Jello pt. one

A Poem By Madalyn Clare // 5/1/2019

Another day
In anonymity,
Feels like the hum
Of an air conditioner
In the pit of my
Stomach this silence
Of no one asking me
One question

She looks at me,
Then looks away
Oh, there’s another
Person in this room.
This is no surprise.
She returns to her
Work, then whispers
To a friend.

Hums of tangling
Tongues and giggles
Against teeth
Is immense material
For the mind to wonder,
“Are they talking about
Me?”

But it’s no longer
A yearning.
It’s a dread.

I shake like
Jello in this bowl
They give me.
Quivering in my
Mind as they shake
Me and laugh

It’s not nice
And I really
Don’t like
It
But
I
Am
Shaking
Too hard
To make
A stand.

A gesture of
Friendship
Between
Giggles
And matching
Markers and
Secret whispers
That I can’t tell
If I want or
Not
But it
Just feels
Like I’m invisible
And I know I
Don’t
Want
THAT.

My chin
Quivers
Quivers
Quivers
Because inside
I am
JELLO.

To become as
Faceless as I
Feel, my hair lets
Down and I bend
Over notes and shut
Everything out.

The Jello calms.

One leftover
Who needs a friend
Leans over to me
And acts like
Nothing happened
I am her everything
I matter like nothing
Else in the world
I am the only one
To make her laugh
Like she so easily
Had done.

I wiggle inside.
A little Jello.

But it’s not
Giggles that
Make me
Wiggle
But a feeling
Of an air
Conditioner
Whirring through
The silent day,
Lifeless and tired
And just wanting
Of a little assurance
That things will be
Constant because
They
Just
Aren’t.

I quiver
Like Jello
Because
I’m being moved
Too much
And I can’t
Stand it
For much longer before
I drop to the
Ground.

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