What Might Be~Sunshine (37)

A Poem By Kassady // 11/22/2014

What Might Be
I've been through a lot, 
Not as much as some, 
But yeah, still a bit; 
Enough to say that I've lived, 
I've loved and cried, 
I've laughed and thrown my heart away, 
I've borrowed and begged, 
Sure I had my moments.
I still feel like an uncontrollable wreck somedays, 
But emotionally I've grown, 
I know I have, 
I've had help surely, 
Experiences good and sad, 
Some I wish I could have again. 
Each day I'm growing stronger, 
Each new experience, 
Every open and closing door, 
Leads me onto what I will become, 
On towards the light. 
I reflect, 
I reach for my dreams, 
Hoping to fulfill my desires, 
But as always, 
It never really turns out the way I thought, 
Turning into something even greater, 
So I turn everything over, 
To what might be. 

Swing Dancing
I feel like I should write about my night, 
The twirling, 
The smiles and giddy giggles, 
The good dancers and the bad. 
Attractive faces smiling back at me, 
Maybe I should talk about how he looked at me, 
Excited and jiving, 
Mouth opened in fake surprise, 
eyes sparkling, 
Red shoes moving, 
Swinging and swaying to the beat, 
Twirling in so many different ways, 
Understanding and patient, 
Expert but friendly, 
Saying he'll look for me again.
Maybe I should talk about how he looked at me, 
Perfect hair, perfect face, 
He smiled at me with so much excitement, 
Both beginners, 
Though he twirled me expertly, 
Despite the accidental hit and dip,
And slightly awkward stepping, 
Wish I could have danced with him longer, 
All night.
Maybe I should talk about how he looked at me, 
Corners of his eyes crinkling in a friendly smile, 
Remarking on my height which matched his own, 
He who spun me round and round and round, 
Dizzy and giggling, 
He got funky with it, 
Jazz hands and huge smiles, 
I asked if he'd be my last dance, 
But did we dance a third time? 
So friendly, 
So fun. 
Maybe I should talk about how they made me happy, 
Smiling and giggling, 
Making my night one to remember, 
For all the fun experiences, 
The friendly conversation, 
And the way they looked at me, 
In many different ways.

Cute Guy #3
You smelled like him,
But you were different,
Charming and friendly, 
Sociable and attractive, 
I know I shouldn't overthink things,
After being so comfortable following a strangers lead,
But you were so cute.
Your face and hair, 
Your clean but classy style, 
(Black button down and red pants, 
Which coincidentally matched my dress).
So freaking adorable, 
You smiled often,
As we messed up, 
Or as we succeeded.
I saw you there, on the balcony, 
With your friends as I was with mine, 
Can't remember if I caught your eye, 
Or just caught you looking up, 
As I sat at the highest height,
Looking out over the colorful sea of moving bodies.
I climbed back down to your level, 
Leaning on the rail and grinning ear to ear, 
You stood off to the side beside me, 
Don't know, 
But I struck up a conversation. 
Somehow or other I asked you to dance, 
We practiced together for a while,
Dancing to two songs one after the other,
(you were the only one).
You showed me your new technique,
Dipping me, 
My head flew back, 
Hitting some poor girl's shoulder;
After apologizing profusely. 
Finally we nailed it, 
And we split,
You, to your friends, 
I, to teach my father,
Though he wasn't nearly as good as you. 
I saw you again, 
Birthday dance and song jiving, 
It was almost like a mad rush,
To dance with the five birthday girls, 
I saw you first step forward, 
But of course someone else took your place.
Nevermind that, 
Snowball it was, that I found you, 
They called out freeze, slow, snowball,
I knew we had to split and find someone new, 
But I stayed confused with you.
It was not until the end of the night, 
Thanking you for the dances, 
That I noticed how nice it felt, 
With your hand on my waist and my arm, 
Wrapped daintily across your shoulders, 
Posing quite comfortably with you, 
As my mother took a picture,
Smiling and goofy. 
Oh how I hope beyond hope to see you again, 
Dance and jive, 
And this time find some way, 
To contact you outside of the sweetheart step, 
So here's to swinging back into your arms. 

Your Kiss
some nights
yeah
it's still hard to say
goodnight 
and some times 
some times my stomach 
it turns
my breath catches 
i freeze
when I see
it's still hard to see
them all
and to go without
without your kiss

Company of a Boy
I hate how easy it was then,
And I hate how I never truly cried, 
I hate how it's not you I miss, 
But instead I realize I'm shallow, 
Because I miss the company, 
Of a boy, 
And I miss the contact, 
The smiles, 
The looks, 
I miss listening to music without, 
Trying to fit in the somber lyrics into my own life,
I miss listening to that one song without a twinge, 
An ache and a sigh. 
I hate that I have issues being by myself, 
I seriously feel hypocritical, 
But most of all, 
I hate tearing myself down, 
Why do I criticize myself? 
All I want is to feel good about my actions, 
But honestly, 
I don't, 
Despite logically knowing how beneficial, 
It was for me to realize, 
To know I can do so much better. 

Cousin Sister
I think I might be ready to let you go, 
My heart and tears have been exhausted, 
My memories have been stored,
The good, 
The bad, 
The in between, 
When I didn't know what in the world was going, 
When I wondered quietly, 
"Why am I surrounded be selfish idiots?" 
I think I might be done, 
With the silent watching, 
The loud correcting and the negative feelings, 
The turmoil you've put this family in, 
Not knowing your path, 
Not knowing the destruction that followed in your wake; 
Tiny little toes running back and forth. 
I'm not saying I don't love you, 
It's because I do that I'm letting you go, 
I wish it wasn't so and I wish it would all go away, 
The cloud over our heads would deteriorate. 
I wish you never had to be here, 
Or feel such complexities, 
Quarrels, 
Fighting over life as if you're a toy. 
It sickens me, 
And makes me feel murderous, 
Over and over and over, 
Just want to hit him, 
Hit something, 
Anything. 
This isn't healthy, 
The fighting and the tears that you can't see,
Wish you knew how loved you are, 
Wish you could understand. 
God, 
Please,
Help me.
Help me let her go, 
Let me know that I can part with her,
And I won't break into pieces, 
Please, 
I think I'm done with it all, 
Somedays I just want to curl up,
Never get out of bed, 
Shut the world out,
Until it's all better again,
Holding her close to my chest, 
Wrapped in my arms. 

Sunshine
He is the sunshine that lights up the room, 
Who knows what troubles he's been through? 
Wonder if he's had a good life,
Or if he's been bullied. 
He smiles at me and I smile at him, 
It's hard to believe that anyone could harm him, 
If you are with him you love him. 
He is the sunshine that lightens my face, 
The love that spreads, 
Just because he exists, 
Just because he is himself, 
And he didn't let close minded people force him, 
Force him into being something, 
He cannot force himself to be. 

Comments

Very good, Kass!!! I can

Very good, Kass!!! I can really relate to "What Might Be" when I get to that point I just have to remember that every day is new, and the past doesn't matter any more. Really good poem. :)
And I liked "Cousin Sister" it had so much feeling and emotions in it. I'm praying for you. It must be really hard to go through that, and I can only imagine what kind of pain you must be feeling about it. I hope that it all turns out well.
God bless you!

Damaris Ann | Sat, 11/22/2014

"It is the small temptations which undermine integrity unless we watch and pray and never think them too trivial to be resisted."
-Luisa May Alcott

Thank you Damaris!

Thank you so much Damaris for reading! And thank you, I really appreciate the prayers. At this point there really isn't anything I can do, so it is a bit hard, but writing helps ;) thanks again!

Kassady | Sun, 11/23/2014

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

You are so welcome! :)

You are so welcome! :)

Damaris Ann | Sun, 11/23/2014

"It is the small temptations which undermine integrity unless we watch and pray and never think them too trivial to be resisted."
-Luisa May Alcott

These are good! I especially

These are good! I especially liked the last two.

Erin | Mon, 11/24/2014

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Thanks!!!

Thanks!!!

Kassady | Mon, 11/24/2014

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

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