Me

An Essay By Keri // 9/17/2012

 It only takes a quick visit to my journal for all the misery of the past few years to sweep over me. I think of brother’s trip to prison because of silly, false accusations. I see the death of a man who was like a father to so many of us. There are my mother’s trips to the hospital on suicide watch, the cruel betrayal of a friend, the act of breaking the heart of a boy I still care very much for, and failing my favorite class twice all laid out in my heart’s dark places. There were many happy moments as well, but the memories of pain still seem to have a way of clinging to me the strongest.

When life started getting sad, I stopped writing. It was barely gradual. One day I was meeting with my favorite English professor, swapping stories. Then I was telling myself not to forget to write an outline for Child of Darkness. Then I was just done. I didn’t want to write at all anymore. For a while, that was enough, and I filled my time with new pursuits like Sudoku and getting a job. When a few months of healing after the death had passed, I began to feel my creative bubbles. So I stuffed them deep down and tried to ignore. I got about halfway through a movie before I turned off the TV just because it was making wish to write. It took writing to pass an English of course, but I didn’t turn in a single writing assignment, so I failed of course without explaining to anyone why. I was miserable, I wanted to write and yet I was disgusted by the very idea.

I didn’t abandon Apricotpie very soon. I was a moderator and took the job very seriously. While I stopped writing posts and reading anything that didn’t need approval, I still visited every day to get posts posted as soon as I could. But I fell off of that too.

Recently, I have been having reasons to come back. I miss writing and I miss Apricotpie. I went back and approved the stacks of submissions waiting for an eye to see them and that spurred me. I think it’s time to come out of my box. I have healed well and strongly with God holding my hand and giving me friends. There is no longer any reason to hold back this one last step of healing. I don’t need to be jealous of friends who write, because I write too. I just needed to remember that.

Here I go, and here’s to trying! Geronimo! 

Comments

Good essay! I'm soo glad

Good essay!

I'm soo glad you're back! And that God has healed you! He has healed me too--if you read my testimony (which is posted here), that is one of the many examples on how God works in people's lives. :)

Thank you for your honesty, this is a really good essay. Thank you for sharing!

Lucy Anne | Mon, 09/17/2012

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was wondering about you.

I was wondering about you. And I'm so very glad to have you back. Your writing is simply beautiful. This essay was another one of your great pieces.

Madeline | Mon, 09/17/2012

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

I've missed your writing so

I've missed your writing so much. I'm glad to see that you're emerging out of the darkness.

Erin | Tue, 09/18/2012

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

:)

I haven't actually explored your profile yet; and had no idea who you were. I felt like crying in the first paragraph, and just about shouting at the end. Looking forward to your writing; and pray and hope that you keep doing it! :D
God bless you

Maddi | Tue, 09/18/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Ditto to Maddi! I'm so glad

Ditto to Maddi!
I'm so glad your back, Keri! :) I love your writing, although I never comment ... :/ Well, anyways I'm really glad that your back!! :)
~Sarah

Sarah Anne | Tue, 09/18/2012

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths

P.S
Go to my blog and follow it: Sarahanneandrews.wordpress.com
:) for my sake, follow

Keri! I love you!! Never stop

Keri! I love you!! Never stop writing, you are awesome.

Renee | Sun, 09/23/2012

Welcome back. This was deeply

Welcome back. This was deeply emotional and painful... but I'm so glad you're here again.

Anna | Wed, 09/26/2012

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

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