PRINCE CASPIAN

Fiction By Laura Elizabeth // 6/15/2009

PRINCE CASPIAN

I hope ya'll like this one. It isn't quite as funny as The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, at least in my opinion, but it still made my brother laugh. Remember: read out loud, preferrably to someone else. (note: D. Corn is Doctor Cornelius. It's just an abbreviation, but you can read it that way, if you want. I do. Also, where Su says: Let him eat fists; supposedly, Marie Antoinette, the French queen, said about the poor people: Let them eat cake. So that's where I got it.)

Caspian's Castle
D. Corn: Caspian! Wake up!
Cass: No.
D. Corn: Whatever. Just let Miraz kill you.
Cass: Oh, fine. Come on.
D. Corn: Here's Queen Su's magic horn.
Cass: So?
D. Corn: Bye!
Caspian rides out of the castle, knocks spears out of Miraz's men's hands. Is chased across the water and through the woods. Hits his head on a tree branch. Sees a badger and two dwarfs come after him. He blows horn for no good reason.

Train Station.
Boy: Hi, what's your name?
Su: Get out of my face, kid.
Boy: Okay.
Lucy: Su, Pete is fighting.
Su: Let him eat fists.
Ed: They're gonna kill him!
Su runs in, knock everyone off of Pete, and pulls him away.
Su: Dummy, you made me risk life and limb to save you. You are forever in my debt.
Pete: Huh uh.
Ed: I wanna go back to Narnia.
Lucy: Yeah.
Pete: Who cares? They don't need us, obviously. The only reason we ever go is to be used to get sissy Narnians out of their own trouble.
Su: Yep.
They are suddenly pulled out of station and into a cave, with an ocean in front of them.
Su: Not so bad. I'm sick of school anyways.
Ed: You haven't done any this year.
Su: Oh. I forgot.
They splash in the waves, and see castle ruins.
Pete: Wierd. It looks like Cair Paravel.
Ed: Dingbat, that's because it is.
Pete: Let's get our stuff.
Lucy: Cool. My dagger.
Su: My bow. Looks like someone stole my horn.
Pete: Who cares? Here's my sword.
Lucy: I don't like this place. Let's get out.
Ed: Look, a catapu...whatever you call it. Cair Paravel was attacked.
Pete: So? That was years ago. Let's go find that dwarf guy to rescue.
They run over to the river and see a boat with two soldiers and the dwarf guy in it.
Pete: Shoot them, Su.
Su: Ok.
She does.
Pete: I didn't mean the dwarf, stupid. At least he has chain mail on.
Dwarf: Ooo, creeps, four ghosts. Well, you should scare Telmarines sufficiently. Let's go find Cass.
Pete: Ok. Who is Cass?
Dwarf: Cass is a dunkoff teen with his head screwed on backwards and sideways. I am always being sent on dangerous missions for him. This one nearly cost me my life, or at least my mental health. How he'll make it as king, I don't know, 'cause he is bad at being prince. He gathered a bunch of creatures to him, and another dwarf, Nikabrik, is always giving him bad advice. Trufflehunter is never listened to, so there's really no reason for him to be there.
Pete: He's not going to be king. I am the king. But I will fight the Telmarines to get my kingdom back.
They get in boat, after repairing the hole made by Susan's arrow. After a while, they get out and walk.
Dwarf: You don't know the way.
Pete: Yes I do, little piggy. This is my country.
Dwarf: Ouch, that one hurt.
Su: Shut up, Pete. You hurt his feelings.
Ed: Since when did hurt feelings matter to you?
Lucy: AWWWsome! I saw Aslan!
Su: Huh uh.
Ed: I guess I believe her.
Pete: I don't. She's just a dumb little girl.
Dwarf: I don't believe in Aslan.
Lucy: Your'e all brats. Except Ed, of course.
Pete: Shut up. Come on ya'll.
They go through a wood and get dreadfully hot and tired.
Lucy: Hee hee hee.
Pete: What's so funny?
Lucy: We are having trouble getting through. Hee hee hee. I knew we should have followed Aslan.
Pete: You didn't tell us he wanted us to follow him, you little dipstick. All you said was that you saw him.
Lucy: Huh uh.
They get to the edge of the wood, and arrows whiz around their heads, scattering them and their wits.
Dwarf: Run!
Pete: Hide!
Su: Stop, drop, and roll!
Lucy: EEEE!!
Ed: Stand and fight!
They run and hide.
After the Telmarines leave (at least, I think they were Telmarines), they go on back up the hill.
Pete: Where did you see Aslan?
Lucy: I didn't. Remember?
Su: Lucy, I ought to throw you off the mountain.
Lucy: I thought you were Queen Susan the Gentle.
Su: Only because there was never anything for me to be ungentle about. Now, show us where Aslan was.
Lucy: No. Ain't gonna do it.
Ed: Well, let's eat.
Pete: What will we eat?
They see a bear.
Ed: That!
Pete: What if it's a talking bear?
It charges them.
Pete: On second thought, maybe it's not. Someone shoot it!
Su: Nah.
Dwarf: I will, if you'll pay me something.
Pete: Idiots! It's about to eat us!
Dwarf shoots it and kills it.
Dwarf: Pay up.
Pete: What do you want? All you really deserve is a smack in the face.
Dwarf: I want your sword.
Pete: What!? My sword!! Not until Tash the Terrible eats me will I part with it.
Dwarf: Oh, fine. I'll go find Tash the whatever and ask him to eat you.
Pete: I'll kill you if you even think about it.
Dwarf: Alright! Creeps! I'm not even thinking about it. Cross my heart!
Pete: Good. Let's go on. But let's eat the bear first.
They do, and then fall asleep, forgetting that they meant to go on after that.
Lucy wakes up and hears someone calling her. She gets up and walks around until she sees dancing trees and Aslan.
Lucy: Cool!
Aslan: Come here, Lucy.
Lucy: What do you want?
Aslan: Go wake up the others and tell them to follow you. You will follow me, but I'll be invisible to everyone else for a while.
Lucy: Awww. No fun.
Aslan: You'll have plenty of fun later on.
Lucy goes back to the others, and wakes them up. They grumble a lot, but finally follow her.
Ed: Lucy, I see him.
Lucy: Cool.
Pete: Ya'll are both lying.
Su: I'm tired. Wanna go to bed.
They don't let her.
Finally, they see Caspian's camp, which is at Aslan's How under a huge, ugly hill.
Pete: Is that where ya'll are living? Gross. It looks like it has rats all in it.
Dwarf: Believe me, it does. By the thousands. But they are good practice for learning to fight Miraz's men.
Aslan becomes visible to all of them.
Aslan: Get inside the How and have some adventures while the girls and I have fun.
Pete: Ok. Come on guys.
They go. They come to the (unguarded) entrance, and go through. They stop outside a door, and listen.
D. Corn: They should be here any time. Be patient.
Cass: I'm sick of being patient. I'm sick of being prince and king at the same time, plus captain, soldier, nearly-assasinated nephew, animal keeper, dwarf handler, and tunnel dweller. Get me out of here!
Hag: We will. Gladly.
Werewolf: Yes. Indeed we will. Grab him!
Pete, Ed, and Dwarf rush in and start hacking at everyone. Fortunately, only the bad guys are killed, though some of the good guys are wounded.
Cass: Who are you guys?
Pete: I'm High King, and this is King Ed.
Cass: Well, you took long enough. And thanks for slashing my arm nearly off.
Ed looks at it.
Ed: It's hardly a scratch.
Pete: Well, I'm here to organize this rabble into a real army. No one was even guarding the entrance. Good thing we found out before Miraz.
Cass: I'm king here! Don't go ordering me around. All I called you for was some help.
Pete: Well, you'll get more than help. I am the king, and a real one, not just some doonkoff teen.
Ed: Well, what are we gonna do?
Pete: I'm a hero a lot of the time. I'll fight Miraz in single combat.
Cass: I wanna!
Pete: No, ain't gonna happen. Ed, please write out a challenge and take it to Miraz for me.
Ed: Ok. Here goes...

At Miraz's Camp
Miraz: Who are those? The boy, man-horse thingy, and huge fellow?
Guard: They are King Ed, a centaur, and a giant. They want to talk to you.
Miraz: Let 'em in.
Ed comes in, the other two stay outside the tent (the giant wouldn't fit, for one thing).
Ed: Here's a challenge for you: I, Pete the High King, wanna do single combat with you, to prove my bravery to Caspian, my loyalty to Narnia, and my detestation of you. My brother Ed will work out details with you. Signed, Yours, Pete
Miraz: Posh! He thinks he's brave, loyal, and he detests me. Well, I detest him. Of course, I must discuss it with Glozzelle and Sopespian first.
Glozzelle: If you don't fight, then everyone, including myself, will call you a coward.
Sopespian: Exactly, sire. You must fight him.
Miraz: I accept your brother's challenge. I'll be out in a few minutes. Just gotta change into my armor.
Ed: We'll be waiting for you.
He leaves.

Combat Ring
Pete: By Ed. If I die, tell Mum and Dad that I died a hero.
Ed: Not a chance. Your'e being dumb.
Miraz: Hurry up, boy!
They start fighting. Pete evidently hasn't practiced in some time. He gets knocked down.
Cass: I would have killed Miraz by now.
Ed: Huh uh.
Pete: Let's take a break and drink some lemonade.
Miraz: Nah. Beer will be fine for me.
Ed: So, what's the prob?
Pete: My arm is out of joint.
Ed jerks it back in place.
Pete: Ow! Thanks a lot.
Ed: Here's your lemonade.
Pete: No suger. Yuck.
Ed: No sugar in Narnia, remember?
They go back and start fighting again. Miraz falls over for no good reason. Pete is about to kill him when Glozzelle jumps in.
Glozz: He killed our king! The dirty traitor!
He goes up and stabs Miraz.
Glozz: Now it's my turn to be king.
Sopespian comes after Pete, but suddenly falls to the ground. A mouse has killed him.
Pete: How shockingly courageous. I hate to say it, but that little thing's braver than even I am.
The mouse, with some other mice, run around killing Telmarines. It is a highly outnumbered battle for Miraz's men. Suddenly, the trees start grabbing at Telmarines. They surrender.
Pete: Stinking cowards.
Ed: Well, I was getting tired anyways.
Cass: Thanks, High King Pete, for helping get my kingdom back.
Pete: You sure have a thick skull, don't you? This is my kingdom. Got it?
Cass: Well, there's Aslan. Let's go ask him.
They walk up to Aslan.
Cass: Aslan, who is gonna be king?
Aslan: You are.
Pete: How totally uncool. I did all the work, and I don't get a thing.
Aslan: Let's crown Cass.
They do.
Su: Boy, he looks handsome.
Cass hears her.
Cass: I wanna announce something to everyone. Su and I are getting married in a few years.
Pete: Oh, no your not.
Cass: Oh.
Su: Get outta my face, kid.
Aslan: It's time to leave, Pete, Su, Ed, Lucy. Say bye bye to everyone.
Pete: Nah. Don't feel like it.
Su: Bye.
Ed: See ya'll!
Lucy: Bye bye to everyone.
Cass: Get outta my country.
They go through the doorway, and are back in the train station.
Pete: Boy, am I glad Aslan said we couldn't go back. Twice was way more than enough for me.
Su: Yeah. Now we can go back to normal life.
Ed: Lucy and I are going back. Nanny nanny boo boo.
Lucy: Oh no, I left my new torch in Narnia.
Ed: Lucy, I was supposed to say that.
Lucy: Well, you were'nt saying it. So I decided to.
THE END

Comments

"Ed: Dingbat, that's because

"Ed: Dingbat, that's because it is."
hehehe....and you know, the funny thing is, I could actually see him saying that. **walks away still laughing**

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"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

Ariel | Wed, 06/17/2009

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"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

Haha!! This was really

Haha!! This was really funny. I read it to my little brother, and he thought it was funny too.

~Erin~

"I was an idiot, I was a pompous prat, I was a - a -"
"Ministry-loving, family-disowning, power-hungry moron," said Fred.
Percy swallowed.
"Yes, I was!"
"Well you can't say fairer than that..."

E | Wed, 06/17/2009

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Haha

Su: Lucy, I ought to throw you off the mountain.
Lucy: I thought you were Queen Susan the Gentle.
Su: Only because there was never anything for me to be ungentle about. Now, show us where Aslan was.
Lucy: No. Ain't gonna do it.

Oh-oh-oh--you meddler--I ought to--*laughs so hard she can't finish her threats*

---
The Word is alive/and it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless/and afraid...

~"The Word is Alive' by Casting Crowns

May my words be a light that guides others to the True Light and Word.

Julie | Thu, 06/18/2009

Formerly Kestrel

Pete: How shockingly

Pete: How shockingly courageous. I hate to say it, but that little thing's braver than even I am.
The mouse, with some other mice, run around killing Telmarines. It is a highly outnumbered battle for Miraz's men. Suddenly, the trees start grabbing at Telmarines. They surrender.
Pete: Stinking cowards.
Ed: Well, I was getting tired anyways.
Well this was an amusing read

Keri | Tue, 06/23/2009

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, etc.

   LOVE IT! It's SOOOOOOOOOOO funny! Can you do Princess Bride next???? =D =D :) :)

Jackie West | Fri, 03/05/2010

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