How Do I Feel

A Poem By Madalyn Clare // 10/16/2017

I like my masks,
I suppose conclusively.
I stay behind them
When
I am posed with
Judgement.

Will they like me?
Will they ignore it?

I bear my heart
And imagine how
Delicious it will
Be on the palate
Of my peers.

I wait.
I want.
I wither.

I like my masks,
I conclude supposedly.
I wear them as I wait for
A reply from
Another human being.

How do they stay silent?
Can they not hear my heart
Begging for approval?
Can they even speak?

I wish.
I weep.
I wither.

I like my masks,
I guess warily.
I cry alone because
No one tells me
I’m good.

Am I enough?
Why won’t they tell me?

I wither.
I wait.
I stop.

I hate my masks,
I roar passionately.
I tear them in my
Relent to endless thoughts.

I’m not enough.
My heart is bleeding
And stale with peering
Compliance.

My (he)art is stiff and
Lifeless, a husk of
What I meant to say.
No wonder.

I breathe.
I break.
I brave.

Their silence is not
My fault. My mind
Is culpable for the death
Of my heart.

My mind weeps in
The bleeds of my
Artisan trade, so
That I pity myself.

Screams compliant
And relent into
My stomach:
A wrenching feeling.

I can’t end it.

So I stop.

I breathe again.
I close my eyes.

I don’t have masks,
I decide conclusively.
I write and I care not,
For this is myself and
No one else.

I brave.
I breathe.
I believe.

Comments

My dear, you have just proved

My dear, you have just proved yourself with this poem. You write beautifully!! I believe in you. <3
Remember, people don't always speak their minds. :) sometimes silence can be the greatest compliment.
Keep your chin up, and keep up the good works. You have true talent; don't let discouragement make you toss it away.
I look up to you the same as you look up to your writer friends. :) I mean that. And just remember I'm one email away from a cyber hug and encouragement if you ever need it. <3

Damaris Ann | Tue, 10/17/2017

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬

Aw, you just made my day,

Aw, you just made my day, Damaris! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!
I've been belittled, mocked, straight-out bullied for my writing style and even the content of my stories (not by my writing buddies but by third parties). I know I shouldn't listen to those who don't care, but it's the ones who don't care who make the deepest impression. I'm always thankful for friends who do tell me they approve and also things like comments on AP, but that's not what matters. What matters is that I practice what i love and share what I love with others. And what you said about silence being a compliment, I'll definitely remember that.
So thank you for reinforcing what my mind is trying so hard to tell my heart! God bless you!

Madalyn Clare | Tue, 10/17/2017

"To live is to love with the passion of a thousand stars. To love is to live despite the pain of a thousand scars. Anything in between is a passing shadow." ~Michael Joseph Murano

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