Egyptian Pharaohs and Queens

An Essay By Maddi // 9/20/2012

This was an essay I had to write for school; it's meant to be an expository essay.

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Egyptian Pharaohs and Queens

The first dynasties of Egyptian pharaohs and queens were during 2920 BC. Most rulers were men; only a few women became pharaohs like Cleopatra VII. The ancient Egyptian world is most famous for their magnificent pyramids, which is one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Ancient Egyptian beliefs consisted of the concept of afterlife; the belief of when one died, their spirit would make a journey through the underworld to a great god, who would make the decision if the person was good enough to become something more than a crow in the next life.

Because of the hot climate in Egypt, most clothing was made from plant fibres, cotton and rare silks. The custom for Egyptian queens and pharaohs was to shave their hair off, and wear a headdress, complete with hair for the women and
false beards for the men.

A pharaoh would begin the day by bathing, dressing and preparing for the audience session. Visiting ambassadors came to present gifts of fine valuables, or commanding officers gave the latest updates from the military bases during this time. Afterwards, the pharaoh would carry out the daily ritual of going to pay homage to the gods in the temple.

Upon returning home from this necessary, but tedious expedition, the pharaoh would have his midday meal. Afterwards he might go for a tour of the kingdom on his magnificent horse-drawn chariot, or he might watch slaves swelter in the hot sun, constructing his pyramid.

The later evening would be filled with entertainment. Dancing girls, a banquet feast, talented musicians, or perhaps simply strolling around the quiet palace gardens with a trusted adviser.

Egyptians were the first people to create a way of communicating other than with the mouth. Their first form of writing is known as the hieroglyphs, a collection of symbols scratched onto a clay tablet with a stick, or sometimes penned with a special reed dipped in paint or ink. The Egyptians later invented the first paper made out of papyrus; a certain plant that grew along the Nile River.

The ancient world of Egypt was one of the first cultures to advance the world in written communication. And its history has left behind some of the most wonderfully constructed masterpieces, the famous pyramids, one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Comments

Good

   I like it how you gave some history, then worldview, costums, then the life of the pharaoh, and last some of the great things that the antient Egyptians did.

Two things:

   Second paragraph, "...a great god. Who..." that wouldn't be seperated by a period but a comma.

   Fifth paragraph, "On upon..." just drop the "On."

Arthur | Thu, 09/20/2012

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."

Thanks heaps Arthur, I'm

Thanks heaps Arthur, I'm sorry I was so late in getting back to you; I was busy. :)

Yes, part of the expository essay was to include those things. I'm going through this essay book (Epi Kardia essay styles for high school) with all these different types. This was my first try!

I think I fixed those two things, thanks. I'm looking forward to more of your Modena story!

P.S. Do you ever ever get called Art, short for Arthur? I read this book once and they called this kid Art short for Arthur. :D

Maddi | Thu, 09/27/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Great Essay

You had a great way of capturing the attention of your readers in your first paragraph. If you write another essay, make sure to keep that.

You may want to add a road map or a purpose so that we will know what you are trying to accomplish in your essay.

Also, in the second paragraph, I believe it is supposed to be "the belief that when one died" rather than "the belief of when one died."

Over all, a great essay.

Benjamin | Mon, 10/01/2012

“D’ye know what Calvary was? What? What? What? It was damnation; and he took it lovingly.”
~John Duncan

You don't know how much that

You don't know how much that comment means to me. One of my greatest fears is not capturing my readers in the first paragraph or even sentence. I am very harsh myself. If a book doesn't interest me from the blurb or the first paragraph, I put it down and don't read it. XD

Yes, thanks for pointing that out. I guess I needed to say something to my readers about what this essay was supposed to accomplish. As I said above, this essay is meant to be an expository one. In other words, a teaching essay, to expand on a known idea, or explain something, or investigate why a thing works. My point was to give my readers a better understanding of the ancient Egyptian world and its rulers. I will put that in at the start. :D

Ah yes, thanks, I will fix it. :D

Thanks very much for your comment! I clicked on your profile; and saw that your hadn't posted anything. Looking forward to when you do!! :D

Maddi | Mon, 10/01/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Benjamin's on!!!

   I will take great pride in welcoming you, Benjamin, to Apricotpie. Welcome!

Benjamin:

   Finally you got on here; and since you've already completed your essay, can you just post it now instead of the middle of the week?

Maddi:

   Yes, the first sentence or two are extremely important to catch the reader's attention. I still have to work on this myself.

Arthur | Tue, 10/02/2012

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."

Oh. So do you (Arthur) know

Oh. So do you (Arthur) know Benjamin from real life? Yes, I agree. Benjamin, if you've got something to post, the sooner the better! Welcome to AP! You'll love it.

Maddi | Tue, 10/02/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

   Yes, I know Benjamin

   Yes, I know Benjamin already, and if you read my bio you'll see the conection.

   Really Benjamin? I think that I'm the only who understands your bio.

Arthur | Mon, 10/08/2012

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."

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