Insipid/In his dream/there used to be a reason why

A Poem By Madeline // 8/11/2017

Insipid

Tipped
over the edge of something
good
but maybe you'd
tripped
is what you think and maybe that you
should
have gone and
dipped
your toes into it sooner and you
would
have felt the forceful flow
eclipse
all your stale memories, and everything you
stood
and slouched for, now you ask yourself
remiss
ravaged by regret
could
it have made a
difference
whether you gone in raging or
insipid.

_______

In his dream

Delicate fissures
his lips soft as tissues
I slip between cracks
in his sleep

The morning was bitter
his eyes bright as candies
I tasted the solace
unsweet

And if he were to kiss her
his hands firm as mortar
I'd twist myself into
a heap

My thoughts were a whisper
his mind sharp as key-lime
I screamed them out loud
in a dream

_______

there used to be a reason why

We were leaning up against the plaster
Of an all-white room
You asked the tile the time
I'd
probably tell you noon

It'd been like this for awhile
Us not really meeting eyes
A while had elapsed
Trapped
in this cocoon

Don't make slight of me
I'm small enough already
Dare you fight with me
I'm deft and wan and petty
Deem it all to me
I'll gladly feign I'm steady
Drift away from me
I'll farewell from the jetty

But
there used to be a reason why
I'd come home midday just to lie
with ears attuned to your startling side

to break
the boundaries
of
my
mind

yet here we are
wading through
our thick and wasted
time.

Comments

These felt a bit different

These felt a bit different from your usual style, and I liked the pace a lot. However, it was jolting at first (which might have been your goal anyways). I had to read several times (that could be because I just woke up :P) but each time I read them more and more words and lines popped out. These are truly throught provoking! I love them!
Insipid: really love the flow of this one. It took me a couple tries to get into it, but once it clicked it was all downhil. One of my favorite lines that stuck out everytime I read it was "And everything you/ stood/ and slouched for" love! Love! Love! It just really paints a picture of a character and I love it.
In His Dream: the comparisons in this were very unique! I especially love "his hands firm as mortar". The soft as tissues part was a little jarring, probably because that is so unique, but I like the imagery! Well done!
There Used to Be a Reason Why: I love the setting you put this in! Like I could almost feel myself stuck in a room with someone with nothing to talk about. I also love the rhyme! It's surprising because I think it's subtle, but it's very well done! I think my favorite part is probable "don't make slight of me/ I'm small enough already" and basically all of it! LOVE!

Kassady | Fri, 08/11/2017

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

These felt a bit different

These felt a bit different from your usual style, and I liked the pace a lot. However, it was jolting at first (which might have been your goal anyways). I had to read several times (that could be because I just woke up :P) but each time I read them more and more words and lines popped out. These are truly throught provoking! I love them!
Insipid: really love the flow of this one. It took me a couple tries to get into it, but once it clicked it was all downhil. One of my favorite lines that stuck out everytime I read it was "And everything you/ stood/ and slouched for" love! Love! Love! It just really paints a picture of a character and I love it.
In His Dream: the comparisons in this were very unique! I especially love "his hands firm as mortar". The soft as tissues part was a little jarring, probably because that is so unique, but I like the imagery! Well done!
There Used to Be a Reason Why: I love the setting you put this in! Like I could almost feel myself stuck in a room with someone with nothing to talk about. I also love the rhyme! It's surprising because I think it's subtle, but it's very well done! I think my favorite part is probable "don't make slight of me/ I'm small enough already" and basically all of it! LOVE!

Kassady | Fri, 08/11/2017

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Love the challenge and

Love the challenge and unusual ring in:
"Dare you fight with me
I'm deft and wan and petty"
And!! "Bright as candies, firm as mortar, sharp as keylime" --!!!! So creative!!!!!!!! Triumph as usual.

Sarah Bethany | Mon, 08/14/2017

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