Washing Dishes

An Essay By Lucy Anne // 7/24/2013

I wasn't allowed to use adverbs like "hungrily" for this writing. Anyways, I need correction on any grammar, sentence structure, and organization. God bless you.

______

Sarah sighed. The silver knives that she had received last Christmas did not look so pretty now. White rice, which had become cold and stiff, refused to release the knives, and somehow, the ketchup and eggs from breakfast, speckled the utensils too (since when do white rice and ketchup and eggs mix?). Steak sauce smeared them, and even the Wagner cast iron pot did not look as appealing anymore. When Sarah tilted the pot towards her and peered inside, wilted garlic cloves and bits of lettuce skidded across its greasy ice skating rink. Not just that, but a mountain of coffee-stained mugs from breakfast stacked a foot high.

Scrunching her nose, she turned and opened the faucet. Out gushed soothing water. She plugged the drainer and water began rising in the sink. Into the pond, she squirted a stream of detergent—releasing bubbles rainbow. And then began the battle of water versus bubbles. As the water kept raining onto the pond, all the more bubbles grew overtaking the water. Sarah could not resist so she scooped her hand into the battle of suds. Cupping a handful, she watched them vanish like snowflakes.

She knew her task must be done, so—with another sigh, she dragged the cast iron pot, silver forks and knives, and mugs into the pond. Plop! Down the dishes sank, and up the lettuce rose.

The water faucet, still swishing its full and puffy skirts, rained upon the pond. Centimeter by centimeter, the water rose higher. Oops! The pond became an ocean, sweeping and stretching like elastic across the counter; absorbing Sarah’s shirt. Snapping shut the faucet, she watched as the steak sauce and ketchup swirled together at the center of the pond.

When she lifted the pot from the sink, up came lettuce and garlic which glued to it. She reached for a rag. Dipping it into the sink, she slid the rag across the pan’s bottom and with a quiet plunk, the lettuce and garlic slip into the water. But the grease in the pot was rebellious and refused to let go. She scrubbed with all her might, squirting soap not just in her rag, but also in the pot. Back and forth, round and round…now the pot’s grease vanished and was ready to rinse.

Plunging her hand into the water, she groped for the plug. There—the water sunk a few inches. She opened the faucet again to raise the cast iron pot. Swish, swish. She positioned the pot upside-down onto the drying rack.

Rim of mugs emerge from the water, beginning to float. Reaching for them, she swirled her sponge into the cup, trying to rub the bottom of the cup, but she only succeeded in jamming her fist into her cup and in making the sponge squeal in pain from the resistance. Reach, rinse, rub, dry, reach…she repeated the process for six mugs.

Now only knives remained. Holding her breath, she held the knife at arm’s length with only her index and thumb. Rubbing the foamy soap rag back and forth against the knife, the steak sauce stained the rag and plopped into the water. Under the running water she placed the knife. The water landed straight down on the knife, then skidded off the edges, falling as if the end of a waterfall and into the pond. One by one, she placed them into the drying rack.

Looking to her left, she smiled. Knives leaned into the cup in the drying rack, mugs dangled from the hooks, and the cast iron pot spread flat, stretching out its arm. No more steak sauce painted the knives brown. The mugs no longer revealed how much cups of coffee she had been drinking and were not supposed to drink. And the cast iron pot looked just like it had when she received it for Christmas. Shiny. She walked out of the kitchen, away from her accomplishment. She had better things to do.

Comments

I like this a lot, it was

I like this a lot, it was very cleverly written. I spotted a couple of grammatical things that I pasted below.

"White rice, which had become cold and stiff, refused to release the knives, and somehow, the ketchup and eggs from breakfast, speckled the utensils too."
This seemed a little muddled, and I had to read it over a few times to understand what you were saying. You could phrase it more like this:
"White rice, which had become cold and stiff, refused to release the knives. Somehow, the ketchup and eggs from breakfast had also speckled the untensils."
That's just my personal opinion, however. The first one seemed like a run-on sentence.

There was another grammar mistake somewhere, but I'm tired, so I forgot where it was. However, why wasn't Sarah allowed to drink coffee? Where did this information come from? I would have liked that to be a bit clearer in the beginning. At the beginning, you mentioned that there were lots of coffee mugs, but you didn't say that she wasn't supposed to have been drinking coffee.
"Oops! The pond became an ocean, sweeping and stretching like elastic across the counter;" I like that line.

Good job, hope this helped!!

Erin | Thu, 07/25/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

I like this a lot, it was

I like this a lot, it was very cleverly written. I spotted a couple of grammatical things that I pasted below.

"White rice, which had become cold and stiff, refused to release the knives, and somehow, the ketchup and eggs from breakfast, speckled the utensils too."
This seemed a little muddled, and I had to read it over a few times to understand what you were saying. You could phrase it more like this:
"White rice, which had become cold and stiff, refused to release the knives. Somehow, the ketchup and eggs from breakfast had also speckled the untensils."
That's just my personal opinion, however. The first one seemed like a run-on sentence.

There was another grammar mistake somewhere, but I'm tired, so I forgot where it was. However, why wasn't Sarah allowed to drink coffee? Where did this information come from? I would have liked that to be a bit clearer in the beginning. At the beginning, you mentioned that there were lots of coffee mugs, but you didn't say that she wasn't supposed to have been drinking coffee.
"Oops! The pond became an ocean, sweeping and stretching like elastic across the counter;" I like that line.

Good job, hope this helped!!

Erin | Thu, 07/25/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

:)

Thank you for commenting and pointing out the errors!
About the coffee...if you drink too much coffee, you either become very sleepy or very awake. And if not that, your teeth will be ruined. Besides, as my mom always says, 'Too much of anything is never good for you.

Lucy Anne | Thu, 07/25/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is a great way to learn

This is a great way to learn how to write description. :)

Anna | Mon, 07/29/2013

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Thank you for commenting! By

Thank you for commenting!

By the way, I missed your June writing. You said you will try to post once a month because you never missed one month, remember? ;)

Lucy Anne | Mon, 07/29/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

:)

I really enjoyed this, Megan! Just a few things:

"refused to release the knives" - I feel like this should be "refused to release from the knives."

"greasy ice skating rink" <-- love this!

"but a mountain of coffee-stained mugs from breakfast stacked a foot high." - stacked a foot high what? I think I get what you're saying here but it seems like it's missing something.

This was really enjoyable to read and you did a wonderful job describing without "ly" words!

Kyleigh | Tue, 07/30/2013

"but a mountain of

"but a mountain of coffee-stained mugs from breakfast stacked a foot high tall" - Thank you for catching that!

Thank you for commenting!! I've missed your comments alot and they always mean so much to me. :)

Lucy Anne | Wed, 07/31/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well done!

Very well done, well written! That must be sooooo difficult! Not using adverbs. Wow! I'm very impressed.
This is really awesome, love the descriptions and the character. Very well described, very visual.

Kassady | Wed, 07/31/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

You have me smiling.

You have me smiling.

Lucy Anne | Wed, 07/31/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love this!

I love this. It reminds me of myself, although I don't drink coffee. :P Anyways, a very creative idea, and it made me smile. Keep writing!

Susannah | Thu, 08/01/2013

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

:)

I'm so glad you do! Thank you for commenting!! And your quote is funny. -- Megan

Lucy Anne | Thu, 08/01/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I sort of enjoy washing the

I sort of enjoy washing the dishes. But I guess that's just me and my strange likings.
There were just two things that I found. First Paragraph 7, sentence 1:
"Rim of mugs emerge from the water, beginning to float." "Rim should be plural.
Second, you mention that the water rose "Centimeter by centimeter." Then you write later on "the water sunk a few inches." It seems to clash when you use two different measurement systems. I would just use inches, as that is what most people (in the US) would use.
Anyways, you did a wonderful job. I should do this exercise sometime...

Arthur | Fri, 08/02/2013

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."

Thank you, so much for your

Thank you, so much for your thoughtful comments, Arthur! :) And hey, I didn't say I don't like washing dishes. When it's something you do everyday, every dinner.....eventually, you just like doing it so you don't have to do it.

Lucy Anne | Fri, 08/02/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Arthur, it is not strange to like washing the dishes. Never.

Megan, I liked this. I just skimmed most of it though, but I like all the descriptive parts. I haven't read the other comments and what other people have critiqued, but the last line "She had better things to do." just seemed a bit out of place. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe "There were other things to do." Just the word "better" makes it seem like the time washing the dishes was a waste of time. And, I know for me, washing dishes is not a waste of time...everything looks so CLEAN! And nice...sorry, I like washing dishes. That was just critique based on my personality. Don't feel it amounts to anything.
Good job!

Maddi | Fri, 08/02/2013

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

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