Child Of Darkness

Fiction By Keri // 1/22/2009

The darkness surrounds me
It presses tight
I cannot breathe

The darkness surrounds me, it presses about me, I cannot breathe I cannot move. I take a deep breathe. Ok, maybe I CAN breathe but my chest still feels tight, like my chest is bound by a thousand chains. I am in a locked room. There are no windows. There is one door. I couldn’t get out if I tried. I won’t try, it would be no use. She knows that. Who is She? I can’t remember who she is. All I know is that I did know her once and that she is pure evil. I am so tired I just want lay my head on the floor and sleep so I do, but before slumber claims me, the door swings open and there She is in all her nobility like a queen. Yes, she is a queen but of darkness, of all that ever caused pain. Ah, pain, she revels in it.
“Are you awake child?” her voice is cold, colder than the center of the largest glacier. I lift my head from the ground and stare defiantly at her but I do not speak. I am not a child but I do not answer her. Somehow I feel that if I do, I will never forgive myself. So I just stare. Who am I? I wish I could remember somehow, I can’t. She floats across the room, her velvet gown making the faintest rustle. I could escape now, while the door is open. But I don’t. I just lay motionless. How can one human inspire so much fear and yet so much hate? She takes my chin in her icy hand. “Why don’t you run Nat,” She taunts me, “The door is open, I keep no guards, there would be only me, a poor, weaponless woman with a heavy formal gown to slow me down.” She smiles ever so slightly. Suddenly I have headache, I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know who I am. I slowly shake my head. “Good boy. I think I will leave you here, for now.” She leaves ad the door closes behind her with a quiet ‘click’. And I am left to wonder. How did I get here? Who is she? What does she want with me? Why am I so alone? I want to cry but again realize that crying if I ever live past this I and look back I will hate myself for it. So I don’t. I am fourteen years old. A man, not a child. She called me a child. But she is wrong and I will prove it to her. The door opens again and armor clad guards enter. They look at me and, hesitating lift me up. She lied she said she keeps no guards. I am half amused maybe I should smile. My face remains impassive. Why did the guards hesitate? When they bent down to lift me up I thought I saw trepidation in one’s eyes. Were they scared of me? Perhaps I am someone great. I doubt it. I am carried through the door and out. The corridor is also dark but when brought through the next door, I see something, light. Beautiful light.
“Maybe he’s paralyzed,” the guard holding my upper half ventures, “Granger did hit him pretty hard.”
“Yeah, and maybe he’s struck deaf and dumb too. Shut up.” Said the other. And so, I am conveyed in silence through halls and up stairs until we reached great throne room. She sits upon a black throne her black gown blending perfectly in color with her throne.
“Hello, Nat.” She nods cordially to me. As if we haven’t met just minutes before. “Put him down, I’m quite sure that he can stand.” She snaps at the guards. They nearly drop me in their eagerness to obey. Fortunately they put me on my feet. And my legs immediately give way. “Support him you fools!” and I am pulled up by my arms just before my head strikes the marble floor.
“Nathanial!” a woman’s voice sobs. If Her voice is the center of a glacier, this voice is like the warmest summer’s day. I turn my head and see a motherly type lady. She is dressed finely but in quite a different manner then Her. Instead of dressing to instill fear, this woman is clothed so that a young child would feel welcome to bury its tearstained face in her skirts. Somehow I know that this is someone I love. But other than that, I don’t know her. Seeing my blank stare she gasps. “Nathaniel? Natty? Don’t you know me?” I shake my head no. But I would like to know her very much. I feel that all my memories are just out of reach summoning me, giving me tantalizing hints but giving no more. If only I could reach them, some of this might make sense. At least a little

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I was going to write about a dream that I had that disturbed me greatly for some strange reason and the first few lines are from my dream. (basicly all the stuff about being locked up in darknes) But then I couldn't resist taking it further and now I have the beginings of something I don't even know will be finished but i think I will finish it. If I think of a good plot to go with this.

Comments

WOW!!! How suspensful can

WOW!!! How suspensful can you get? I was on the edge of my seat. Please, PLEASE, finish it!!!!
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"Pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors!"--Klaus Baudelaire

Ariel | Sun, 01/25/2009

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"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

you could finish it!

or at least give me an idea. I mean, the storyline that is forming in my mind sounds too much like one of my favorite books. And I can't have that. I just changed my mind. It's my story, you can't have it. but you may give me and idea. (aren't I nice?)
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Are Washintonians the only people who pronounce the word "our" as "are"?

Keri | Mon, 01/26/2009

:D Oh Lala

see keri!! :D <3
haha,
umm.. :P
maybe theres a really reason why the witch wants him, maybe he knew something, and instead of killing him it turns out he as amnesia!! :D??
haha
who knows please write more!!! :D

<3 <3
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The 'un'perfect person, in the 'un'perfect world, surrounded by unperfect people, with an absolutely perfect God!

Velocity | Mon, 01/26/2009

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The Truth will set you free.

ditto on what Velocity said.

ditto on what Velocity said. He should know something or have access to something that the witch wants and the nice looking lady could be his nurse or mother or something. that's all I have right now, but I'll be thinking about it:)
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"Pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors!"--Klaus Baudelaire

Ariel | Mon, 01/26/2009

*****************************************
"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

good idea!

i will ponder your suggestions. but the nice lady is going to be too young to be his mom or nurse or something
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Are Washintonians the only people who pronounce the word "our" as "are"?

Keri | Mon, 01/26/2009

Oh I just had a brain wave.

Oh I just had a brain wave. If the nice looking lady is going to be young then you should make them either be brother and sister or they should fall in love:) She should be trying to help him remember (secretly) and then she disappears and he has to rescue her. Along the way he has to escape the evil lady's clutches and remember his past!!!
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"Pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors!"--Klaus Baudelaire

Ariel | Mon, 01/26/2009

*****************************************
"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

nice

I like it! Perhaps, with all this support i will finish it.
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Are Washintonians the only people who pronounce the word "our" as "are"?

Keri | Mon, 01/26/2009

Glad the "suggestions" were

Glad the "suggestions" were helpful:)
------------------------------------------------
"Pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors!"--Klaus Baudelaire

Ariel | Mon, 01/26/2009

*****************************************
"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

How old is the poor child?

How old is the poor child? Don't try too marry him off to young. How do you think he feels with you matchmakers hovering over the amnesias lad? Don't you think it would be better if he died heroically? Or better yet, have the girl die heroically. Ha! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Genius I say!

Keri dear, what in the world have you been watching that would promt such a dreadful dream? Althouth I did have a dream about arguing Arabian tribes rotting their limbs off in prison. Such happy thoughts.

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early; he arrives presicely when he means to." Gandalf

The Brit | Tue, 01/27/2009

rotflol

You are hilarious! Acculaly, it was connected with Artemis Fowl 2, and a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge. I won't explain the details of how. but the only part of the story that had to do with my dream was the part about the darkness. In the dream there was also a tresure chest that was made from cushiony plastic and a sentient yet mechnic owl. Oh yeah, and the evil lady was there and I think that's what made the dream creep me out because she was like PURE evil. Anyways, I think I've been watching tooo much Jason Bourne with my dad.
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Are Washintonians the only people who pronounce the word "our" as "are"?

Keri | Tue, 01/27/2009

uh-oh...

I have just reached an impass. I don't want my evil lady to be a which and I am sort of leaning towards evil queen but if ther was any way I could NOT have those it would be great. I am continuing with this as instructed. (I just had our dear protaganist throw up all over his guards in shock at it all.) I just now stopped because of this new barriar. You see, she is jusst going to introduce herself to Natty. (he's 14 btw)
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Are Washintonians the only people who pronounce the word "our" as "are"?

Keri | Tue, 01/27/2009

Uh oh, the famous writer's block!!!

How about you have the evil lady be an evil stepmother (which is very Disney) or she was his nurse but somehow he escaped from her clutches long ago and she has just managed to re-capture him. So after he become "violently ill", he can pass out and wake up to find himself in a room with the nice looking girl bending over him. She can tell him something like "we are always watched" and them just as she's about to help him remember, enter the evil lady!!!!

That's all I have now.

Brit--your comment made me laugh:):):)
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"Pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors!"--Klaus Baudelaire

Ariel | Tue, 01/27/2009

*****************************************
"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

I GOT AN IDEAR!!!

Okay how about the evil queen is really his mom!!! and he doesn't know it .. yet. l8r the nice ggirl is about to die and she tells him, she lives though. so thats why the queen kidnapped him! but she hasn't told him, shes evil right. and the nice girl the queen hired to keep her son safe. and it could be that the queen does have a heart for her son and for that One girl. but most other peopleshe acts evil to and her son until he finds out.
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The 'un'perfect person, in the 'un'perfect world, surrounded by unperfect people, with an absolutely perfect God!

Velocity | Tue, 01/27/2009

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The Truth will set you free.

No, no, no. She's his sister

No, no, no. She's his sister who was jelious because he was going to become king and she wanted to be queen.

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early; he arrives presicely when he means to." Gandalf

The Brit | Tue, 01/27/2009

hmm

how old is the queen? i was thinking adult...
or is she not? maybe shes like an emo evil teen sister girl.
hmm or not. :)
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The 'un'perfect person, in the 'un'perfect world, surrounded by unperfect people, with an absolutely perfect God!

Velocity | Tue, 01/27/2009

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The Truth will set you free.

I like it!!!

Thanks all of you!! I'll you find out whose "idear" I used in the next installment!
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Are Washintonians the only people who pronounce the word "our" as "are"?

Keri | Tue, 01/27/2009

uhu

how old is the queen tho?
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The 'un'perfect person, in the 'un'perfect world, surrounded by unperfect people, with an absolutely perfect God!

Velocity | Tue, 01/27/2009

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The Truth will set you free.

well

She's about in her late teens to early twenties.
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Are Washintonians the only people who pronounce the word "our" as "are"?

Keri | Tue, 01/27/2009

oo

ohhhh 'v'
hmmmmm
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The 'un'perfect person, in the 'un'perfect world, surrounded by unperfect people, with an absolutely perfect God!

Velocity | Tue, 01/27/2009

---------------------------------------------
The Truth will set you free.

Oh, really? I thought she

Oh, really? I thought she was more like the White Witch....she didn't look any particular age. But the teen idea is good in a dark, twisted, original way. The idea is growing on me........

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early; he arrives presicely when he means to." Gandalf

The Brit | Tue, 01/27/2009

I'm so happy!!!!

Earlier this month I entered this story into a fair against, Oh I din't know, probably over 60 others and I got THREE awards for it!! 1st plce, Best in category, and... drum roll please, GRAND CHAMPION ABOVE ALL OTHER CREATIVE WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I just have to tell the world about it

(no, the only prize I get is the 3 ribbons and the glory of beating out so many people so don't ask about that)
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"There's a differnce between food and a meal."
-My bro and I have no idea what it means either

Keri | Mon, 04/20/2009

Well, I bet that was fun for

Well, I bet that was fun for you. What and who got best? Good job, now post another chapter! It's been a long time since the last posting, so you better have a really good chapter to make up for it.

"...And I'm Lukas, his evil spawn." my brother introducing himself, after my dad.

The Brit | Mon, 04/20/2009

I've been busy. Plus Natty's

I've been busy. Plus Natty's making my life miserable. He doesn't deserve a good chapter
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"There's a differnce between food and a meal."
-My bro and I have no idea what it means either

Keri | Mon, 04/20/2009

You go, GIRL!!!!!!

Congradulations on winning the contest!!! That is so cool :)
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"Yes, words are useless! Gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble! Too much of it, darling, too much! That is why I show you my work! That is why you are here!" --Edna Mode (the Incredibles)

Ariel | Mon, 04/20/2009

*****************************************
"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

I agree with Brit

I had a dream about my mom becoming a vampire last night...and I don't even read about them.

Anyway, good beginning, but maybe you could tighten up the grammer or something.
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The Word is alive/and it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless/and afraid...

~"The Word is Alive' by Casting Crowns

May my words be a light that guides others to the True Light and Word.

Julie | Sun, 05/03/2009

Formerly Kestrel

I stink at grammer. It has

I stink at grammer. It has become my belief that i will always stink at grammer. If you want to be my editor I would welcome it. I mean, I could like, e-mail you each finished chapter and then you send it back to me edited. I really use an editor.
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"There's a differnce between food and a meal."
-My bro and I have no idea what it means either

Keri | Mon, 05/04/2009

Wow I love it!

I'm now hooked! Keep going!

Write on!

Kassady | Tue, 11/16/2010

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
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Write On!

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