I have missed posting on apricotpie these past two months. My summer has been really busy and I have had sooo many ideas that I simply can't seem write it down on paper...yet. It's frustrating.
But anyways, this is the story on how I became a Christian. I hope you'll be encouraged. :)
When I was five or six, my family and I went to listen to Billy Graham when he came to preach in New York. I don’t remember anything of his sermon but I do remember that I went up when he gave the altar call.
Many years later, I began to doubt if I really got saved that day—or was ever saved at all! I reasoned that back then I was too young to understand his message or what being a Christian meant. I also reasoned that I had not remembered that I had changed afterwards.
I began to have fear and I worried a lot. I was scared of what would happen if I died the next day and didn’t go to heaven or what would happen if the world ended the next day. I worried if I would have to go to school and how I would be able to avoid doing things that school required and I held as wrong.
I also struggled with rebellion in my heart. When times were difficult, I was angry on how things turned out and I rebelled in my heart against people when I didn’t agree with them.
And because I kept it all these things and others inside, I became bitter and confused on what I believed. At times I got so confused; I didn’t know who to believe anymore or what to do. I felt that life was unfair when little and big things didn’t go the way I wanted. Anger came easily. I was angry and bitter at the people who hurt me. Looking back at my diary, there were a number of times when I just was hateful, depressed, angered, and bitter all at the same time.
That’s was when the doubts came in if I was really a Christian.
I saw how people in Followers of Jesus Mennonite Church lived for God. I observed the ladies in the congregation and a few other Christian ladies I knew. I saw what joy they had and how earnest they were in serving Jesus. I wanted to be like them; have the peace, joy, and patience they had.
I felt trapped, I didn’t know which way to go. I saw two paths in front of me—one path that led to God and His promises if we followed Him and another path that led to Satan and evil desires. I wanted to be a Christian and re-dedicate my life to Jesus so badly but it just seemed so difficult to give up so many of the things that I felt and I knew that were necessary to be a Christian.
I spent much nights in bed praying and thinking. Some nights I almost, almost asked Jesus to come into my heart again. But then I would realize how much I would have to give up. I just couldn’t do it. I wanted so much to have true peace and joy in my heart. But every time I was about to open my mouth and ask Jesus to come into my heart, Satan would bring me to other thoughts or tell me not to.
One long night on March 19th, 2012, I was praying when I could feel a voice telling me to follow Jesus and re-invite Him into my heart. My heart raced and my stomach seemed to be all tied up into knots. My heart beat faster and faster as I thought, "Why not?"
But then, as usual, Satan came and reminded me of all the things I would have to give up.
Then the Voice reminded me of Jesus and all the things He would give.
Then Satan came again and repeated all that I would have to give up.
Inside I felt like there was a raging battle going on between God and Satan and myself. One side was saying no and the other side was saying yes.
Suddenly, a thought struck my mind, "Why am I listening to Satan?"
That question caught me completely off-guard when I suddenly realized who I was listening to this whole time--Satan. And that was when I finally re-dedicated my life to Jesus.
Then I felt it--joy, peace, hope--things I had never truly experienced. Immediately, I felt a love I never really had before. I was able to forgive. The rebellion in my heart, the hidden bitterness, the hate, and the anger all disappeared!
And now, after all these years, because of Jesus, I now have joy, peace, and…victory!
Just before my baptism, I read this to my church family out in the sandy beach on August 11th, 2012. I just wanted to share my testimony to the world--I hope to encourage you all as Christians to stand up for Jesus.
Excerpt from my blog so I don't have to say it all over again. :)
My baptism on August 11th will always be one of the happiest days of my life! All my sins are washed away by the blood of Jesus!
My sister made this sign awhile back that says, "Thank God I'm Forgiven--TGIF". It could never be more true or relatable.
I'm really glad that I got to finish my testimony before Saturday because I was kind of hesitant on what to write and all...but I finished it.
And although I really thought I wouldn't cry (especially since I read it over and over and over again at home without any you know, overly strong emotions), I did. I guess it was because I was just so overwhelmed about how many dozens of different kinds of emotions were in me while I was speaking that I just had to stop reading and cover my eyes. I was slightly embarrassed of course, because I don't like people see me cry. ;)
Please thank the Lord and pray for me. Satan has been tempting me more than ever! But, I am just so thankful for a caring and loving church. All their encouragement, advice, warnings about the devil, prayers, and cards on that saturday and on sunday was just so meaningful to me.