at him and shakes her head. Silent for a second she studies his face lovingly, eyes full of tenderness and slight amusement. Sighing in exasperation she says, “Why are you so infuriatingly cute?”
He laughs, glancing from the road to flash her his smiling eyes, “Why are you so cutishly random?”
“Cutishly is not a word,” she laughs.
“Yeah it is.”
“In what language?”
“Um…” he opens his mouth but a laugh escapes before his explanation. “Boyfriendese?”
She rolls her eyes heavenward while laughing, “Ugh! Ugh! So infuriatingly cute.”
He grins and nods his head in mock agreement, “I am adorable.”
“Now don’t you start, I left my needle at home so I have no way of deflating your head if it gets too big.”
Laughing at her wit, he shakes his head and tries to compose his face, “Well since you’re in the car I’ll keep my vanity to a minimum.”
“What a gentleman.”
“Yeah well,” he shrugs, “That’s just what real gentlemen do, hold the door, listen and most importantly stuff all full-of-oneself-ity in a closet.”
“Full-of-oneself-ity?” she laughs with another shake of her head, “Now I know that isn’t boyfriendese.”
“Get off my case!” he exclaims loudly, grinning, “I can’t-n’t speak proper English. El oh el.”
She laughs so loud it drowns out the music for just few beats.
“That’s why I have you,” he slips in.
She tries to stop laughing, “Ooh, smooth.”
He takes a hand off the steering wheel to brush his shoulder off dramatic, “Smooth is my middle name.”
She points a finger at him, “What did I say about getting a big head.”
He holds up the same hand in surrender, “Sorry, sorry. I’m just so awesome it’s hard to stop being full-of-oneself-ity.” He glances at her to see her reaction, amused with himself.
“Well you are pretty awesome, but it’s too cold to sit in the truck bed so keep your head to its perfect size.”
“Aw,” he says in a playfully girly tone, “You think my head is perfect?”
“Shhh!” she laughs through her teeth, turning up the volume of a Bastille song.
Pursing his lips together, he tries to hold back his grin reaching forward to turn the stereo up even higher. She adjusts it back down from drum busting loud. The minute she sits back he reaches forward and blasts it again, laughing she tries to swat his hand away but he adjusts it back down to her preferred volume, grinning like an idiot.
She shakes her head at him, eyes drawn to his jaw where she desperately wanted to place her lips. Refraining, she looks out her window at her ever passing landmarks. The time flew by like the landscape, buildings turned to housing, housing turned to farms, farms turned to corn fields and patches of trees; barley fields, acres of untamed land for sale, power lines running across the skies and exits to civilization seemed to appear a lot faster along their trail than expected. The conversations were minimal and light, neither one really needed to say anything, comfortable in their mutual love of music, the scenery and each other; but if looks could speak the car would have been full of sweet and silly words of admiration.
“I can’t believe you of all people would want to do this,” he says with a shake of his head, looking with a slight anxiousness to the sky.
She shrugs, “I can wake up early for special occasions.”
“This really isn’t-”
“Yes it is!” she argues before he can finish his sentence, exasperated with him. “Now shh.”
Another exchange of looks that could have put the pretty sonnets of Shakespeare to shame, and the car fell back into undeterred indie folk rock.
“We’re almost there,” he says softly after a few minutes.
“What?”
“Oh, we’re almost there.”
She grins excitedly and starts bouncing in anticipation, slapping her thigh to the beat of a live recording of Roll Away Your Stone.
The car slows and he turns onto the shoulder of the road, a flat mowed field of weeds and grass lay before them, dogwood flowers trying to grow at the edges of the road and dandelions sprinkled the scene with a dash of yellow. Sittinh at the edge they could see from inside the car into the distance, for miles, this long and random patch of field stretched, curtained on either side by scarce bunches of trees.
Looking from the turning colors of dark navy fading into purple and light blue of the sky, she turns to look at his face questioningly. He smiles at her reassuringly, turning off the car and unbuckling his seatbelt, he jumps from the passenger seat and strides around the front to open her door for her.
She quickly unbuckles her seat belt and puts a hand on his shoulder as he takes her by the waist and practically lifts her from the truck to beside him in the rocky gravel beneath his worn boots.
“Where are we?” she whispers, her breath catching in the chilly air as smoky clouds of heat and water particles. Her eyes are wide with wonderment as she quickly pulls on her sweatshirt, and looks around at the changing colors of the sky.
“Why are you whispering?” his eyes smile at her in amusement.
She rolls her eyes and sighs, breath hanging white in the air, “Where are we?” she repeats in a normal volume.
He takes her hand and walks her forward into the weeds and grass, “Nowhere, and somewhere cool.”
She looks at him with pursed lips, hiding her smile, “Riddles In the Dark? Really?”
He chuckles at her Tolkien reference and tugs at her arm gently, pulling her farther forward, the plants crackling and snapping beneath their feet. Turning to face her, walking backwards, he catches her other hand in his and pulls her forward with an excited expression. “I don’t really know where we are, but you’re going to love this.”
She wants to stop him and wrap her arms around his neck, but keeps following him further into the field, the mild-dew clinging to her pants stickily.
Letting go of one hand again and leading her with one, he keeps stepping forward, fingers entangled and laced with hers and heart beating in his chest like the beating of a bird against gale force winds.
She giggles at his face whenever he turns his head to look back at her with excited eyebrows; eyebrows which keep rising nearly to his hairline with enthusiasm. “How far is it?”
He glances at the sky which is now turning a whitish yellow at the edges, “Not far at all.” He nods at the sky in approval, “Oh, it’s perfect! No clouds, no nothing.”
“It is,” she agrees with a smile at the sky.
“Here,” he slows to a stop, and brings her closer. “Now we wait… and watch.”
She smiles, elbow to elbow with him, hands interlocked. Looking at the sky, keeping his movements in her peripheral, she sighs, breathing in the freshness of the air. The smell of earth fills her nostrils, mild-dew on grass, dandelions, and the sweetness of slightly wet earth, the crispness in the air.
“Mmm…” she hums contently.
He smiles, “Waking up early isn’t all bad now is it?”
“Who said it was?” she closes her eyes and listens to the sound of the birds chirping, the insects humming and the wind in the weeds rustling.
“Well, I know a few people who have said they hate waking up early,” he bumps her playfully with his arm.
She opens her eyes and glares at him playfully, “Yeah, yeah. I was wrong, you were right. Is that what you want to hear?” she giggles and reaches on tiptoe to kiss the edge of his jaw, butterflies fluttering in her stomach and chest.
He grins broadly and seems to emit even more warmth into her fingers, “Music to my ears, coming from your sweet lips.”
“How poetic,” she rolls her eyes playfully, giggling at his sly smile.
“Not as poetic as the symmetry of your face.”
“Oh now you’re just laying it on thick,” she shakes her head, laughing out loud and stepping to stand in front of him, the white turning of the sky framing her face in a magical mix of dark and light.
He smiles down at her and shrugs, “You caught me, I’m just trying to get you to buy me ice cream after this. My next line was going to be along the lines of you being so sweet, as sweet as Oreo ice cream.”
She throws her head back with a laugh, rocking forward to kiss his cheek again. Before she can step back he cups her neck with his free hand and kisses her with all the sweetness of a bowl of Lucky Charms, marshmallows in silky whole milk, soft and childishly thrilling. Pulling back with sparkling eyes, she steps far back and then raises his hand over her head, spinning into him, wrapping his arm around her. Pleasantly surprised, he wraps his other arm around her, his warmth seeping into her chilled skin but only creating more goosebumps.
Wrapped in his arms, and wrapped around her, they watch the sky as pink starts to saturate the horizon, and then dark orange and reds, purples and blues. Watching quietly, listening to nature and the sound of their breathing, hearts beating. He leans his head into hers, closing his eyes to breathe in the smell of her hair. She closes her eyes, neck tingling and heart pounding giddily.
“Are you cold?” he asks softly.
She giggles and shushes him, “Just… shh.”
He chuckles and falls back into silence, pressing the side of his face into her hair and letting his heart get high off the scent of her.
The sun slowly crawls up over the field of grass and dandelions. Yellow, gold, red, pink, purple, light blue, white and green, everything seems to just mix together into a beautiful portrait of serenity and nature.
The light hits their faces, and she can feel the warmth of the early rays upon her face. He leans slightly to see the side of her face, eyes blinking slowly against the light, cheeks pink with the chill and gold with the light of a perfect sunrise. He kisses where her jaw meets her neck, right below her ear, making her giggle and making his lips smile against her soft skin. He laughs, warm breath against the side of her face.
The both start laughing, hearts full of light and overflowing joy, the world around them brightening with the light of dawn, but you could say their laughter shone upon the field and they woke the world with their delight.
She bends from her stomach, muscles aching from laughter and merriment, but he holds her close, keeping her from falling in on herself. He laughs, not really knowing why, but with the amount of happiness which fills his whole being it doesn’t really matter.
Turning, with sparkling wet eyes, rosy cheeks and a mile wide smile, she shakes her head at him. She tries to stem her laugher long enough to kiss him, but her lips smile against his and she falls into giggles. He laughs at her at kisses her cheek, wrapping his arms around him and held her close to his chest. She allows her arms to wrap around his neck, laughter shaking her. Heart about to burst with an unexplainable happiness, she feels warm and happy, comfortable in his arms with the sunlight on her back and in her hair.
They don’t say anything, but their laughter subsides into amused sighs and quick breathes, still hugging each in the middle of the field. To any on looker it would be amusing and the thought of it made the girl return to giggling.
He sighs in playful exasperation, pulling away slightly to look at her face, hands at the small of her back keeping her in his arms. He shakes his head at her and after a minute of staring at her face says, “You’re so beautiful it hurts.”
She laughs, “You read my mind.”
“Well… that’s kind of vain,” he bites his lip in amusement.
She opens her mouth but the only thing that comes out is another laugh and she leans her head against his shoulder, laughing into his chest. “No!” she gasps pulling away, shaking him gently by his shoulders, “No, you, you, are so excruciatingly cute and handsome and charming, and just…ugh!” she throws back her head in mock despair, “Why did you have to be so perfect?”
He smiles and gently kisses her, “Because,” he says, forehead resting against hers, “I’m awesome.” Her breath on his face as she giggles, and her fingers playing with the of his hair at the nape of his neck, he smiles and soaks in the sight of her happiness and the feeling of the sun.
Her dark hair is crowned with sunlight and his face is glowing in gold rays of early morning light, but the sun could never shine as bright as her smile, or his eyes; it could never be as comforting or warm as the kiss they share, standing in the middle of nowhere as the earth spins.
Finally, the sun lifts completely from the ground, and they break apart, still holding hands, fingers laced.
They make their way back to the parked truck, hearts light.
“Here,” he stops and let’s go of her hand, bending slightly, “Hop on.”
She grins and jumps onto his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders. He starts to walk forward, grinning.
“Yay, I get a piggy back ride,” she giggles playfully in a childish tone.
He laughs at her and bounces slightly, making her squeal and giggle even harder. He starts to run, making her yell giddily.
“No! No! Stop! No!” she laughs, “You’re going to hurt yourself,” she tries to warn, but he spins and runs and jumps, making her laugh, giggle and squeal, filling the quiet morning with sounds of joy and childish play.
Reaching the car, he opens the door and turns slightly, letting her climb tentatively off his back and into the truck.
“Your majesty,” he says.
Sitting down, she kicks his back gently and laughs, “Oh hush, I know perfectly well that I’m spoiled.”
He grins and shuts her door, walking around the front of the car, making a scene of hunching his back and hobbling back into the truck.
She laughs, covering her mouth with a hand.
He climbs into the car and grins proudly at the success of being able to make her laugh.
“You know,” she says between laughs, “It’s your fault I’m so spoiled.”
He sighs and shakes his head with a mock rueful look, “I know, I know, what have I done?” He looks up from turning the keys in the ignition to grin at her.
She grins back, jumping slightly when the radio starts blasting music, making him laugh.
The sunlight filtered into the car, making everything warm and comfortable. Outside the car, the waking world shines, peacefully quiet yet buzzing with life. The truck pulls away from the gravel strewn shoulder, turning around on the lonely country road, and driving off, leaving the field empty, echoing with love’s laughter and glowing in the light of the early morning sun.

Comments

OK--this is going to be a

OK--this is going to be a very long comment with lots of suggestions. I didn't think it was bad at all, it just needs some work! There was quite a bit of redundancy, so I'll put brackets around what needs to be taken out. I'll put little comments and suggestions in parentheses. :)

Street lamps shine on to the narrow street, made narrower by the cars parked by the curb on either side of the street (I would recommend rewording this. Instead of saying that the street was made narrower, just say that the cars parked made the street narrow, or something to that effect). The lush green leaves of the trees that frame the road cast a magical kind of darkness, not [exactly] blocking out the light of the houses or lamps, but blocking out all kind of starlight or moonlight. Houses of all sizes with their porch lights shining against the approaching twilight, sit [perfectly] across from [each other] and next to each other (I like this, but it's a little confusing. Something like "Houses of all sizes sit across from and next to each other, their porch lights shining against the approaching twilight). There is little to no movement, [businessmen with early schedules or individuals coming back from night shifts, with their headlights on, might disrupt the peace of early hours, but rarely]. (You could cut that out or just rephrase it, but as it stands the sentence is pretty long and confusing. Maybe something like, "There is little to no movement aside from the occasional early-morning businessman or the headlights of someone coming back from the night shift.")

[Quietly] turning onto the slumbering street, he (since it's an introduction, maybe say "the boy" or "a young man". Same thing in the next paragraph, when the girl is introduced.) maneuvers the silver truck smoothly around the potholes and parked cars.

Still warm[,] pajama pants and t-shirt lay [thrown to] the floor (change that cast aside or something. Otherwise it just seems kind of awkward). Rejected blouses [lay strewn][,] spill[ing] out of the top drawer of the chest against the wall. The bedside lamp was hardly enough light for her to see her face clearly in the mirror, but it was sufficient enough to make her squint in pain (it's not immediately clear why she's squinting in pain.), having overslept, defying the alarm going off on her phone set for 4:00am (you could condense this sentence so it isn't so long. Maybe "having defied the 4:00am alarm on her phone and overslept.)
[Buzzing excitedly, her phone vibrates] (just reword this. "Her phone buzzes excitedly" or "her phone vibrates", that way it doesn't come across as redundant.) against the wood of the make-up table, screen lighting up with news.

Pulling on a green [and] flowery [fabric] (green flowered?) headband to push back her dark fly away hair, she [doesn’t] care much that it [doesn’t] exactly match her [Hershey’s logo brown t-shirt.] (It's a personal preference, but I think that this is too much detail.)

He smiles at her [reassuringly] (perhaps instead of reassuringly, add more details about what his smile looks like. "He smiles at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners familiarly and sending a sense of calm to her stomach." Of course, that's my image and not yours, but you get what I mean :) ). Turning off the car and unbuckling his seatbelt, he jumps from the passenger seat and strides around the front to open her door for her.

[The smell of earth fills her nostrils], mild-dew on grass, dandelions, and the sweetness of slightly wet earth, the crispness in the air. (I really like this, but you say that it smells like earth twice. You could always try something like, "The sweetness of the slightly wet earth fills her nostrils, the mild-dew on grass, the dandelions.")

He glances at her [to see her genuine and meaningful look] ( saying that it is genuine and meaningful makes it seem extremely un-genuine and meaningless. You could just try rewording it so that it wasn't like you were just stating what she was feeling.)

Altogether, I thought that this was very sweet! However, a few things to keep in mind: there was a lot of laughing, which is fine, but saying it so many times made it seem as though it were just a filler. Even if that's what you have in your head, sometimes it's better to leave it out. If you work to convey the right vibe, the reader will probably see what you're seeing as well. Most of the conversations were a little overly-cutsey for me, but I'm very critical of people in relationships. Lol. I feel like it could have been toned down a little bit so that it felt more meaningful, but definitely keep some of that cuteness in there since it is about new love, etc.
I hope I don't come across as harsh! I just like editing things for people and have lots of ideas, but feel free to ignore everything I said. :) <3

Erin | Mon, 01/26/2015

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Thank you so much Erin for

Thank you so much Erin for your edits, for reading and for your constructiveness!!! I love you for it!
I will try to edit as soon as I can, because I completely agree! There is one thing though: you mentioned there was a lot of laughing, and I'm guessing it would get old... I guess I added so much laughter because I notice that when I'm with other people I laugh a lot... Like I practically laugh at everything! So honestly I added that into my own character. Also this is daydream piece, and I want to keep that feeling of realistic, but not completely. Their relationship is just a little too perfect, but being a daydream, that's to be expected... So I thought I'd just say that real quick, but if it's too much I can try to edit some of the cutesy stuff. I just want it to have the same vibe and tone to it by the time I'm done editing.
Thank you so much!!!! I super duper appreciate it :) and you're definitely not harsh at all ;)
Thanks!!!

Kassady | Mon, 01/26/2015

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Oh, I'm the same way, I laugh

Oh, I'm the same way, I laugh all the time! I just meant that maybe the word laughter is overused. If you diversify a little it might make it more interesting, I guess. :) glad I could help!

Erin | Mon, 01/26/2015

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Navigation

User login

Please read this before creating a new account.