Twelve

A Poem By Maddi // 11/3/2014

I can smell the liquor on his breath

See the trouble in his eyes

The gangs he hangs out with

The beanie covering his hair

He’s only twelve.

Skater shoes not done all the way up

Loose pants, too big, hang down on the floor

Itching hands down by his sides

Coarse words are shouted from his lips to gain attention

He’s only twelve.

I give him a wave

He gets excited by my smile alone

Because now he knows

That somebody cares.

He’s only twelve.

Comments

Is this REAL? So sad . . .

Is this REAL? So sad . . . but well constructed, on your part.

And happy birthday, Maddi!

Hannah D. | Tue, 11/04/2014

"Reason itself is a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." - G. K. Chesterton

I like this. It has a very

I like this. It has a very consistent rhythm to it. You could add a little more leading up to the last part, so it doesn't seem quite as sudden. :)

Erin | Wed, 11/05/2014

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Those last lines are so

Those last lines are so perfect:

He gets excited by my smile alone

Because now he knows

That somebody cares.

He’s only twelve.

Like they said, this has a great rhythm to it. Very sad, but I love the way you kept repeating the He's only twelve line. That brought the reader back down to reality pretty quickly, until at the end all we felt was pity for this kid.

Is this a true story, then???

And Happy Birthday! Okay, I can't remember--are you sixteen or seventeen???

Edit: Ohhh nevermind. I read the age thingy!

Madeline | Wed, 11/05/2014

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Good job! I really like this!

Good job! I really like this! This might be your best poem yet, in my opinion.

Lucy Anne | Wed, 11/05/2014

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is great, Maddi! I love

This is great, Maddi! I love it. Like the others, I too wonder: "Is this a true story?"
Very well done! I have no critique to offer. :)
God bless!

Damaris Ann | Thu, 11/06/2014

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬

Thankyou!

Thanks, girls! Your comments are always looked forward to.
This IS a real story...sort of lots of the same stories built into one. I did mean to say that in the notes, but forgot.
Erin: Yes, I could do that...I went back and read it and it did seem a bit sudden. If I get a chance I will edit it.
Homey: Thanks for the birthday wishes! Haha, yeah it was in the age section :D
Megan: Thankyou! And Damaris Ann (we really need to come up with a nick-name for you..."Damaris Ann is too long to type haha) thankyou too!
Oh, and Hannah! Your comment is appreciated too!

Maddi | Thu, 11/06/2014

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Hey!

Hey Maddi!

Wow, you haven't posted in AGES!
Well written, and I think you pictured it so well :) but also the ending was just perfect!

Mikki xx

Mikaela Grace | Thu, 11/06/2014

Do Justice//Love Mercy//Walk Humbly

Yes, yes please!!! I really

Yes, yes please!!! I really would love to have a nickname! :)

Damaris Ann | Fri, 11/07/2014

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬

She needs a nickname,

She needs a nickname, everyone! To be inducted into the official Apricot Pie family.

The first thing that came to mind for me was Damari. :) Anybody else? Or Daramis Ann? Do you have any names you'd prefer we call you? They dubbed me Homey. haha!

Madeline | Sat, 11/08/2014

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Hmm, Demmi is a name that one

Hmm, Demmi is a name that one or two of my friends call me, and one that I thought of is Dann. I actually really like Dann. :) but if y'all come up with something else than that's totally fine. I just want a nickname. :D

Damaris Ann | Sat, 11/08/2014

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬

Hey!

I like Damari. It somehow fits. So now I am going to call you that, but if you absolutely hate it, let me know...then I guess I COULD refrain from calling you that. It's really cute though.

Maddi | Thu, 11/13/2014

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Oh no, I like Danari! One of

Oh no, I like Danari! One of my old friends calls me that sometimes. I'm telling you, with a name like this I have TONS of nicknames! :) But I like it.

Damaris Ann | Thu, 11/13/2014

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬

Oh no, I like Danari! One of

Oh no, I like Damari!!! One of my old friends calls me that sometimes. I'm telling you, with a name like this I have TONS of nicknames! :) But I like it.

Damaris Ann | Thu, 11/13/2014

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬

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