Eyes

A Poem By Emilee // 3/23/2012

 I adore poetry, But I don't even pretend to be good at writing it! But anyway here's a lil' diddy! I'd appreciate any feedback!

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Eyes. 

When you look in my eyes,

Can you tell that I cry? 

Do you see all of lifes' pain,

Fall off me like it's rain. 

Do you wonder if I smile,

as without you a I walk another mile. 

Do your eyes betray you? 

The way I know that mine do...

 

Comments

Welcome to AP!

Welcome to AP! 

This is a good first poem! :D My only suggestion would be maybe rearraging a couple of lines and adding a few extra words to improve the flow. But this has a good message...

Do your eyes betray you? 

The way I know that mine do...

Great ending, too! :)

-HomeschoolGirl (aka Homey)

Madeline | Sun, 03/25/2012

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thanks!

 Thanks for the comment! I've actually been trying to figure out how to improve the flow...I will have to work on that some more!  Glad you like the end :)!

Emilee | Mon, 03/26/2012

A poem begins as a lump in the thoat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness -Robert Frost
Emilee @ http://fantasticalpaperrealm.blogspot.com/

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