Debut

Fiction By Maddi // 12/1/2014

I walked up the church steps, butterflies already fluttering around in my stomach. A few kids admired my guitar case, which was covered in stickers.

“Thanks,” I said, “but it’s actually not mine...it’s my teacher’s one.”

They nodded, and went back to their game of chase-around-the seats-without-tripping-over-them game. I turned my attention to the programme of the day which I snatched from a nearby table. I gasped when I saw my name; my song was fourth on the sheet.

I saw my friends, who came up from behind and hugged me.

“Look!” I cried, pointing at my name on the programme. “My item is basically first! I’m so nervous!”

Chloe grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “Don’t—be—nervous—Maddi, you—can—do—this!” She let me go and stepped back, smiling.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah.”

I did my sound check, which calmed my nerves a bit. But by the time the concert started, my teeth were chattering, my legs were shaking, and I had goosebumps up my arms. I walked to the back of the church to my dad, who was chatting with a friend.

“Dad, I’m so nervous.”

“About what, our skit?”

“NO! My song.”

“Oh.”

Our friend spoke, who we won’t name, because privacy is good, you know. Anyway. “Just ask God to take your nervousness away.”

I took a deep breath. “Alright.” I looked up at the ceiling. “God, please take my butterflies away so I can perform.”

I looked back at the men. “Better?” They asked. “Better,” I said, walking back to my seat.

As the formalities were spoken, and as it grew nearer and nearer to my turn, my legs started shaking again.

Finally, my name was called. I dragged myself off my seat and stepped up to the stage.

God, please help me...to do my best.

I took my guitar off the stand, sat in front of the mic and put my capo on. Somebody helped me adjust the microphone and the host introduced me and the song I was singing.

Then there was a silence. The silence of people waiting, judging, anticipating, smiling. I breathed deeply and broke it by strumming the chords.

1 bar, 2 bars, 3 bars, 4 bars....it’s now or never. I opened my lips, and

sound came out.

“Watch me fall, said the girl with the broken heart.”

It worked, and I was ecstatic.
Thankyou God! It didn’t come out warped!

I kept singing the verse, and it was perfect. I realised my legs were shaking horribly, and I had to force them down on the ground.

“...but he took a while to sober up,”

“Time and time again we see, the hurting people run
Throwing up their hands in emptiness, they come undone.”

Tears drew to my eyes when I saw different people affected by my words. It was the first time I realised what a sad song it was. I struggled to keep my eyes dry, and my voice stable, and I made it to the bridge.

“...Sometimes we don’t last long, but there is a love that’s here to stay.”

Slow down for second chorus, Maddi.

I managed my hammer-ons and slowed my voice down.

“Faith will keep the broken man, believing,
Hope will come to heal the heart that’s grieving,
Where it comes from is where I one day will go,
And that’s the most comforting thing I know.”

I repeated the chorus again, with more emphasis. I played a D# over something else, but it didn’t matter. I finished the song and everyone applauded, and I tried to keep from emotional breakdown. As I left the stage, I felt amazing...I didn’t want to leave! I felt like performing more songs and the feeling of accomplishment was great. And I will perform, again and again. I can’t wait for the future!

Comments

Wow! Thanks for sharing,

Wow! Thanks for sharing, Maddi! Very encouraging. I know the feeling, when you are so nervous that you feel like you can't breath, but as soon as your up there singing, or playing, you feel like you wanna keep on going forever. :) It's a good feeling. I sing a song at a local nursing home nearly every month, sometimes with my mom, sometimes by myself, and it's so amazing to feel the emotions in the crowd as they're listening. It's an amazing experience.
God bless you!
In Christ,
Damaris

Damaris Ann | Wed, 12/17/2014

"The lines and verses are only the outward garments of the poem and are no more really it than your ruffles and flounces are YOU. The real poem is the soul within them . . . and that beautiful bit is the soul of an unwritten poem. It is not every day one

It's so great that you're

It's so great that you're doing this! I know exactly what you and Damaris are talking about. Once you get up there (for me, it's almost always after the first song is through), you want to stay and keep singing. :)

I've been in voice lessons since I was nine, so I've been in about two recitals a year since then, sometimes extra. Before this month, the last recital I was in was in October 2013. I took a yearlong break from voice just to work on my own music, but I went back in the Fall to have her help doing the music for my Uncle and (now) Aunt's wedding. I love to accompany myself but I'm an admittedly bad note reader--I have to write everything out--so I've mostly stuck to chords the past year. Since I was in voice, I decided I might as well do the recital so I played a piano piece I was playing for the wedding and sang one of my original songs. Basically, the whole time I was sitting there I was psyching myself out. I did all right, though.

The wedding was last weekend, and I was SO NERVOUS. Somebody came and sat down RIGHT behind me and I made more mistakes on the piano than I ever had before (of course...argh...), but people said they didn't notice, I guess because that was just piano music.

I reeeeeally love to play my own music, and I wish I could do it for a living. That would be incredible. I'm toying with the idea of maybe trying a few open-mic nights next year, or seeing if I were to play a set of my own songs if anyone would come, and then going from there. The nervousness never goes away, though! :P At least not for me!

Like I said, awesome that you're doing this! I hope you don't mind my novella of other Maddie-related knowledge about singing. If you ever make a YouTube or something, post the link if you'd feel comfortable! I'd love to see!!

Madeline | Wed, 12/17/2014

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thanks girls!

How late am I in replying?!
Thanks Damari :) That's great about singing in a nursing home...I bet all the old people loved it! I've done it a couple of times with choir....the smile on their faces!
Thankyou, my name twin! Yay, per forming is always exciting...and the most nerve racking things I've ever done!
I LOVE YOUR SONG!!
Do. It. Do. The. Open. Mic. Night. Dare you!
Nope, don't mind at all! I'm really excited because I will be getting voice lessons this year from a friend and trying out for a Peter Pan production!! Yay!!
I don't think I'll make a YouTube for singing, because (especially with my own songs, just yet) I just don't want it to get stolen. BUT I am planning to start a channel next year for makeup tutorials, DIY, and funny relatable videos...we'll see how that goes!

Maddi | Sun, 12/21/2014

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

I don't know how I missed

I don't know how I missed this, but I love it. The feeling and how you described it. I did lots of plays growing up, but it still always makes me nervous to be on stage. The last time was earlier this year, for a tap dance performance. Most of the girls had 10-12 dances they were performing in, but I still got all jittery for my one appearance that lasted less than five minutes . . . it's such an indescribable feeling, and yet, you captured it.

How has the YouTube channel gone? Is there anything you've made you'd like to send us a link to? Or did you post that already and I missed it as well? : P I'd love to watch a DIY or something funny from you - a makeup tutorial would actually be educational for me, so that'd be fun, too. : )

I loved reading this!

Hannah D. | Sun, 11/08/2015

"Reason itself is a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." - G. K. Chesterton

Hannah's comment made me skim

Hannah's comment made me skim this over just now. It sounds beautiful to sing with emotion. I'm sure you still remember this special moment, and it must have been a wonderful time! :)

Lucy Anne | Mon, 11/09/2015

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

:)

Hey! Thanks for reading!
Thankyou.

Hahaha...the Youtube channel never happened! It is still something I may like to do in the future, but it's not right for the moment now :)
Thanks again!

Hey Megan! Thanks for leaving a comment!

Maddi | Mon, 11/09/2015

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh