Why LotR men are better than Twilight "hotties"

An Essay By Anonymous // 1/12/2010

This is a note I posted on Facebook. I hope you like it, Twilight Haters and LotR lovers. :)
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Before you start reading this note, be forewarned. Twilight fans or girls who have huge crushes on the Twilight "hotties", be prepared to loathe this trilogy of notes and wish they were never written. But can we be completely honest? Maybe it isn't just me.
For the past year, girls have been worshiping these so-called "perfect boyfriends" by the name Edward and Jacob. Through these series of notes, I am going to prove to you Twilight men lovers that there are men from other movies and books that are 10,000 times better. I will compare, I will insult Twilight, I will compliment the other side. I am completely biased but I hope I prove a good point.

PART 1: Why LotR men are better than Twilight boys

In order to properly judge the characters, we must review the stories.

Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien--J.R.R. Tolkien practically spent most of his life creating Middle-Earth so there is so much to the books. But in short, a powerful, evil lord Sauron put all his power into a ring and started to destroy the earth until Isildur cut it off his finger and killed him by taking the ring. Now Isildur could've destroyed it but the hearts of men are weak. Power hungry and misled to think he could use it as a tool for his kingdom, he was killed by Sauron's army of orcs soon after. Another creature found the ring and it consumed him, disforming him into an unnatural animal. But the Ring wanted to get back to its master. So it fell into the hands of the most unlikely race of all, a hobbit. Bilbo Baggins kept it until he left his homeplace among the Hobbits in the Shire and gave it to his nephew, Frodo. Gandalf, a wise wizard and a dear old friend of Bilbo, concluded that the ring must be destroyed in the fires of Mt. Doom and the council of a wise Elf named Elrond would decide. Frodo offered to take it and 8 companions vowed to come with him and help him. Eventually the fellowship was split up but the Story Goal remained the same: Take the ring to Mt. Doom and destroy it. Makes sense?

On the other hand,

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer---A vampire who only sucks the blood of animals named Edward Cullen falls in love with a human named Bella Swann and she, a very stupid, flaky girl, fell in love with him too. He was supposedly the perfect boyfriend but he was rather creepy and abusive and he sparkled like a diamond necklace. A ripped werewolf named Jacob Black loved her too and Edward and him hated each other because of it. So wouldn't Edward love Bella forever and protect her from such a dangerous creature? But after him confessing he would never leave her, his brother tried to suck her blood when she got a paper cut (muffled laughter) and he decided she was in danger so he left her. She went insane (not that she already wasn't). But wouldn't Bella be smart and keep on loving her zombie knowing he would never break a promise and that they were still meant to be? No, she decides to go make-out with the shirtless pinhead known as Jacob and become his girlfriend while Edward is away. Then everything gets more bizarre than it already was and more immoral too.

In my opinion, there's no contest on who has a better plotline. But now that we understand what we are dealing with.

But ever since this abomination called Twilight was born, young teenage girls have raged over these Prince Charmings, Edward and Jacob. "They're perfect! Omigosh! I want to marry them!
Really? Let's see what kind of man you're "marrying."
Edward Cullen: A 104-year-old vampire, a nice word for a blood-sucking zombie. Not getting that attractive so far..... He appears perfect making promises to Bella but fails to keep most of them. to mention he's abusive and creepy and an obssessive jerk from what I've heard about this "perfection". Am I wrong? Prove me wrong!
Jacob Black: A ripped werewolf who walks around shirtless. He turns into an animal and is not exactly a bad guy. But I think many would agree when I say that a boy who can't keep a shirt on for two minutes or keep his lips to himself needs psychological help.

And what do they compare with to Lord of the Rings?

Aragorn: Isildur's heir. True King of Gondor. A Man of Valor. A gentleman. Honors the woman he loves. A wise, born leader. Just.

Legolas: Prince of the Woodland Elves. A Man of Valor and Honor as well. A gentleman. Honors women. Wise, Just and Skilled. And the only man I know who can have long blond hair and still be incredibly manly! :D

Gimili: A Comical, Sarcastic Dwarf who isn't afraid to hack on an orc to shreds. Loves food and celebrations but isn't immoral or foul.

Boromir: Strong of heart but weak as well. But truly a gentleman of honor and justice.

Faramir: A true gentleman. Mislead but honorable and courageous.

What words keep popping up here? Honor. Valor. Justice. Honors Woman. Gentleman. Integrity. Those are qualities of a good man, qualities I never see in the Twilight boys.

Is the perfect man really just a sweet-talker and a 'hottie'?" No, A good man is a true gentleman of valor, respect, honor, justice and integrity.

"Well, then how are LotR men honorable and just and Twilight boys not?"
Watch the movies. Read the books. You decide.

 

Comments

So True

Everything I hear about Twilight makes me not want to watch it even more than when I thought I was alone. This helps more! what an amazing essay of truth this was. :)

Keri | Tue, 01/19/2010

:) Thank you.  

:) Thank you.

 

Maethorwen (not verified) | Tue, 01/19/2010

Hah!

I love it, simply love it!

Legolas:the only man I know who can have long blond hair and still be incredibly manly! : Totally! He'd be less of a man with a crew cut.

But you left out the hobbits! Do they not count?

But after him confessing he would never leave her, his brother tried to suck her blood when she got a paper cut (muffled laughter) and he decided she was in danger so he left her. She went insane (not that she already wasn't).

No offense to fans, but that last sentance says it all!

Julie | Tue, 01/19/2010

Formerly Kestrel

:D

I was going to do Frodo and Sam and Merry and Pippin but this took so long I cut it short so my mom wouldn't get mad at me.

Hahaha, Amen!

Maethorwen (not verified) | Wed, 01/20/2010

Weeeell, Taylor Lautner

Weeeell, Taylor Lautner (Jacob Black) is cute, but yeah, I would pick Aragorn or Legolas over him any day.  And Edward is just creepy.  Besides, LOTR is a better story.

Bridget | Thu, 01/21/2010

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

Love this, my friend!

Love this, my friend!

LoriAnn | Thu, 01/21/2010

hmm...

The fact that so many young people and even children have seen this film disgusts me and is such a sickening reality.

Our culture already has enough of immorality, why must we pollute our minds further?  

"A good man is a true gentleman of valor, respect, honor, justice and integrity."

This point is so true. 

Even outside of the media world....real men have been degraded. :(

 

 

Mairead | Thu, 01/21/2010

_________________________

"Sweet is the love that never knew a wound, but deeper that which died and rose again." - Mother Mary Francis

A BIG thank you, Maethorwen!

You said it, girl!

I was first introduced to the Twilight books at a Christian camp I volunteered at. One of the girls was reading one, I asked about it, and she said, "It's a story about a girl who falls in love with a vampire, and he's like the coolest guy ever!"

Gag. I was done right then.

But I've had to see Edward's red-rimmed eyes, pasty-pale face, and eletric-shocked hair plastered EVERYWHERE. What sickens me is that not only are the storylines immoral, but that even Christians are falling for these books. And about fifty years ago, even when Dracula movies where huge, even SECULAR people understood that vampires were the bad guys. 

So yes--LOTR guys are much better. I laughed at your comment about Legolas being manly even with long hair although I'm not sure I totally agree. So--I'll stick with cool fantasy warriors and my real-life fiance.

Anyone interested in reading a further rant of mine and WHY I believe the Twilight books are evil can go to: magical-ink.blogspot.com/2009/09/gripe-about-paranormal-fiction-craze

Thank you again!

 

 

Heather | Sat, 01/23/2010

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"

Keri. T.-It blesses my heart

Keri. T.-It blesses my heart to know that this helps you see that you are not alone. :)

Kestrel- Testify, sister! :D

Bridget-Believe it or not, I had a crush on Jacob Pinhead for a about a week or so. He is ripped to be sure and hey, he's better than Edward. But I'm glad you liked it still. Besides, I'm in love with Legolas. :)

LoriAnn- my friend. ^-^

Mairead: That's where it all starts from. Real men ARE degreaded in our society. The perfect man is a sweet-talking hottie who can make-out with you anytime you wish and who can rip off his shirt anytime you wish and do anything you wish. They've taught young woman through certain media that this "perfection" is the type of man you should look for and everytime you find one, you should date him, kiss him and even go beyond. No wonder woman go from man to man and dump them and still 30 years later say "Still waiting for the perfect man." Like you said, it also goes beyond the media world. It's sad, it really is. One of the reasons I wrote this.

Heather: A fellow ranter! :D

I miss those days when girls realized that vampires were and STILL ARE bloodsucking zombies that want to eat you!! I mean, in zombie invasion movies, people usually freak. So it's total nonsense to see them worshiping a zombie and a werewolf.

As for the Legolas comment, I'm in love with the warrior. So I gush about him, I really do. :D I'm "in love" with other cool fantasy warriors too but i've liked him since I was 7. (The Character NOT the actor. GAG.)

Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments!

 

Maethorwen (not verified) | Sat, 01/23/2010

Love it

Great comparisons and very funny.LOL! I already... strongly dislike Twilight and think it is just plain insane and you have now boosted that opinion. Thankyou!

Kay J Fields | Sat, 01/23/2010

Visit my writing/book review blog at http://transcribingthesedreams.blogspot.com/

You go girl

I did not read it all the way BUT! I love you for making it anyway. I do so love lord of the rings ! And I have not watched twillight But from people telling me it is not the best. And plus i dont like vamparers ( No ofence to those who do). But I love Lord of the Rings.

For this post I will Say

" You go girl!"

Kassady | Sun, 01/24/2010

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Ok read it

Ok read it . I was laughing all the way.  And I must say That was the best! I agree I would go with honorable Then just plane cute And stupid ( I really Cant believe I just wrote that word). I love you for making a post like that ! I wish I could tell My cozzen But she would probbly Yell at me. Thank you for doing that!

Kassady

Kassady | Sun, 01/24/2010

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Okay...here comes the different opinion! LOL

 This is good--but I think we're all missing one key thing. NONE of these people are real! So LOTR people and Twilight people shouldn't be obsessed over in the first place. I've never read LOTR but I probably will eventually. I have read all the Twilight books and think that they are good. For those you haven't tried: you should! Jacob and Edward aren't on my mind though. The books are enjoyable--they put a nice twist on something that's supossed to be evil and "killer." 

Going back to the very beginning: 

I am going to prove to you Twilight men lovers that there are men from other movies and books that are 10,000 times better.

They may be better, but I think we need ot focus on real people who actually are there for us. Edward and Jacob could change to suit one's personality at any time, and LOTR could too. But actual people with actual personalities are those who we should have in our lives. Not Edward, not Jacob, and not LOTR. 

Thanks! Just sharing my opinion! And I would like to see more writings with arguments and opinions like these! They're fun to read and comment on!

Madeline | Mon, 06/14/2010

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

I read Twilight and liked it.

I read Twilight and liked it. Note: I liked it, I did not love it, nor did I love Edward in any way shape or form. I don't know what it was that I liked about it... it totally sucked me in. It was one of those books you couldn't put down. I started New Moon but didn't finish it.

You call Edward abusive multiple times here... maybe my memory fails me, but he never intentionally hurt Bella, did he? And didn't he leave because he thought that was what was best for her? I will give you obcessive and creeper... his behavior was downright stalkerish. His 'perfection' is both intimidating and mournful to me. He is not happy, he is not natural.

I find Bella's fascination and obcession with him quite disturbing. She is in constant danger with him and that almost ADDS to the appeal for her. She seems almost supernaturally "charmed" or enchanted by him. Is that love or a sick sort of magic? So much of what she talks about liking about him is his physical beauty and prowess. Add her sizzling discriptions of thier kisses and it sounds like a lot like lust to me.

My deepest lament for Twilight is that I never saw a progression in thier relationship or growth as people. I didn't see appreciation near so much as attraction. I saw sparks fly into an inferno of passion. I don't think that kind of physical "spark" exists long term in the real world. Granted, I only read the first book.

I have never read Lord of the Rings... I know, my loss, but those are my thoughts on Twilight.

paperpoet | Tue, 06/15/2010

I haven't read Twilight, but

I haven't read Twilight, but I have heard so much about them that I have a pretty good idea of the plotline. Creepy vampire stalks Bella. Bella falls for creepy vampire. Eventually get married and baby vampire that Bella's holding tries to eat her. It's just not that interesting of a plotline-to me, anyway. I haven't read LOTR, so I don't know aout the people you're referencing here, but somehow I agree!

E | Wed, 10/26/2011

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Hot creepy vampires (really?! come on, girls!)

Okay, I will be the first to admit that I'm obsessed with blond men in any way, shape, or form (think Luke Skywalker, Legolas, etc.) so I actually thought Edward was somethin' else when I first saw him. But ladies, my point is this: the people marketing this stuff "know" what girls "want". They know we want to be loved and protected by the guy of our dreams. Seriously, take any halfway cute man, make him look like he's 17, have him take his shirt off on the big screen, and about 99.999% of teenage girls will fall for him. And sadly, we eat it up! These things are best-sellers.

 I'd be the first to admit that I am a daydreamer and fantasize about my future husband all the time (and I also have to restrain myself from reading romance novels so I don't get totally carried away) but with all this pressure girls have to pick up a boyfriend and get serious way before marriage and adulthood, it's pretty tough to ignore all the stuff out there. And let's admit it: it's FUN. Who DOESN"T want to read about their ideal prince charming, zombie or not? 

So my question for you is: how do you deal with it on a personal level? How do you tell all your friends, neighbors, and grandparents (my grandma is apalled that I don't watch/read romance stuff--she thinks something's wrong with me) that you've decided to stay out of the "hottie culture?" Most people see nothing wrong with a little love fantasy every now and then. It's hard to convince them otherwise (hi, grandma!)

Skywalker1 | Tue, 11/01/2011

:)

Amen, Heather and Mamie! 

And wonderful question, Skywalker1! You're so right that even we who struggle against it succumb to and 'eat it up' sometimes. 
I, too, find myself daydreaming and fantasizing about marriage, wedding, husband, etc. And I've had to ban romance novels and movies and even not specifically 'romance' genre but even historical fiction that may have a fair bit of it in it - at least for this season of life. Those thoughts are 'fun' while they last, but then afterwards realizing they're sinful and the repentance and mortification of that sin that follows is awful.
How do you deal with it on a personal level? I think this looks different for all - different things make different people stumble, to some extent. I already said I stay away from certain things. And add to that previous list conversations about those things, too - not meaning preparing for marriage but marriage itself (though this is sometimes a fine line). It often means spending less time in novels and movies and more time in scripture, theological books, and serving others. 
As for answering questions - honestly, the best way is to calmly and confidently state your convictions. You want to protect your heart, and keep romantic thoughts for your husband only, and keep your focus on God. Explain that there's more to life than that, and you're seeking for a richer, fuller life in Christ rather than the culture of the world that's longing for the love we receive in our families and through our relationship with God. 
They won't all understand or agree, and don't expect them to. But you can say it in a way that may bring them to respect your convictions.

Kyleigh | Tue, 11/01/2011