Hey, Mister. I don't know if you'll see this. At the moment, I have no intention of showing you. I opened this word processor because I felt like I needed a fairy tale. That made me start thinking of you. You, my own personal fairy tale. Look at us, living a cutsey little happily-ever-after. Don't you ever think that our hard times will ever mean it's not that.
Every tear I have ever had since I've known you has made me love you more.
And, darling, I know you hated crying in front of me, but I never told you how much I loved that. No, I didn't revel in your tears. I came to feel closer to you. There will be tears in every person's life. To share our tears with each other is the closest, most revealing, way to be with another person. It gives me a chance to take care of you.
I love taking care of you. I love wrapping you in my arms, and feeling like you need me as much as I need you. Oh, my precious, oh my darling, oh my dear, sweet, beloved Mister. Just thinking of taking care of you fills me with such love and fondness and bright joy even sitting alone in this dark room. Cooking for you, making your bed, doing your laundry, rubbing your back, kissing your pains, holding your heart, holding your hand, and so much more are want I want.
When you're old, I want to be the one to push your wheelchair. I don't care if I'm in one of my own. I want to feed you your gruel with a spoon even if I need a younger person's hand to guide my hand if it trembles too much with age. I want to run my bony fingers through your hair white as a wedding dress if you have any left. I want to still be arguing about who gets to die first when we're close to it. then, I want to die seconds before you while I lay in your arms.
I never knew love before I knew you. You have been my teacher, and my guide. You have loved me without asking anything. You are gentleness, sweetness, and love. My sweet Mister, thank you. I will never understand why you love me. All I can do is thank God for you every second that I'm alive. Mathew, I love you.