Descent to Chaos

An Essay By Kyleigh // 5/26/2011

{this isn't based on fact, but the musings of my mind. There have been no protests here, and we don't see any reason for there to be any; the local people are happy. But I put myself in the shoes of one of my friends in a nearby country, and this is what resulted}.

Shouts and angry voices drifted up from the street.

            I ran to the window. Crowds of people marched by, most holding signs, some holding guns. Unwanted fear gripped my heart. In previous weeks, as neighboring countries broke out into fighting, I felt so awful that I had such a peaceful, joyful, easy life when I heard of others' trials, especially of the Christians. 

            Why is life like this? Why do some suffer while others don't? I often wondered.  I don't know. I thought.

            But even still, then it had seemed so far off and surreal. But now, it had come. The peace was broken in my country, my beloved home, the land of my heart, though not of my birth or passport. I should have known it was coming, the way so many other Middle Eastern countries were erupting into chaos. Now I wondered if we would have to leave. The Middle East was a place so close to my heart that all this death and destruction cut very deep. My heart had been very tender, but I was finding that He draws near in our grieving and when we are tender and brokenhearted.

            Why? I wondered. Why was my peaceful world suddenly racked with war? Was it because oppression could only last so long? Or because of far-off rulers drawing lines after the world wars? Or was it deeper than that?

            Bondage to sin. Was that it? They think they’re throwing off chains… but in reality, they’re just tightening them, and sinking deeper into the distress of their sin and waywardness.

            Things will never change, never be peaceful, unless they choose freedom of soul over government freedom. Is it really freedom they seek? It seems contradictory – that while they cry for freedom, the freedom they want often allows them to go deeper into sin and selfish desire.

            I thought back to history lessons from previous years. I knew God was the protagonist in history. So what was He doing here? I tried to focus on His character. I thought again of how near He’d been in the past few days. I think in our brokenness is when we see His awesomeness most, and see He is compassionate towards them, too... and He will be glorified in it. I swallowed hard. It was so hard to see how He could be glorified in destruction.

                Maybe this is why trust is sometimes called blind. I don't know what He's doing, or why. But I know Him, and I know that if He's doing it, it must be good.

            I thought of a something a friend had said after a teacher of his died. “We shouldn’t ask ‘why did he die?’ but ‘why does God allow any of us to live?’”
            I turned to Isaiah, and read:
            “Therefore my people go into exile
            for lack of knowledge;
            their honored men go hungry,
            and their multitude is parched with thirst.
            Therefore Sheol has enlarged its appetite
            and opened its mouth beyond measure,
            and the nobility of Jerusalem and her multitude will go down,
            her revelers and he who exults in her.
            Man is humbled, and each one is brought low,
            and the eyes of the haughty are brought low.
            But the Lord of hosts is exalted in justice,
            and the Holy God shows himself holy in righteousness.”

             Devastation shows His power, and His wrath, and justice. My soul had been troubled. But I know who He is, and I trust Him. That is such incredible consolation - not even what He's done in the past, that is truly amazing, but knowing who He is and that He will be faithful because He is faithfulness, and He will be good, and loving - because He is love. Nothing else could ever bring me so much consolation as knowing Him.

            I turned back to the window. There were still protestors outside. But now my soul was still. I still didn’t know what was going to happen. But I trusted Him. And I knew it would be for His glory in the end. I couldn’t wait to see how.

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